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Offered shielding family member a place to stay, but regretting it... AIBU?

(83 Posts)
Buildblock Sat 02-May-20 10:43:45

Basically, STUPIDLY invited shielding mum here because they were struggling to cope alone... but I'm struggling having them here due to the fact she is so difficult to live with.

I'm sorry if this post is a bit disjointed or doesn't make sense in places but my emotions are high and I just need to vent!!

Basically, I just feel sorry for her. She has negatively impacted so many people's lives (mine included) that people just avoid her. At times I'm of the feeling that she has brought it on herself but then I just feel guilty because she 'family.'

She is part of the conspiracy crowd and comes here, tells us amongst many other things coronavirus is not real, leaving the house everyday for cigarettes and alcohol. Will not pay with card because this is another conspiracy - the gov are turning us into a cashless society so they can keep tabs on everything and restrict every part of our lives. Will not take her outdoor shoes off in carpeted rooms that the baby is crawling around in. Not hand washing at all (AT ALL!!) because "it's how you build up immunity and germs/viruses are just a theory." So why would we need immunity at all? Surely she's just contradicting herself. Basically anything that the gov advises she does the complete opposite because it's all a conspiracy. But then dropping sly hints about how breastfeeding (which she knows I had an almighty struggle with) is best every so often - I know it's best which is why I tried so hard for so long. But the only reason she would know it was 'best' is because the WHO/gov have done the research and told us for the greater good. The same WHO funded by the "villain Bill Gates who is just trying to depopulate the world by inventing a vaccine that will kill us all." She's concerned the economy is going to pot but does not contribute to society or have any assets so I don't know what she's worried about. She tells us she's worried we've harmed our children by vaccinating them, yet smokes about 40 a day. Sits downstairs lecturing the household regarding Trump: the best thing since sliced bread. From 5G to world leaders being lizards from underground or something this woman is driving me f*** crazy.

Anytime I tell her to just stop speaking about these things she just says I have a narrow mind and I'm ignorant, indoctrinated and can't listen to differing points of view.

She just sits all day watching all these conspiracy videos on her tablet out loud without earphones. We could be sitting watching a film with the children and that's all we can hear. Nobody says anything because I guess we are all spineless and the children are so kind. I assume she thinks we will listen and our minds will be changed.

I know the next thing that will come will be her judging of my parenting skills. I am spending a lot of time away from the communal areas (because she's in them) and my DH is doing the bulk of everything. He finds it easy to just switch off but at the same time it's just encouraging her because she thinks he's in agreement. But I'm just trying to avoid confrontation.

I can't help but think it's her way of blaming the world because basically she has royally screwed up every aspect of her life.

AIBU for wanting her to go? Thoughts?

OP’s posts: |
PanamaPattie Sat 02-May-20 10:46:59

Tell her to go. Now.

Cherrysoup Sat 02-May-20 10:48:13

Send her home. Wtf, she does t use headphones to listen to her snotty conspiracies so you’re all being impacted. That’s not fair, she’s an inconsiderate cow. Why is she at yours when she’s not shielding-going out for fags daily?! Sorry, OP, I think you’re allowing her to spoil your dc’s lockdown, get rid of her.

Comefromaway Sat 02-May-20 10:49:24

If she’s not adhering to basic hygiene rules such as hand washing and making non essential journeys out then she needs to leave.

skintbutok Sat 02-May-20 10:49:52

She deliberately isn't shielding so I'd be saying something along the lines of "my house, my rules". She either changes her behaviour or goes back home.
I get that it's tough when it's your mum though. Good luck.

TheAugusta Sat 02-May-20 10:51:20

She’s not shielding if she’s going out every day and it sounds like she’s going to be the one who gives you all viruses with her poor hygiene. It’s inexcusable to try to undermine your confidence about how you’re taking care of your baby. You should not feel at all guilty about wanting her to go.

Stillfunny Sat 02-May-20 10:54:50

Why does she feel the need to be shielding if it is all a conspiracy.? She doesn't sound very vulnerable . Suggest that she might as well go home - NOW.

ButteryPuffin Sat 02-May-20 10:56:05

She's not actually shielding, then, so she's now putting you all at risk as well as herself. Tell her to go as it's no safer for her there and less for you. Why don't you feel you can say she has to accept your house rules?

CuriousaboutSamphire Sat 02-May-20 10:56:20

As Corona is a hoax she has no need to shield. So she can go home!


Smilethoyourheartisbreaking Sat 02-May-20 10:57:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squarecloud Sat 02-May-20 10:58:09

I understand your frustration. She sounds just like my dad. I don't live with him though so it's easier to deal with it.

She's not shielding if she's going out everyday so why is she staying with you? Tell her to go home. Say the purpose of you staying her is for you to shield, as you have decided you don't want to shield then it makes that purpose void.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 02-May-20 10:59:18

She was likely also a piss poor example of a parent to you when you were growing up too.

Send her home today and do not feel at all guilty about doing so. Her needs and wants are not more important here than your own family's health and wellbeing. She's relying on you not to say anything to her anyway and you probably also fear confronting her too.

Deal with any and all FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) you have through seeing a therapist (BACP are good) and one at that who has no familial bias about keeping families together despite the presence of mistreatment. You may also want to look at the Out of the Fog website.

Futurenostalgia Sat 02-May-20 10:59:34

That’s not shielding so there’s no point in her staying!

YinMnBlue Sat 02-May-20 11:05:56

As she is meant to be shielding but is well enough to go to the shops every day, and is doing so and therefore not only breaking her own ‘shield’ but putting you and your family at risk, I would stand her home.

In what way was she not coping? Is there another way to address that?

I know you are venting, OP, but her behaviour is not ‘just’ annoying, it is dangerous.

“Mum, you came to live with us because you are shielded. You are not interested in shielding yourself, and that’s up to you, you are entitled to your own view on what is going on. But we are too, and my opinion is that I need to keep our family isolated and socially distanced. So since you are not shielding, fine, there is no point in you being here, and my decision is to keep my house isolated. Therefore, you need to return home. When would you like to go?”

JudyCoolibar Sat 02-May-20 11:16:16

FFS, tell her to go back home. She isn't shielding, and she's putting your family in danger.

I'd be rather tempted to ask why she isn't following her hero Trump's advice and inhaling bleach.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 02-May-20 11:16:41

Agree with the others. She's not actually shielding is she? So she needs to go because she is putting your family in danger

MotherofTerriers Sat 02-May-20 11:24:44

She's putting your baby at risk. Send her back home

alwaysmovingforwards Sat 02-May-20 11:31:42

Sorry to say it, but your mum is a dickhead.

Family or not, I've no time for djckheads.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 02-May-20 11:35:26

Time for her to go home. Today.

Mlou32 Sat 02-May-20 11:41:09

She sounds awful. She knows that she's deliberately putting the health of you and your family at risk. She probably doesn't even believe in the whole conspiracy thing, it's just a way of winding people up and carrying out shitty behaviour.

Tell her to go.

BigBairyHollocks Sat 02-May-20 11:43:39

She’s awful, tell her to go home.Mother or not she’s a pain in the ass.

GreenTulips Sat 02-May-20 11:46:35

I’d ask her to leave as well

She could make you all ill and she’s not even bothered

Sparklingplasters Sat 02-May-20 11:47:39

Just ask her to leave, she’s no safer with you than home.

Cocolapew Sat 02-May-20 11:47:44

How was she not coping if she is going out everyday anyway?
Tell her to go home.

Harakeke Sat 02-May-20 11:49:29

Good god woman you’ve put up with her long enough! Home she goes.

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