Jsut a rant really. Dh and I have both been wfh for the past 5 weeks, dd5 off with us for almost the same amount of time. Dd isn’t his bio daughter but we’ve been together since she was 1, we are married and and we consider ourselves a family, share her costs, etc.
By now I feel seriously resentful about the domestic situation. Dh and I both work in IT, fairly busy jobs even now, and the big idea was to divide up working hours and childcare/home schooling. However this listed about one week and now dh pretty much parks himself at his desk (I have to use the kitchen table to work as we have a small flat) for the whole working day, except when he makes lunch. To be fair he will do lunch for me and dd too but that’s basically it. He’s on calls a lot, working solidly until he finishes up around 4 and then he’s straight on his beloved computer games until dinner. Or- to my annoyance- he does an organised group computer game with his work colleagues during work hours, something he is planning to do today.
Meanwhile I bought all the extra crafts and activities stuff for dd at home, there’s a box full of sticker/puzzle books plus all the work sent home from school, and she has lots of toys and books and things to do besides. He never takes the initiative to do anything with her during the work day or otherwise, if I have a call one of two things will happen. Either they will start an activity but his patience level will be so low it will peter off because she’s not “concentrating enough” or whatever, or he will jsut put a screen on for her. He doesn’t seem to have the inclination to sit and do a reading book or activity with her to contribute to the homeschooling routine. He never takes her out for her walk during the day- he’s done it literally once or twice. And then in the evenings when he is “free” he will do some dinner for us then just plays on computer games/has a bath/goes on his phone while I do dd bath/stories/bed and by the time
I get done at around 9pm I’m so knackered. The weeks feel so draining as it’s so driven by me. When I’ve tried to raise it he completely denies that I’m the only one doing the stuff with dd, but it’s true. The other day I was feeling really low and called my sister for about 15 mins to vent and it only took that long for him to tell dd off about something really harshly, he has no patience and just blames it on his stress levels. But the fact is he’s not doing as much as me. I do all laundry, cleaning, hoovering, tidying, cat litter tray etc as well as the childcare. Because he does most washing up and he cooks most days (which is actually his hobby/it relaxes him) he says it’s not fair to say I do more and I don’t appreciate him!!! He gets at least an hour a day to himself when I take dd for a walk, plus he gets to relax when he is done with work at 4 or 5, he even gets “fun time” during work when he and his colleagues do an organised online game. And he doesn’t get interrupted during the day as I’ve just learned it’s too stressful due to his obvious disinterest in doing stuff with dd.
I know he is dd stepdad but he has no interest in balancing this with me. He likes paying lip service to it eg complaining to his manager how hard it is “homeschooling and working” but that’s laughable, he’s not doing that! I am! I’ve already taken 2 days of annual leave to look after dd.. he won’t consider it.
I never realised before how much he sees all this as my job and it’s really disheartening. He wants a baby and I’m like, will he be different when it’s his child? Why? He’s not going to relinquish his addiction to video games/phone and become a whole different person? And he clearly sees chores and childcare as the woman’s work.
Ughhhhhh...
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Relationships
My H is doing hardly anything and I’m so cross
Jamandbreadd · 01/05/2020 11:09
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