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Any stories of your rock bottom and how you survived? I am not coping

(42 Posts)
Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 12:11:08

I am in the middle of what feels like a total breakdown of my world and life. I can’t see it ever getting better and feel totally alone.

Can anyone share stories of their own lowest point and how it got better even if they thought it wouldn’t?

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peonyfairy03 Fri 01-May-20 12:30:42

It does I promise you. During my divorce from my ExH I got to rock bottom and lost my home and almost my kids. He was abusive in nearly every way. And used every trick in the book he possibly could,But I pulled through my kids got me through and the fact I didn’t want him to beat me. Talk to close friends and family that you trust and take each day at a time. It honestly gets better at times it never feels it will end but it does.

What has happened to make you feel like this. Mine happened because I dared to go against ExH and leave him something he thought he had made sure I never could do.

Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 14:41:01

Thanks. Lost partner job and now home all in a week. Can’t see a way out

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hocuspocusbitch Fri 01-May-20 14:43:48

Oh wow! Bless you xx

Do you have kids? Someone that gives you reason

You will get through, these time's are testing. I also lost my job because of covid.

We're all here for you

Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 14:45:47

No I have nobody. We were supposed to be trying for kids this year.

I don’t know how to get through each hour, life doesn’t feel worth living. Not heard from partner since he left a week ago and took every last bit of his things from the house

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Doingitaloneandproud Fri 01-May-20 14:51:02

Oh that's an awful amount to happen in a week, please take care of yourself, it will get better honestly. Just take it an hour at a time, a day at a time, allow yourself to grieve the loss of your relationship , job and new home

Around 8 years ago I lost my marriage and home, all the money I had, when my husband left for someone else and took it all. Honestly I had no home for me and my son, no job, no money and it was hard. Then a short time after I was raped. It was a massively hard time but I found an outlet in the gym and exercise, not suggesting that would work for you but maybe something to distract you. Slowly you get better, time is a great healer (I know it's a cliche but it's so true)

Take care of yourself thanks

Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 14:53:57

Doingitalone I am sorry to hear that and I am glad you are better.

The mornings are the hardest, I wake up and just don’t want to be alive. I can’t believe it is all happening. I thought my partner was here for good too, I loved the bones of him.

I can’t imagine a time when life will ever feel ok

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Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 14:56:08

I can’t even imagine exercising right now or doing anything to feel better. I can barely eat.

I blame myself too as my partner said he couldn’t live with someone who was so hysterical over lockdown...I was panicking a lot in the last month about work. I really wish I hadn’t now, and then at least he would still be here

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Windmillwhirl Fri 01-May-20 14:58:34

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I think like most people I have had my fair share of horrible situations to work through.

What are you doing about your living situation? How are you managing financially? At the moment you are thinking emotionally, which is understandable. Trying to think practically if you can will give you something to focus on.

Call the Samaritans if you want to talk to someone.

I have been in some dark places in my life. I'm very glad I pushed through because I managed to turn my life around for the better. Despite how you feel in this moment, I believe you can do it, too x

Doingitaloneandproud Fri 01-May-20 14:59:10

@Fifty8hate thank you, I promise it will get better for you, I completely understand that feeling, it feels like part of you has gone too, but you will get through it, I'm sorry it happened to you, especially at this time too

Are you able to FaceTime/Zoom call your friends and family? It must feel awful he hasn't messaged but he's doing you a favour by not, in a while you will look back and realise how strong you were to get through it and that life is worth living for, honestly

mamato3lads Fri 01-May-20 15:02:05

@Fifty8hate how long have you been together ...

Why did he leave? Just because of your supposed panicking about lockdown?

Any other reason ?

It must be devastating of course. Mornings are always the hardest but even in my darkest, lowest god awful moments I have held on and come out the other side. You will too flowers

Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 15:02:31

I have got family to support me yes. I just don’t see a future.

The last thing he said to me was that it was my fault, my behaviour. I apologised many times over but can’t stop torturing myself that I made him fall out of love and leave

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Loveabitofrain Fri 01-May-20 15:02:45

@Fifty8hate I am going through something similar my lovely. Although I kicked mine out. I still love him but enough was enough. Its been 6 days and I have up and down moments. He is staying on his exes sofa which doesn't help but it is what it is. I have resigned myself to the fact he will never ever change and I yearn for the relationship without the emotional abuse and the cheating.

I have started counselling. That helps.

Take each hour as it comes. Cry if you need to as it often makes you feel better. Eat little and often. Write a wish list of all the things YOU want to do. Be kind to yourself.

Message me whenever you like x

Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 15:04:42

He left because I said some horrible things like I wanted to move out and stay with a male friend as I didn’t feel he was supporting me when I was in the cusp of losing my job. I apologised for this comment loads and loads and he seemed to understand it was said in panic and upset at the time. I was genuinely sorry and genuinely remorseful. I said I would spend every day making it up to him.

