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Age gap

(19 Posts)
FloMoJo Sun 26-Apr-20 22:26:41

So, not sure how this has happened but I have become close with a guy at work who is 17 years younger than me (30&47). We have spent a lot of time online together since the lockdown and are in BFF territory for sure, maybe? But a little flirting too. We have loads of interests in common - I am loving having a new friend who gets me and I enjoy talking to but have been wondering if it could ever be more.

Is it the lockdown and my hormones talking or could this age gap ever work blush. ??

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nightswimmers Sun 26-Apr-20 22:59:41

If you are both single, enjoy it

GilbertMarkham Sun 26-Apr-20 23:11:41

Has he got any kids?

FloMoJo Sun 26-Apr-20 23:18:11

Both very single. My youngest is at secondary. He doesn’t have any. I don’t know if he is even feeling the same but I feel like there could be something - we both totally love our own space and he knows I wouldn’t want anyone to move in full-time or anything, even in the future. (Not getting ahead of myself or anything!)

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Humanswarm Mon 27-Apr-20 08:15:56

My Mum's best friend, now 59 has been married to her husband a year, he's 17 years younger and they have been together around a similar to you. They're very happy, I love being around them..

FloMoJo Mon 27-Apr-20 22:31:27

That is great to hear. - if and when I get the guts to ask him how he really feels!

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Humanswarm Tue 28-Apr-20 06:42:06

Just enjoy..people are so eager to break everything down..question. If it makes you feel good..go with it..Have fun lovely x

AlwaysCheddar Tue 28-Apr-20 07:42:39

Good for now but long term, no. You’ll be 40, he’ll be pushing 60, when you’re 50 he’ll be almost 70!

strawberry2017 Tue 28-Apr-20 08:02:02

Honestly I don't see it working. I don't mean to be harsh but you are 17 years older, you have had your kids.
He's only 30 and still has years to think about these things.
It might work out great for a while but eventually I think it's highly likely he will want his own family and that's something you are not likely to be able to do. Even if he says at the moment he doesn't want a family once he sees his friends having them I think that will change.
Enjoy the flirting but I don't think anything beyond that is a good idea.

MMmomDD Tue 28-Apr-20 08:03:15

Enjoy it for what it is for now but try to not plan plan out a future. It can be a lot of fun in the short term.
However, realistically, there isn’t a future there. You are in very different stages of lives and this age gap will catch up with you.
Sadly, if it were reversed, it’d be different. But such is life. Most men aren’t Macron.

Onthemaintrunkline Tue 28-Apr-20 08:09:34

I truly don’t mean this as unkind, but your reality is not his reality. Your life experiences don’t coincide or match his. He’s 30 and you are at quite a different stage in life. Enjoy it for what it is, but as strawberry 2017 has said, he could at some point in time be wanting a family of his own. I echo....enjoy the flirting.

FloMoJo Tue 28-Apr-20 09:01:43

You are all saying what I’ve been thinking - life stages are more important than age even. I guess do I want risk upsetting the current balance of a great friend (who I will also be back working with post lockdown)?
The other side is that I am still completely drawn to him - I need to have a word with myself!

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Sharonfruits Tue 28-Apr-20 12:25:54

Some of what you are feeling could be just due to the amount of time you are spending in close, albeit virtual, proximity at the moment. I once spent 3 months working closely on a project with a colleague who I had never has even a brief, 'oh you're cute' thought about before. At the end of the 3 months, I was convinced we were destined to be together and was kicking myself for not noticing him sooner. Because we worked together, I thought it better to take things slow so started a 'campaign' of spending more time with him out of work to see if I got any vibes that he might feel the same. He clearly didn't because he started dating someone else.

Long, story short, we still work together but not closely anymore and when I see him now, I don't understand why I was ever attracted to him. We are both single again now, but there is no way I would date him. I'm convinced it was just the spending so much time together, sharing an experience, that led me to fancy him.

Isitsixoclockalready Tue 28-Apr-20 12:41:28

@AlwaysCheddar, the OP is older than him. Not that I think that it's an issue.

CHIRIBAYA Tue 28-Apr-20 14:16:40

Would you be asking this question if it was the other way round? Seriously? & would these comments be the same if it was the guy who was 17 years older? Of course not, different set of rules for men. How can anyone on this site possibly know what is right for him and what is right for you, predicting that this will or won't happen, as if we are all destined to tread the same well worn route through life. What utter nonsense!! Go with what you feels right and don't worry about the age gap or what other people think!

taffia43 Tue 28-Apr-20 14:42:11

There's 15 years between me and my now wife(49 & 34), been together 9 awesome years and have a 7 year old. I'm the old one and she's the grown up one grin

enjoy and go with the flow.

teqcar Tue 28-Apr-20 14:46:31

Good for now but long term, no. You’ll be 40, he’ll be pushing 60, when you’re 50 he’ll be almost 70!

The other way round.

OP the fact he has no children would put me off getting involved.

teqcar Tue 28-Apr-20 14:47:12

Would you be asking this question if it was the other way round? Seriously? & would these comments be the same if it was the guy who was 17 years older?

Yes. There are threads and threads on here doing exactly that.

FloMoJo Tue 28-Apr-20 16:11:37

I definitely get what everyone is saying. I know this is all hypothetical - hearing others stories helps get some perspective I guess. What will be, will be, (after our release anyway!) I’m gutted we’re not in similar life places as we are so much on the same page with so much else.

I do agree that I am more aware of being the older one as a woman and how this is so unfair as I would not necessarily be asking the same if it were the other way round.

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