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Seperation advice for childcare

(8 Posts)
beck3001 Sat 02-May-20 09:06:25

So, I'm seperate from my sons Dad and I'm seeing someone else - little ones dad has said if I take him around this man then he will not allow my son out of his house. Right now, little one is living with him as I'm still out working and he isn't so it's easier on childcare etc but I see him everyday and have him overnight 2 or 3 nights a week.
Where do I stand on him only allowing me to see him at his house? Or not at all as that's also been a threat.
My issue also is that he's been watching me, he knows when I'm at work and not etc, who I'm with - I hate feeling watched even though I'm doing nothing wrong.

OP’s posts: |
BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup Sat 02-May-20 09:10:38

If you haven't been going out with the new guy for over 6 months you should not be introducing him to your child.

Also until you have been with the new guy a couple of years don't leave him alone with your son. The only exception is unless the new guy has been enhanced background checked.

This is to protect you son emotionally and physically.

Other than that it is none of your ex's business who you and the child spend time with. It's the same thing if your ex got a new girlfriend.

beck3001 Sat 02-May-20 09:15:54

Is there a law in place or any guidelines that would mean he could actually enforce me to not see my child?
Weirdly enough, because of our jobs, the other guy is a safeguarding officer and has has background checks etc - but that's not even important. I wouldn't leave my son with him regardless.
I wouldn't ever put my son in harms way and this is what causes my question.. If I'm not putting him at risk then does the ex have any right to stop me from seeing him or only seeing him at his house?

OP’s posts: |
BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup Sat 02-May-20 09:31:57

He can't stop any adult you deem competent from looking after or meeting your son. However you need to exercise parental responsibility and be sensible to protect your child's well-being.

I strongly suggest you do not discuss your adult relationships with your ex as they are absolutely none of his business regardless of whether these relationships are ones of friendship, love or a family relation.

AnnaNimmity Sat 02-May-20 09:34:37

no, he can't stop you introducing your son to whoever you want nor can he force you to only see your son at his house.

(this is assuming btw that nothing dodgy has happened in the past and you are restricted from seeing your son).

He sounds very controlling.

RoscoePColtrane Sat 02-May-20 09:40:38

Presumably it isn't an issue at the moment as you and your new partner don't live together so aren't seeing each other at all..?

beck3001 Sat 02-May-20 10:18:00

Oh a coronavirus spin on things.. Should have known!
Actually we have to be around each other for other circumstances so regardless of whether we live together or not, I have contact with him due to work commitments. Not that that's even relevant.

Also, no theres no concerns from my side in terms of any reason for me to not see my son.
Also nothing dodgy has happened.
Everythings as normal as it could possibly be. I do actually have text evidence that says I won't be allowed to see him if I were to have my son around the new guy.

Thanks for your advice guys!
Of course I would never put my son in harms way. It's more about how much control the ex has over me right now and knowing what the risks are if I do anything that goes against what he wants.

OP’s posts: |
AgentJohnson Sat 02-May-20 13:28:53

Legally he has no right but essentially he is the resident parent and therefore can make life very difficult for you. You need to formalise contact but even then, he could make things difficult.

If your Ex is a controlling arse then he will always use being the residential parent against you.

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