Hi all
I am after some advice regarding the relationship with me and my partner. We have been together for over 10years, been married before, and have children from those. We have my eldest (28) live with us and my daughter (13) who is co-parented. We have the usual relationship arguments etc, which settle.
The issue is basically sex and intimacy. We hold hands, cuddle, and everything like that. But the last time we had sex was over a year ago, even then it was as and when. This has been like it for about five years.
She is 48 and has had early menopause, which I fully understand and what it entails. We have discussed this in the past, but it really didn't go well and I was told that is all I think about.
She also told me that she can not relax in bed as she thinks I may make a move on her, that she doesn't have a sex drive, and does not care if she ever feels that way again.
So for a long time I have been wondering what to do, I never make a move anymore, we go to bed and cuddle.
If I do try to talk about it, she says things along the lines of 'I can not just switch it on' 'I am trying, but it is not good enough for you'.
I don't have the most active sex drive, but I am actually getting into bed and resigning myself to the fact it is not happening.
I have suggested slowly building up, making it special, massage, flirting my txt, and that it does not have to lead to sex, but it never seems to work.
I really do not want to appear shallow, I also know it is not all about sex but it is getting to me.
If it was the other way around, I would hopefully think that I would see the importance in a relationship.
I love her to bits and the thought of cheating is not an option. It has knocked my confidence if that makes sense. I am scared to approach it because of the reaction.
The thing is, she loves to be held and cuddled, hold hands etc....I don't get it and despite everything, I am fighting a losing battle.
The other thing is that because my dh is autistic, I have to sleep in with her, so I am only with my partner half the week. We have discussed this and she says she can relax those nights.
Any advice would be great..TIA
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Relationships
Advice re Intimacy
14 replies
ste22 · 30/04/2020 13:18
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