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Husband threatening to take child

(14 Posts)
trumpisinsane Tue 28-Apr-20 10:00:56

Lockdown has been difficult, like with lots of people, but we already had problems end of last year that we saw a marriage counsellor for.

Being together 24/7 isn't helping, we are bickering over silly things, things I have tried to say 'This is silly, lets draw a line and not let it escalate' but my husband won't let it go.

He always threatens to take our child if we split up to his parents in Wales (we are in England), which scares the life out of me as I know he can take him anywhere in the UK and I can't stop him.
I know he says this on purpose to hurt and upset me, and it is one of the reasons why maybe I do stay. If I knew he would be staying locally if we split it might make things easier.

He also says things like he would get 100% custody as I can't manage our child on my own (I can, and he is better behaved when it is just the two of us).
He also says he does the majority of childcare, which is rubbish, and I've worked out that he has our child for 2 hours a week on his own! I have him 13 hours on my own, the rest is joint care, nursery or my parents.

Is there anything I can do if he does take him? Our son is almost 3, we usually share childcare around our jobs, alongside nursery (which he isn't in at the moment), and my parents look after him one day a week (before COVID-19) and have done for over a year, and I also spend time with them (and him) on a Saturday when my husband has football.

We currently live in my house (my Dad is on the mortgage too, but it's not in my husbands name).

I just want to know what my options are if he did take him away.

OP’s posts: |
NoMorePoliticsPlease Tue 28-Apr-20 10:04:48

I think you need to consult a solicitor.

category12 Tue 28-Apr-20 10:09:21

You can stop him moving away with the child with a prohibited steps order. I would speak to a solicitor on the quiet and get the legal side of it clear in your head before you split.

Louise91417 Tue 28-Apr-20 10:09:27

Agree, you need to speak to a solicitor. Your husband sounds unpleasant to say the least and is using ds as a weapon. Start lining your ducks up...

IDontLikeZombies Tue 28-Apr-20 10:09:39

If your DH did take him to Wales, how would he support himself and the wee one? Does he really believe that uprooting DS from his nursery, his friends, his other grandparents, all his familiar surroundings and most of all you would be in DS's best interests and be viewed as such by the courts? No, of course he doesn't, he's just spraffing shite to hurt you. He won't take DS anywhere. He is, however, a not nice man and I wonder if this is the life you want to be living.

category12 Tue 28-Apr-20 10:10:24

FallonSwift Tue 28-Apr-20 10:13:49

You need to contact a solicitor urgently.

Don't tell your H anything. Make sure your child's birth certificate and passport are in a safe place where he can't find them.

Quartz2208 Tue 28-Apr-20 10:24:28

Actually you can stop him moving

Eesha Tue 28-Apr-20 10:27:45

Speak to a solicitor, are you based in London? I can send you some recs if you need. My ex threatened this but actually was trying to scare me into submission. In reality, he didn't really want them that much.

Flyg Tue 28-Apr-20 10:53:25

Its quite common for men to threaten this. It was done to me. Get legal advice. Its interesting that he doesnt think you can cope, but is happy to still go to his football every weekend. My ex also used to make me crazy with claims he was doing more than me. To this day I do not know whether he was truly deluded and thought he was, or whether he was gaslighting me.

I left and my life is so much easier now. And amazingly after texting that he was getting a solicitor and was going to "wipe the floor with me"....the resulting letter from his solicitor offered me double what i had asked for to sign the house over and didnt mention custody or childcare once.

From what you have shared about your situation, he sounds all talk to me. You should probably make steps to leave him.

trumpisinsane Tue 28-Apr-20 11:07:35

Thanks everyone.

I've asked him to stay away for a couple of nights, just to give us some breathing space, but he won't. Said he has nowhere to go, apart from his parents, and then uses the 'I will have to take X as you can't cope on your own with him'......

OP’s posts: |
copycopypaste Tue 28-Apr-20 11:43:24

He's talking absolute bollocks OP. He's using this to control you, keep you in your box and a method to get what he wants.

I bet my bottom dollar that if you said 'ahh ok, that'll be fine, means I can see my mates and get a job or put my efforts into my career' he'd shit himself as he has absolutely no intention of following through on his threats.

I suggest you speak to a family solicitor and they will tell you what he's saying about taking the kids, moving them and getting 100% custody is all fantasy. They will also advise you on how best to see a divorce/separation through

copycopypaste Tue 28-Apr-20 11:44:13

Have you got anywhere you can go op?

EKGEMS Tue 28-Apr-20 15:20:14

What exactly do you say when he starts talking bullshit?

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