MIL driving me nuts

[hayley2257]

Ok so my MIL is driving me up the wall and I'm not sure if it's just my hormones as I have recently had a new baby.

I also have a toddler. The toddler looks exactly like her Dad and is a lot more like him and his family than me. MIL would message every now and then saying how toddler is just like her Dad because she likes X,Y,Z. It annoyed me, but I know I was being unreasonable.

I had a baby a few weeks ago and everyone has commented and been shocked at how much she looks like me (obviously no one has met her in person). MIL is only one that hasn't said she looks like me. She has only made a couple of comments saying how she is like her Dad because baby won't take a dummy and like her Daughter because she won't let me put her down.

Suddenly MIL has started bombarding me with messages about how my eldest is like her because of so and so, she's like her Dad, she is like her Daughter. All the things are silly things like "she's just like me, she likes fuzzy felts", "she's just like her Dad, she loves hats, "she's just like auntie, she loves getting dressed and undressed". Pretty sure all these things are standard for any toddler.

I'm just trying to work out why she is suddenly like this? Could it be because of the new baby being like me, or possibly because she misses the eldest and wants to feel close to her etc.

Either way it's winding me up, but chances are it's hormones, I know I'm being ridiculous

[blackcat86]

Solidarity hugs. I have the same with my MIL who goes on at length about how DD is just like DH or SIL. The only thing she could come up with me for me is that she had my eyebrows! MIL totally disregards my role in growing, birthing and raising DD as if wishing I wasnt there (she has actually said in a random conversation that if I disappeared I wouldn't be missed and they would just raise DD - not a cat in hells chance that would happen fortunately). I find it really disrespectful and undermining but have come to mostly ignore her and create distance. If she wants something I direct her to DH because I always find interactions draining and upsetting. I also feel it was a large part of my PND.

[hayley2257]

Oh crikey, she sounds like a nightmare. I just don't understand why some MIL's do this. I can understand every now and then making a comparison, but to constantly do it and leave the Mum out seems really bizarre to me.

I'm not surprised if it contributed to PND as the comments make you feel like you are unimportant and as if you are an outsider.

Will never understand it!!

[Artandlove]

Must admit I’ve never understood why once the kids come along the mil treats the mother of the kids like an outsider. Strange.

Mine used to tell me how tired and pale I looked when the children were first born, wouldn’t hold them as babies, wouldn’t help with anything as they got older (never changed one nappy or fed them), she would arrange to come over and not turn up, expected me to cook her 3 course meals because I wasn’t working, she’d make remarks to me once my partner left the room, didn’t appear to have a bond or love towards them, wasn’t interested in our lives etc etc. Whether her not having much of a relationship with her son over the years was the reason or if it was me she didn’t like that caused this I’m not sure. Anyway, the point is that I would spend a lot of time getting upset about it and thinking how it wasn’t ‘normal’ and I’d get angry - I wish back then somebody had said to just shrug it off because she won’t change and isn’t worth it.

Now we see her as little as possible and when she plays up I just keep my distance from her for a while. It’s too much hassle to deal with and she isn’t my mum so my partner can see to her. She’s upset that the kids got older and she now doesn’t have the relationship she’d want with them now they are older. It’s hard to get the bond if it’s not created from the beginning. She still makes comments to me and talks at me through the kids. It won’t change, change the way you feel and respond to it all.

[CoffeeBeansGalore]

My MIL kept pointing out the traits in my first dd that she felt came from their side of the family, & only kept photos in which she claimed my dd was "the spit" of my sil or DH. Then when dd2 was born she virtually accused me of having an affair as she looked nothing like any of her family (DD2 was the image of me)!
She didn't like it that as dd1 got older she started to look like my DM & then never displayed photos of my dcs, only pics of SILs DCs who all took after SIL.

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

You are an easy target. Your children are an ever flowing fountain of things for her to use against you. You need to emotionally disconnect and blank her every single time.

My third was a very cute baby. She favored me, unmistakable. Mil would go on and on how beautiful she was but swore she favored fil's mother, or couldn't tell who she favored, or this or that. I did not ever respond. It is just bait. Leave it. Dh was her favorite. Anyone he married was going to get this crap from her. It wasn't about me, it was because she was a bitch (yes, "was", thankfully).

[Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe]

Of course they look like their dad,he has very strong sperm.That should shut her up! or something like funny you should say that you are the only one who thinks that everyone else has said she is the spitting image of my great aunt flo! Deflect her everytime she will soon learn to shut up.My MILsaid our dd was like her dad in everyway,she was mean and used every opportunity to get a dig in with me one day I had heard enough and was so upset I just left and didnt go neither did dd.It was like I had been used as a vessle to give birth then discarded.She lost a lot through her nasty ways..she is still loosing 8 years later! She is spiteful and I am not having that crap in my life neither for me or my dd..she might look slightly like her dad and I am happy with that but she has my fierceness and my personality and for that I am grateful! Your MIL sounds just silly..why not try smiling and saying with a tinkly laugh something like oh Jean again really? My ovaries are so offended you think they had no part in this tinkly laugh and rolling of eyes at this point! I really think it is sad when people do this,its almost like they feel they are loosing control and have to cause upset to be relevent when if they thought about it and were decent they would gain so much more ...chin up OP it says far about her than it ever will about you and your children.