Hi all
I’ve posted many times before about my mother under different usernames. In a nutshell she stuck with a man who was occasionally violent (he pushed my head underwater in the bath and physically threw me out of the house- two examples) and put me down and criticised me every day. I spent 12 years living in that house of hell wanting to die, ringing childline and self harming. When I moved out at 19 I had a nervous breakdown and didn’t work for 8 months. She was nowhere to be seen.
And so it went on, she’d meet up with me for a jolly day out or visit but when I actually needed her (like when I put myself in hospital through SH and needed 11 stitches) she didn’t want to know and said she couldn’t see me that day because they were going to paint their hallway! I sat in A&E alone and then sat and watched tv with my arm on a cushion all the next day in agony. I could give a million examples like that.
So then she marries a new partner, I marry my husband and get pregnant and suddenly she wants to be my best mate. She’s in love with my child and we stupidly decide to move back to my home town for her support with dd. Within a few months of moving back here I start to get awful pains in my body which develops in to full blown fibromyalgia. I know it’s because I’m now living amongst the ghosts of the past and her all the time and it’s affecting me. The rheumatologist asked me as one of his very first questions did I go through child abuse.
The fibromyalgia snowballs and I find myself buzzing with anxiety and shame being around my mother. She is very judgemental of people’s houses/ lives/ weight/ clothes and I find myself paranoid of what she thinks and I keep practising conversations with her in my head. I start seeing a therapist who tells me to send a letter to my mother about how I really feel over everything and everything is blown apart. I have a second nervous breakdown and end up on several medications for stress, anxiety and depression.
My mother and sister then decide to turn up at dd nativity play uninvited giving both me and dh a shock.
Then my grandparents both die within a few months. My aunt tells me that my mum wants me banned from seeing them because she’s not seeing my dd. I go anyway but don’t feel I can face everyone so I missed their funerals.
That was last year.
I’ve been unable to shake the guilt over stopping contact with my mother and it’s like a lead weight on me every day. Why won’t it go?!
The other night I was extremely emotional so I messaged her for the first time in years (bad idea). I said I don’t feel I can ever forget and get over all the things she has done and how badly she has affected my life and that I miss her (the good bits!) but my health has been dreadful because of it all.
She replied with a gushy I’m sorry about the past but we have to move on and enjoy the present and she loves me and always will etc.
I was in turmoil last night thinking what do I say what do I do and in the end I blocked her on my phone again while I get my head straight.
I know, I’m a mess.
if you read all that, thank you.
Any advice would be v appreciated.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
In turmoil over my mother- please advise
16 replies
TurmoilBird · 01/05/2020 07:23
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.