........just be thankful for what we have?
Hi, I already have this running chat, but thought I'd stick it here too 🙂
First of all, I know nobody can tell us what to do and onlyweknow the answer, but honestly, this decision is driving me crazy and I just can't seem to move forward, so could really just do with some outside advice.
My wife and I were pretty much dead set on sperm donation and were due to start the process this year. We are early to mid 30's and so we wanted to get a move on.
I already have a DD from a previous relationship, who has just turned 13, so there would be a big age gap. She does herself worry about this, so that's definitely something we have taken into consideration, although ultimately, this does have to be our decision.
However, after trying desperately to get our heads around the somewhat, unusual reality, that our baby will share 50% of their genetics with a stranger, (a stranger we will be incredibly grateful to, of course!) we started to really struggle and wondered if perhaps adoption was a better route for us.
If we did adopt, we would be happy to adopt an older child - perhaps siblings, but would not consider adopting a child with severe special and complex needs, as it wouldn't be fair on my DD who will soon be starting her GCSEs. As terrible as I would feel saying this, we do need to be honest and do what is best for our family, as well as the child.
Another benefit of adopting an older child would be that our adopted DC and my DD would be closer in age and my DD would be very happy about this. That's not the only reason we would be looking at adopting an older child though.
However, we do worry about how much negative reporting there seems to be around adoption. I have read so many horror stories of people's lives being torn apart. I actually did know one personally, so I would by lying if I didn't say this is a big concern for both of us.
The other option is, I suppose, keeping the status quo. My DD is finally doing well - this has been a bit of an uphill struggle to get to this stage. DW and I are in a good place, we are financially stable and enjoying having more disposable income etc. But then actually all of those positives could also be reasons we should go ahead and have another DC, one way or another.
Another positive of staying as 3, would be having more freedom I suppose. It won't be too long before DW and I aren't tied by school dates etc and that is certainly a nice thought. Oh and sleepHow could I forget sleep?!
We are happy as 3, but I can't deny, something is missing and I ask myself a lot, if we decide not to go down either route, could that void be filled in another way? I.e, a new career or just generally throwing myself into something that I'm really passionate about. Something I've not done for a long time.
Anyway, I don't want to ramble on, so will leave it there for now, but I would really appreciate your thoughts and maybe experiences, if you can relate in any way.
TIA
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Relationships
Sperm donor? Adoption? Or......
LockdownLiquidLunch · 27/04/2020 17:46
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