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Giddy but scared I'll put him off.

(79 Posts)
justanotherdayinparadise1 Wed 29-Apr-20 13:36:12

I have met someone on line a while ago. We have messaged back and forth and spoken on the phone. I'm
Giddy with excitement as is he but we will meet when lockdown is over , as far as we can predict at the moment but I'm scared.
Scared because although I am comfortable with myself and my body, the fact remains that it's big and wobbly. I'm
About two stone overweight and have a flabby belly and I'm
Worried that he won't find me attractive physically when it comes down to dtd. Also I haven't had sex in a year and my husbands affair did plenty of damage to that side of my confidence.
Please advise. I don't want to ruin the build up by being worried that he may reject me. Already there has been lots of lovely phone sex and message sexting and he is eager, but I've told him From the start that I won't be sending intimate photos etc as I am nervous about putting that stuff online and also I would like a little left to the imagination. Thoughts and advice from men also very welcome, thank you.

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opticaldelusion Wed 29-Apr-20 13:42:42

Sorry but WTF? You're getting way too carried away. You've not even met him! There might literally be zero chemistry and you sit there staring at each other feeling completely embarrassed that you contemplated sex with a complete stranger.

Glitterb Wed 29-Apr-20 13:45:36

OP, you need to calm down! Phone sex already and you haven’t met?

Are you new to online dating? Are you looking for a relationship?

justanotherdayinparadise1 Wed 29-Apr-20 13:46:15

We have been on line daily for weeks.
You are right, we haven't met and the chemistry may not be there irl but my issue is my body.

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NotMyNigel Wed 29-Apr-20 13:51:22

Your issue is that you haven’t a clue who this person really is because you’ve never met. It might be your parents creepy 75 year old neighbour or the weird guy from accounts in your office.

justanotherdayinparadise1 Wed 29-Apr-20 13:53:34

I know that he is who he says he is and that what he has told me is the truth .

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Specialized101 Wed 29-Apr-20 13:54:35

Also,and with respect,why don`t you use lockdown to get your body into better shape if it worries you so much.
I`ve treated lockdown as a training camp,it`s given me a positive focus for an hour every day so far

Raella50 Wed 29-Apr-20 13:55:31

Are you sure you want to be having phone sex with someone you’ve not met??!! They could be a catfish!!

justanotherdayinparadise1 Wed 29-Apr-20 13:57:52

Thanks for advice. I am walking and watching my diet.we have discovered that we have mutual acquaintances and I've checked out everything he has said.
I'm really enjoying it.

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Eesha Wed 29-Apr-20 14:01:39

@justanotherdayinparadise1 personally id dial back on the phone sex but concentrate on looking after yourself and self improvement. I'm going YouTube workouts and whilst it's not showing hugely on the scales, my body is certainly fitter and more toned.

Try and keep the heavier stuff for when you actually meet otherwise you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

Eslteacher06 Wed 29-Apr-20 14:03:50

I've been in a situation where I talked daily with someone for hours and when we finally met, everything just changed. It's easy to build an idea when he's not in front of you and then be disappointed when you meet.

Plus this way, you'll never go on dates, which I feel are very very important. You've pretty much already "put out" now by having phone sex so when you do meet, he has no reason to make an effort.

Don't worry about what you look like. He could be a complete toad. I feel you need to work on your self esteem. I mean that as nicely as I can.

Take care!

justanotherdayinparadise1 Wed 29-Apr-20 14:08:27


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FlowerArranger Wed 29-Apr-20 14:09:32

Already there has been lots of lovely phone sex and message sexting and he is eager, but I've told him From the start that I won't be sending intimate photos etc as I am nervous about putting that stuff online and also I would like a little left to the imagination.


@justanotherdayinparadise1...... Are you quite insane?

Not only is all this unsafe and premature - but where is your self-respect?!

RitaConnors Wed 29-Apr-20 14:13:58

When you meet you are goi g to be further on in the relationship than you should naturally be.

Anyway, if you are unhappy with your body then this is the perfect time to do something about it,

SVRT19674 Wed 29-Apr-20 14:14:21

Why do women especially send explicit pics to randoms. Then they are surprised when their pics end up on google or they start receiving stalking calls from perverts, because they broke up with the guy and revenge ensued. Incredible.

Menora Wed 29-Apr-20 14:16:46

Can you not just get to know him as a person for this time, slow it down a bit
He may in person be not what you think

justanotherdayinparadise1 Wed 29-Apr-20 14:22:12

Yes thanks.we just got carried away. I need to dial this back a bit and
get to know each other a little better.
I have no issue with self respect. I did that because I wanted to do it
Was comfortable with it.

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something2say Wed 29-Apr-20 14:22:34

I've seen this play out many times too.
Build up, crash.
Or, build up, deny the crash, several months on ask, what was I thinking?

It's all fantasy at this stage. Really.

justanotherdayinparadise1 Wed 29-Apr-20 14:23:06

Ok thanks.

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Menora Wed 29-Apr-20 14:29:41

Yeah it’s more that it’s based on excitement and not on any common grounds or interests. It can crash and burn quickly as once the sex happens there isn’t much else keeping you together

Depends what you are looking for really

something2say Wed 29-Apr-20 14:34:53

The other thing to bear in mind is this....

Does he 'have' you?
Are you a sure thing?

Not very exciting really.
And not demonstrating that you respect yourself either.
He is a man who's not shown you who he is and you're falling for him already....

Not very exciting at all in fact.

Draw back carefully.
And then meet him.

Menora Wed 29-Apr-20 14:42:06

Always interesting to see how he will react if you decide to pull back a bit

justanotherdayinparadise1 Wed 29-Apr-20 14:51:25

Yes it will. Fingers crossed and thanks for advice.

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Excited101 Wed 29-Apr-20 14:53:46

I've done online dating for years, they're NEVER like you think they'll be if there's a long lead up before you meet. And yes, they're often talking shit, even if they don't realise it. Be careful op, I hope you do better than me out of it :-)

justanotherdayinparadise1 Wed 29-Apr-20 14:54:33

Thanks for advice .

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