I think that was maybe the key thing that made him want to leave. Maybe he is right and I was simply too awful

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Honsandrebels Fri 01-May-20 15:05:35

@fifty8hate I’ve hit rock bottom twice. One through addiction and bad choices, lost my home, relationships and friends, no job, nothing in my life but my addiction. In my chaos I hasn’t been using contraception properly so I got pregnant and had a termination that went wrong, almost killed me . I was so low all that got me through hour to hour was an album I loved and talkback radio. I lived hour to hour. But I built myself up bit by bit and now have a wonderful drug free life.
Second time was right after my first baby. Again nearly died, 5 weeks later my dad DID die, mum had a breakdown, I lost my job while on maternity leave, we moved away from all my friends and family to buy our first house, and our marriage was in a terrible place. Again, hour by hour, music or whatever you can hold onto that keeps you grounded, it could be anything. Exercise, gardening, a pet, anything. Strip it back to basics, food, sleep, work if you have it. That’s success for each day. The raw pain doesn’t last, I promise it fades. I remember the bleakness and the conviction nothing will ever be ok again. But it will x

Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 15:06:12

He was supporting me I think with the job loss, I just couldn’t see it at the time properly. I was hysterical and I am embarrassed about it. I did what I could to apologise for the comment and I was incredibly sincere with him. He obviously couldn’t forgive me.I feel terrible

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NoMoreDickheads Fri 01-May-20 15:06:28

I blame myself too as my partner said he couldn’t live with someone who was so hysterical over lockdown

If he wasn't someone who would support you emotionally then he's not a 'partner' worth having, or even a friend. A lot of people find the lockdown hard, and you weren't being irrational to worry about your work.

It's early days so you're bound to feel awful. Time, music, letting off steam to people, maybe medication or therapy (which you could get over the phone) could help.

Actually I think medication would be good, as your mental health was already not at its best. You could talk to the doctor over the phone.

Either way, these things take time, all you have to do is wait it out. I know you said you don't feel like it, but if you can go out for some walks- being outside can take you out of yourself a little.

Eat well- maybe deliveries/takeaways, or anything that can tempt you and you usually enjoy.

Get any practical stuff sorted out like benefits etc if you're eligible. Others can help you fill in forms etc if you don't feel up to it.

Best wishes. xxxxx

Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 15:08:16

I feel so so stupid for making that comment to him. It was cruel of me. I was in a dark place. I would have done anything for him to forgive me and he knew that. I’m so devastated.

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Sugartitss Fri 01-May-20 15:09:27

In my early twenties, i lost my home, job, partner and a baby in the space of a month. You will get through this op. Who have you got for support in real life?

Sugartitss Fri 01-May-20 15:10:58

Is it possible that he already wanted out and is just using what you said as an excuse? Don’t beat yourself up op x

Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 15:11:42

I have got some support in real life. I am just not coping with thinking about the future and I am tormenting myself with what I said to my partner. He blames me and I blame me.

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Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 15:13:17

Sugartits I’m not sure possibly. But what I said was pretty bad?

He seemed to understand and forgive it after it happened and I apologised. Then a day later he just snapped and he’s said that what I said and my general behaviour was the reason

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FlowerArranger Fri 01-May-20 15:18:33

@Fifty8hate.... Very sorry you find yourself in this horrible situation. A few things that may or may not be helpful...

Realise that every person on this planet will, at some point in their lives, experience something that seems to shatter their entire worlds.

You WILL get through this. Trust me on this.

Things that can help:
- allow yourself to wallow in your feelings of despair for the moment; try to consciously sit with these feelings, accept them as valid, but don't let them consume you.
- setting a time limit for grieving can help: "I'll cry for half an hour, but then I'll spend an hour doing...."
- every day, make a conscious effort to do something that gives you joy, even if it is just listening to a piece of music that you love.
- eat something, anything - but try to stay clear of alcohol.
- remember that the Samaritans are always just a phone call away; just knowing that they are there for you can help.

Grieving and dealing with despair can seem overwhelming, but fundamentally it's just like eating an elephant - one bite at a time. You too will overcome this.

isthismylifenow Fri 01-May-20 15:19:34

OP I have been at rock bottom. After day 8 of not being able to keep one bite of food down and not slept for even an hour I was admitted to the psychological unit in hospital. I had a breakdown after finding my husband's long term affair which completely blind sided me. I didn't tell a soul about it and I think this was a very big factor in this. So I don't know if I can give good advise but it's important that you let those around you help you, even if it's just someone to listen. Then eat what you can, even if it's a piece of chocolate. Then next is to go half an hour at a time, if it helps then plan if you need to. So next 30 mins I will fold the washing. Then I will feed the dog. Then I will read, and use your hour of outside time to get out for a walk. The timing is making it more difficult but if you try to keep your mind busy, you get through the day and then have the day behind you. Keep doing this but go hour to hour, then 2 etc. You will get through this. And keep postimg here.

Fifty8hate Fri 01-May-20 15:22:00

I don’t think I can cope. I am tormented by what I said to him.

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