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I'm so confused

(6 Posts)
Beth199 Tue 28-Apr-20 09:21:25

My partner and I have been together 2 years and had a baby 3 months ago. We didn't live together so started talking about buying a house together for when baby arrived. We both have a child each from previous relationships, and we wanted to all be together like a family. We started arguing when he bought a house himself without telling me, the problem was that I had told him that I didn't want to live in a certain area because it was too far from my child's school, but he bought the house in this area. He didn't tell me he'd bought it until after he'd paid the deposit. I got super annoyed and still feel really disrespected, as I was telling him that we should move half way between where we both wanted, compromise so neither of us would feel bad.
My child has really bad anxiety and some learning problems so I'm not prepared to change their school, and they find it hard to make new friends. Living in his new house would mean a 30 minute drive to school every morning.

I got really upset about this and left his old house to go back to my house (he still hasn't finished doing up the new one he bought), which I think was a mistake and possibly made things worse.

We were apart for about three weeks when he came round a few days ago to say he thinks we should break up. I told him that I was sorry, I think I've got a bit if postnatal depression and that's made me overreact about everything, and I told him I think we should try living in his new house together for our baby's sake. I personally think we both gave up too soon.

But yesterday when I texted him to ask if he'd reconsider he started saying that me leaving had annoyed him and he thinks that shows I don't want to be a family and he's super annoyed. I completely understand that, I know now that I shouldn't have done it but I feel like he's blaming me for leaving and not owning up about the fact he bought a house without talking to me, after I had told him all the reasons I wouldn't be happy there.

I don't know if my PND is making me react like a complete idiot and whether or not I'm actually the one who is completely in the wrong, but I think we're both at fault.

I'm so confused as to whether to try again with him or not. I feel like we should admit that we were both wrong and try for our baby's sake, forgetting everything that's happened over the past few months. Or should we just leave things the way they are and stay separate.

OP’s posts: |
AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 28-Apr-20 09:39:49

I would stay separate. This all really started when he bought himself a house (was that also done in his sole name?) without telling you.

Robin233 Tue 28-Apr-20 09:49:34

So he buys a house 'behind' your back?
Doesn't sound like he was planning on combining households by buying a together house anyway.

Surely , regardless where the house was, the whole family should be having 2nd viewings on any particular future homes?
Huge betrayal.

Did he just expect you to live in a house you hadn't seen , or maybe didn't like?

Or had he been planning on separating all a long ?

A future with it him sounds like one where your option wouldn't-count for much ever.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 28-Apr-20 09:50:50

Stay in your house OP.
Keep your independence.
This man is not your partner at all.
He's made a unilateral decision to just move half hour away when he knows you don't want to.
I think there is something else afoot here as well.
If someone loves you and wants to spend their life with you, they do NOT do what he has done.
Stop pandering to him.
You know what you want and this is to stay where you are for your DC.
This is absolutely how it should be.
Put your DC first.
Tell him he can stay in his house and you will stay in yours.
You can co-parent but you will not be giving up your independence for someone who could do what he did without any thought for you or your DC.

Cantpickausername5 Tue 28-Apr-20 10:04:59

So he bought a house behind your back in his own name in an area that you specifically said you didn't want and impacted your childs school and your apologising? Clearly this man does not respect you or children in the slightest. I'm so sorry your going through this but I can't see how you can get around it I'm afraid. It really does sound like he has planned for you all not to move in together.

Beth199 Tue 28-Apr-20 11:14:27

He's told me that he bought the house hoping to change my mind about living in that area. He does genuinely seem to want us all to live together, but it is obvious he wants it on his terms.
I had been on my own for 7 years with my first child, so I do want to try harder to stick together for our baby wihh him being so young. My eldest doesn't mind living further away from school at the minute, it's all my thoughts at the minute.

OP’s posts: |

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