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Need a bit of help please

(11 Posts)
ElizabethMountbatten Thu 30-Apr-20 12:48:11

Hello,

If someone is a known flirt, but nothing else in it but banter and has always been this way, would you think people mentioning to their partner about their cheekiness or misinterpreting it as a come on was their problem or the flirty one's issue to sort? As in, should other people stop interfering and making something more out of cheeky comments/compliments such as "you look cute" to someone's selfie, or "girls night out indeed" in response to a captioned picture of a woman in a very low cut dress?

Or should the partner stop giving out compliments quite so readily considering their partner is being contacted about them from time to time and their feeling of self worth is suffering a little because of it?

All online comments are made publicly, no hiding anything. No stalking profiles or save pictures or any of the other things that would start alarm bells ringing.

Who needs to moderate their behaviour? The person making the compliments and comments? Or the people who are so puffed up over it that they message the partner?

OP’s posts: |
Menora Thu 30-Apr-20 12:50:18

This is not written clearly enough but if other people are making comments they clearly don’t feel comfortable with it and the person making comments should consider how others might feel and dial it back a bit. It’s not just the partner who might not appreciate it but also the recipient

Thingsdogetbetter Thu 30-Apr-20 13:27:03

If people are contacting saying partner is a 'cheeky' and coming on to them, what they actually mean is persistent sleaze who is making them feel creeped out.

If you're in denial that your partner is just flirty by nature and multiple people are misunderstanding it as a come on, that's your issue and rather naive. It usually takes persistent comments to get someone to call out come ons especially to their partner.

I also query your idea of compliments. Would you consider a bloke yelling nice tits or equivalent at you on the street a compliment? He's doing the same online. Creeping out women disguised as innocent 'banter'. Does he really think these women are flattered and appreciate his comments? Because they're obviously not. Has their discomfort and yours stopped him? Nope because he doesn't care -- therefore his motivation isn't to compliment and make them feel good, it's for his own gratification.

ElizabethMountbatten Thu 30-Apr-20 14:28:27

Ok, so in your opinion, how should it be handled? Talking about it seems to generate embarrassment and offence.

OP’s posts: |
Puddington Thu 30-Apr-20 17:55:46

Who is offended when you talk about it, the partner? It may be that if people are complaining that the partner is making "flirty" compliments that are unwanted or come across as creepy or strange, that it might not be a bad thing for the partner to be offended or embarrassed? After all that's presumbly how the comments they make to other people make those people feel. How do YOU feel about it (presuming this is your partner)?

WeShouldBeFriends Thu 30-Apr-20 19:07:11

They are not compliments

Menora Thu 30-Apr-20 20:43:44

I would stay stop making a tit of yourself love other women don’t appreciate your creepy comments and it’s making other people feel uncomfortable - including me because people have made comments to me about it

ElizabethMountbatten Thu 30-Apr-20 20:55:59

Thank you. He genuinely doesn't seem to see how it can be taken as anything but compliments or just a nice uplifting comment, but I'm the one who gets asked to explain what he means! He's rather poor with understanding social cues and boundaries, but I'm sure he must know that mentioning the way a woman's figure or boobs look is crossing a line? Or calling them honey or "gorge" which I absolutely loathe! I will add that he's just as complimentary to men, which has led a few to think he's giving them the come on as well.

OP’s posts: |
category12 Thu 30-Apr-20 21:22:28

He shouldn't be commenting on women's figures or boobs. Would he say it to their faces or is it online only?

It's cringey.

Menora Thu 30-Apr-20 22:57:00

I think you gonna have to say to him look, I am sick of being asked about this so please dial it back. It’s not actually fair on me or the people you comment on because it could be taken as inappropriate or unwanted attention. I don’t want us to fall out with any friends over this so let’s just draw a line under it and stop. I am sure you have the best of intentions but that’s not how it is coming across

AManSpeaks Thu 30-Apr-20 23:00:24

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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