Name changed because this whole set of circumstances makes me cringe, and I don't want anyone I know to recognise me.
When I was 15, I got together with a 22 year old man. Usual story - he made me feel special, told me I was the best thing ever, gave me things (including a secret phone to call him etc.) We started sleeping together very quickly, and we were together for over six years.
It was a very intense relationship. I was at school and he was unemployed. He introduced me to recreational drugs and he often broke up with me for a while, for example while I was doing my A-Levels and my university finals. He didn't want me to do well - it annoyed him. If anyone else showed an interest in me when I was single (dumped) he told me I was a slag, if I stayed single, he said it was proof nobody else would want me. It sounds terrible written down, but I loved him and couldn't see through it. Sometimes I still can't.
Anyway, we broke up after I finished uni. Fast forward twenty years - I have a good career, a DH and three DC. I hardly ever see him, and when I do it's just a quick wave from the car etc.
BUT it occurred to me today that there's not a single day that I don't think about him. Not in a wanting him sort of way, just that he seems to be almost a voice in my head , or a gauge to measure everything against. I don't really have a question, but I wanted to get it off my chest. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
Thank you if you've read this long, meandering post!
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Relationships
I've thought about this unpleasant man daily for 20 years
peppamorpurgo · 02/05/2020 19:31
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