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Never had support with DC, now feeling better placed than many to deal with the lockdown.

(19 Posts)
CliffStitorus Thu 30-Apr-20 18:25:33

My apologies if this subject has come up already recently, not had much time to myself to come on here.

Have seen many threads over the years about situations similar to my own, where despite having extended family nearby have never been offered help with the DC, made harder as one of mine has ASD. They are fully aware my DD needs a break from her brother (as could I) yet make zero effort.

Was wondering if anyone else in a similar position is almost glad to be used to doing everything yourself, the lockdown is slightly less of a shock to the system.

OP’s posts: |
SeriouslySoDoneIn Thu 30-Apr-20 18:29:06

I’m used to doing everything myself, including raising one child with ASD, a preteen and a toddler. None of that makes it any easier and lockdown has made my life a hundred time’s harder and definitely didn’t make it any less a shock to the system.

But maybe you’d care to share how you’re dealing with a child with ASD and no school/nursery/having to go shopping/siblings never getting a break etc?

AnnaNimmity Thu 30-Apr-20 18:36:37

I have seen someone say that yes. but like the pp, I think it's not the same as previously - I'm used to doing everything alone, but it's a million times harder now - you have the kids all the time, there's no help, no let up and you have to juggle work and home ed. Add in the increased costs, lack of a cleaner, worry about what happens if you become ill and the lack of delivery slots etc, and it's so hard.

CliffStitorus Thu 30-Apr-20 18:46:08

Don't get me wrong, the lack of time to myself is driving me up the wall, but I expect that's the same with pretty much everyone.

I'm not saying lockdown isn't like groundhog day on steroids with the relentless repetition coming from my son, but I find school holidays equally tough esp the summer holidays that feel like they go on for years.

My point was that having done so many school holidays alone I feel better equipped to deal with this.

With my son, I've always found he's easier to deal with when he's had a good walk, so we've been doing the 5 mile round trip school run most days which which gives him a bit of normality and can be done avoiding other people pretty easily. I know I'm very lucky to have found something that works for him as every child is different.

OP’s posts: |
SeriouslySoDoneIn Thu 30-Apr-20 18:52:15

Well good for you. Unfortunately you’re most likely in the minority, rest of us are struggling to hell and back.

Though as a side note for anyone with a child that has ASD and is drastically struggling with the lockdown, I found a time clock helps with the uncertainty a little. He knows each day what we’ll be doing at what time, doesn’t stop the meltdowns over not knowing when this will all be over and go back to normal but it does help a bit more with him finding day to day life easier

CliffStitorus Thu 30-Apr-20 19:00:42

I'm not saying I'm not really struggling, but I think I'd find it harder if I was used to some respite outside of school hours.

OP’s posts: |
SeriouslySoDoneIn Thu 30-Apr-20 19:35:23

Like I said, good for you.

PumpkinP Thu 30-Apr-20 19:40:57

Yes thanks for this post op I agree. I’m a lone parent to 4, oldest has asd. I’ve never had any help, their dad is absent and hasn’t seen them in years. No family help at all. The only break is school. No one helps me at all, It makes me feel very strong seeing how so many can’t cope with what my life is like all the time, sometimes I wonder how I manage when so many people seem to be unable to but I guess they are very use to help... people who have husbands to help so many people are so reliant on family etc.

yummytummy Thu 30-Apr-20 19:46:40

i agree. also a lone parent with no family support whatsoever. and agree with pp when seeing so many people who can't cope with a very short period of difficulty. i guess i find it hard to relate as never had a big loving family etc so when people are saying "i just want my mum" as grown women i don't really get that. it's not sth i have ever had.

HollowTalk Thu 30-Apr-20 19:48:48

"Good for you" is surely a hostile thing to say!

PumpkinP Thu 30-Apr-20 19:50:33

Yeah same, I’m nc with my mum, we haven’t spoke in years, I didn’t realise how often people saw family until I seen it on here (people missing their mum after a week)this is no different from the 6 weeks holiday for me, no break at all, kids home 24/7. Only difference is we can’t go out.

SeriouslySoDoneIn Thu 30-Apr-20 19:52:01

@HollowTalk glad it came over as intended smile

yummytummy Thu 30-Apr-20 19:52:48

exactly pumpkinp. it does kind of make you feel a bit like an outsider as we seem to be a minority

sneeuw Thu 30-Apr-20 20:03:27

OP I think you're saying that in comparison to the people - of whom there are a lot more than you previously realised - who have supportive families, and/or help in their homes such as nannies/babysitters and cleaners, your normal life has made lock down less of a shift. If you normally have parents who can pop around, or a cleaner who does all the housework, to suddenly find yourself in lockdown PLUS having that taken away, it's a bigger shock to the system then if you didn't have that support.

And I totally agree.

And it in no way means you're sailing through it.

PumpkinP Thu 30-Apr-20 20:16:19

Yes definitely yummytummy I’ve been wondering how all the other lone parents are, all I ever see on here is people complaining about struggling because their partners working all day or because their mum can’t watch there kids anymore. So many people get a lot of help, they are very lucky.

Dk20 Thu 30-Apr-20 20:23:33

Yeah maybe so.

I'm not a single parent but my dh works away from home Monday to Friday.

I work full time and on top of my work hours I had a 1 hr 15 min commute each way to and from work 4 days out of 5 in the week (I was allowed to WFH 1 day a week prior to this) and had to log back on to work after the kids were in bed to do overtime.

With DH away I was responsible for everything for the kids whenever I wasn't at work. 6yo with ASD and 10 month old.

Now DH cant work so is home, I am WFH and life is so much easier.

Tbh I am happy now and dont want things to go back to the way they were before for us sad

hunneymonsters Thu 30-Apr-20 21:15:35

I get what you're saying too @CliffStitorus and have been feeling the same but it's not something many people would get if, like
you say, they have always had support from family or partners. Dont get the nasty posts at all.

CliffStitorus Thu 30-Apr-20 21:37:57

Really glad some people have got the point I was trying to make, rather than spewing out sarcasm or bleating on about fuckin cleaners. Must be nice to live in a little priveleged first world bubble, while millions upon millions don't have access to a safe roof above their heads or clean water, and where any kind of social distancing is impossible.

My German mother who was 11 when the war ended and grew up near starving with tanks rolling by in her town has taught me that "it could be worse", and to appreciate what you have, rather than focus on what you're missing.

So many people who have even had only a tiny glimpse of what every day life is life who have asked how I cope, but what does not coping involve? While it feels like you're about to spontaneously combust, it hasn't happened....yet.

OP’s posts: |
hunneymonsters Thu 30-Apr-20 21:52:21

Yeah I agree about people having it worse, I'm healthy physically and so can cope, it must be awful if you are ill and not able to go out and don't have support nearby. I also maybe think if you have been through bad times in the past, then you accept that you will get through this too and that it won't be forever.

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