Advanced search

AIBU To not let my ex of a few months not see the children

(2 Posts)
Mum2tostars Sat 02-May-20 15:18:17

So I left my ex of 15 years before Christmas due to increasing DV including controlling behaviour constant jealousy rages and just totally not acceptable behaviour and on top of that he was cheating on me, I had just come to the end of what I could cope with.

I am now living at my parents house with our 2 children (ages 2 and 9)
Before lockdown my children visited my ex when ever he asked to come and collect them and took them for dinner or to his family members.
There was nothing official as in through court set up for access yet.

Just before lockdown he had the children stay with him and his new partner at her house (which was hard for a couple of reasons; there was a crossover period between me leaving and him seeing her and also I felt it too early to meet someone else but he insisted as he had now moved it to her house along with her child from a previous relationship so there was nowhere else for the children to stay over with him, I just felt it was something I just had to get over. He was never violent/abusive towards the children however they did witness a few incidents.)

Since the lockdown I have not let the children visit their dad and this is because of a few reasons. He is not taking the lockdown seriously and has proved this by still visiting his family (all who have key workers in there households.) He is living with his new partner (who is also a key worker and his partners child is still attending school. My ex has also still been visiting his friends as proven by drunk phonecalls by him on his friends phone at early hours of the morning. To add another reason to the mix I am living with my parents who are not yet in the vunerable category but only both a couple of years off (both late 60's)
I am getting a constant bombarding of messages from him, his new partner and his family about how I'm being so unreasonable and how its killing him not seeing his children. He is sending me newspaper articles that give the government advise for co-parenting that confirms children are allowed to move between homes to see the other parent however surely this is only when the other parent is doing all he can to keep himself and the children safe?
Life is hard enough without him making me feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. In the last few months I have uprooted the children from their home and now the added stress of the lockdown and trying my best to homeschool and keep them entertained!

OP’s posts: |
HugeAckmansWife Sat 02-May-20 17:11:46

Technically he is absolutely right and kids should maintain contact. However, if he is not observing social distancing and his household is relatively high risk you have more of an argument. In an ideal world you could say that he is welcome to see DS when he has minimised the risks and shown that DS is his top priority over new girlfriend but I can imagine that not going down well. To be honest all the other stuff is irrelevant..unless you'd be stopping contact for other reasons, you can't use those reasons to strengthen your case now. Make sure they Skype regularly and see what adjustments he's prepared to make

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in