Dating after losing husband

[Chiyo666]

Would anybody be willing to share with me their feelings about dating after losing their spouse?

My husband died just over a year ago. I’ve met a guy who I definitely have feelings for and he has feelings for me, we speak every day etc. However, I know I’m not over my husbands death, but I don’t really think I ever will be. Is this a normal thing that you just have to try and get past?

Any advice or ass kicking would be appreciated.

[IsolatedIzzy]

I would say so yes. I lost my partner 19 years ago, I was 34. I've had other relationships and I'm married now but my partner is still part of my life, if you know what I mean. Still talk to him in my head. I still chuckle over things I know he would have found funny, that sort of thing, but I don't love my husband any less. We have a great relationship & are very happy together.

[Villageidiots]

Hi. I am sorry for your loss. My SIL was widowed and met someone else after 6 mths. It certainly didn't change her feelings for her late DH though. I don't think she will ever get over him and will always love him in a way and he's still v important to her. She is realistic enough though to know that life goes on and her loss didn't stop her from new happy relationships. I wish you well x

[MiddleAgedLurker]

My husband died three years ago. I miss and think about him so much still. But I am in a new relationship (currently stalled by lockdown) that's going fine. I think it's possible to mourn and to build new love at the same time, but it could be quite complicated for the other person. My new boyfriend is also widowed, so that might be a help. We all need joy in our lives! If you tread carefully and your new friend is on for it, it might not be too soon, whatever conventional wisdom likes to think. I had a couple of crushes on unsuitable men I met through online dating before I met current boyfriend, so I guess it may have been too early for me at that point. But it helped to build my confidence and gave me a sense of the future, and some hope.
I don't think I will ever be 'over' my lovely husband but life still has a lot to offer. A big step for me was accepting that it's possible to be happy and sad at the same time, and that my heart can expand to love someone new while continuing to love my late spouse.

[Chiyo666]

I just feel horrendous pain when I even think about being with someone else, but I don’t want to be alone forever, and this guys really does tick all my boxes.

[billy1966]

Oh OP, how awful.

The heart is a huge organ. It definitely has space to love two people.

Sounds like you had a great relationship.

Why wouldn't you want that again.

Still early days though, the feeling a strong physical reaction to grief I believe lasts about 2 years and then slowly acceptance can begin to emerge.

Of course it in hugely individual.

I know someone who grieves today for her adored husband the same way as 10 years ago. She can't help it.

I hope you're getting bereavement counselling.

Wishing you well.

[Willowed]

I’m sorry for those of us who’ve had losses . I too lost my Dh three years ago.

Chiy, as others have said, having loved and lost one person doesn’t mean you can never love another. If you have an opportunity now for happiness I think you should take it. Your late Dh would want that for you I’m sure, and if the situation was reversed, I expect you’d want future happiness for him. I know that I would.

Personally, I feel very ambiguous about dating again. We were very happily married and had been together 26 years (I’m 55 now), and I can’t see finding that sort of relationship with anyone again. But at the same time, I’m very often bored and lonely these days (dc are all adults), and I don’t want the future to be long and empty. So if you have the opportunity I think you should certainly explore it.

[PicsInRed]

You can have multiple brothers and sisters, cousins, children. The heart expands.

There is always room to continue to love and miss your late husband, who was your family, whilst growing your heart to love another after their death.

There's no disloyalty or hurt caused to anyone in that. If anything, you seem very loyal and loving indeed. 💐