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Marriage advise and PMDD

(12 Posts)
SadAndLonelyMummy Sun 26-Apr-20 20:47:34

Hello, thank you for reading. I am asking for a bit of advise about my marriage, to know what is normal and what is not.

I have been with DH for nine years and have one DC 2 years gorgeous girl who is my light in life. Born after long TTc, three cycles IVF.
Usually things feel alright with OH.
We all have flows, he is a bit of a work slave, loves what he does but can be consuming. Even prefers to work on weekends and bank holidays. Also a bit closed off sometimes, I wondered if he might have a touch of Asperger but he is really quite sensitive and intuned to my emotions. Get on well, good laughs. He doesn't give me compliments but takes good care of me and DD. He doesn't drink or smoke or drugs and does cook and do a lot with DD. He is Spanish, I am from Mexico and we live in the UK now.

Every month when I get my regular I get horrible PMS (PMDD), I have no patience with him and will pick fights when I now I shouldn't. I even said in my head, take the rubbish out, just walk away but I can't help it. I start to analyse our relationship and see all things that are wrong with him and us and me. For example he doesn't put DDs toys away neatly or back with the right pieces, will just chuck them in a basket and I have to go back and sort them. Or I will look into a new thing for DD (a new toy or buggy) and he rolls his eyes that I am buying more things but then he loves it. Or I spent a few hours sorting out our cupboard and clearing space and he doesn't thank me. Or just the general idea that if I have free Time I will use it to do things for the family but he will take the time for himself (play games or read something related to his work.) Little things like that but it adds up and makes me feel unappreciated. Then that all adds up to an idea in my head that we don't have a good marriage, he's selfish , I'm unhappy, we should get divorced. (This would be absolute nightmare since we are not UK citizens and have a DC here but no other family.

Once my period has come I usually feel better and see these small things as normal, no one is perfect and feel very content. Does this seem normal or odd? Has anyone else had this? what do you do? Xx

OP’s posts: |
Poppygirl96 Sun 26-Apr-20 21:24:41

I wouldn’t ever tell you to leave a relationship but sometimes you have to weigh up the good vs the bad. First of all have you sat down with him and actually spoken properly about what’s bothering you? No kids involved just you two. Perhaps it would help to see an online counsellor as well. One thing you could try is one date night a week where you focus on eachother. No kids no chores just eachother whether it be sex or fun together watching a movie ordering a takeaway or playing a game. Try to remember why you got married in the first place and if you really love the person you are with. I was in this situation and I tried counselling it made me realised that I was simply too unhappy so I left and started my life again. It was hard but the best decision for me and my son. I think you should try counselling and take things day by day before jumping into anything rash though x

DrunkUnicorn Sun 26-Apr-20 21:31:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GilbertMarkham Sun 26-Apr-20 21:38:33

You could try a contraception that stood you from ovulating or changes the hormone behaviour.

Some mini pills stop ovulation in most people/most of the time. They do take a few months to settle into though.

You could also look into different diet, supplement, exercise and relaxation approaches.

Even just marking on s calendar "you are pms'ind!" can help.

Other than that he sounds rather irritatingly typical of many men.

GilbertMarkham Sun 26-Apr-20 22:06:04


bookishtartlet Sun 26-Apr-20 22:13:22

I could have written this post 7 years ago. Please go to your GP, I have this issue and it honestly nearly ruined my current marriage as i was out of control. I would pick fights all the time over daft things, get really wound up with my husband, who is not perfect but didn't deserve my moods or behaviour. I started taking low level RRSAs (antidepressants basically) and took up exercise. My mum had this same problem, she never sought help and i didn't want my son to see some of the things i did growing up. Don't be too hard on yourself. What does your husband do or say when you are like this?

NoMoreDickheads Sun 26-Apr-20 22:17:38

They prescribe anti-depressants for PMDD- have you tried them for that? If you've tried some then please give your doctor another ring, they can try different ones or up the dose.

Having said that, the things that annoy you are real. xxx

Fairycake2 Sun 26-Apr-20 22:18:12

I suffered terribly with my hormones, normally the week before my period, and had bad PMS. Would get annoyed over silly things and could hear myself being horrible without the ability to stop it. I went and saw my GP who prescribed citalopram. It is an anti depressant but was prescribed to help control my hormones (I definitely was my depressed). They really helped and I now only take them every now and again

vegvegveg Sun 26-Apr-20 22:18:48

Hi OP, I have PMDD and do this every month, it's exhausting. I actually loathe my partner before I get my period and I also get low and weepy around ovulation too. Go to your GP there are treatments out there. And don't make any life changing decisions when you are hormonal. Best wishes.

Iw24wImI Sun 26-Apr-20 22:23:23

This. Is. Me.

I am sorry you all suffer too but I am so glad I am not alone. It got worse after I had the children.

I manage it through contraception, exercise, self awareness and good self care but I can still get v bad days and I often wonder about low dose anti depressants. The doctor has talked to me about them...

BroomstickOfLove Sun 26-Apr-20 22:26:04

It's worth going to your GP to see if you can get effective treatment for the PMDD. In the meantime, if you aren't tracking your cycle, you should do that, along with tracking your mood and behaviour, and make a big note on the days when you are affected by PMDD to remind you that what you are experiencing isn't necessarily based on reality, and not to act on those feelings until you are back to normal.

I schedule things around my symptoms, so that I have more work and socialising arranged around the middle of my cycle, and have as little as possible to do the week before my period is due, including allocation of housework, so that I can spend more time doing stuff that helps.

Backtothenewme Mon 27-Apr-20 11:59:01

Treat your pmd. I prefer natural remedies. I take 5htp capsules available online from Holland and barrett. I take 1 in the morning every day and then an additional 1 in the evening a week before my period. It really helps with my mood swings anxiety and depression. All natural no side effects. Helps with insomnia too. Look it up for yourself but either way focus on your self care before making big decisions like leaving your dh.

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