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Loneliness.

(14 Posts)
Greenmum2019 Sun 26-Apr-20 19:54:48

How do people work through the emotions that come with it?
I'm never in my own, but always feel lonely.
I do/have had depression. But I think my emotions are from loneliness.
I am married with children. But feel alone with everything.
I don't know whether it's me that isolates myself and I in turn feel lonely. Or am I in a loveless marriage.
Either way.... I'm struggling to cope with it and the fact we are in lockdown makes me feel just awful. In survival of each day.

OP’s posts: |
MikeUniformMike Sun 26-Apr-20 21:05:41

Lockdown does exacerbate such feelings. I'm not finding it easy.

It might be worth trying to get the depression sorted.

What are your relationships with DH and DC like? Do you have a support network?

What would you like your life and relationships to be like?

Greenmum2019 Sun 26-Apr-20 21:09:39

I guess I thought my depression was under wraps. Medication and close contact with gp each month.

Kids keep me very busy as all three young. Husband very hands on domestically.... but not good at intemacy. It's how we both differ.
But I just blame myself for my feeling of unsatisfaction and loneliness. Thinking maybe I'm too needy or insecure. I swing so frequently and dramatically in my mind of leaving him or oh we are fine it's me that is the issues. It's exhausting.

OP’s posts: |
MikeUniformMike Sun 26-Apr-20 21:27:53

Try to see the good side of things. Not easy. Count your blessings and all that.

Do you mean intimacy as in affection in general?

Might couples counselling help?

I'm going offline now, but I hope someone will have advice.

Poppygirl96 Sun 26-Apr-20 21:33:14

I’ll be honest I felt like you and you probably won’t want to here it but no matter how much I took my medication I wasn’t dealing with the true gut feeling at hand which was that I was no longer in love with my partner. I had terrible anxiety all the time and I felt very depressed and alone In my own relationship. I eventually left the relationship which took me a lot of strength and courage. I have felt soo much better for it! I’ve been making friends online talking to people on apps and moving on with my life. It was hard and I felt so guilty but at the end of the day my happiness is more important. You won’t feel like this forever. Do what feels right. I suggest couples counselling first and speaking to your partner, maybe changing the meds your on. And deep down ask yourself. Do you truly love your husband or are you just settling and afraid to be alone? x

Poppygirl96 Sun 26-Apr-20 21:33:29

Hear it* my bad

Greenmum2019 Sun 26-Apr-20 21:39:35

I do love him.... But deep down I know something isn't right.
Because we arnt deeply unhappy it's hard to consider seperating because the upheaval for the kids doesnt seem worth it.

Well done on Leaving....
I'm not afraid to be alone....in fact i know it will be easier in many ways

OP’s posts: |
newstarting Sun 26-Apr-20 21:53:17

I’m totally in the same boat. I wake up each morning with a feeling of dread because I’m so lonely. I don’t feel any deep/true connection to anyone in my life apart from my kids. Friends keep lying and/or letting me down. Nobody seems honest or dependable these days. If I don’t initiate contact then nobody messages me. I’ve just had enough of it. Me and my DH have had s rough few years and although he’s trying really hard right now he’s said some really hurtful things that have left a dent in my respect/view of him. Sometimes I look at him and feel nothing. I don’t ever feel warm when I look at him. I just want to be happy!

Poppygirl96 Sun 26-Apr-20 21:55:08

I felt that deep down something wasn’t right. I surpassed the feelings for years convincing myself that I loved him and eventually I gained the courage to leave. What are the reasons that you feel something is wrong deep down inside, is it to do with your relationship or something within yourself maybe you are your inner saboteur trying to ruin things or you are getting into your head. Go to counselling maybe for yourself and try to see if it can help clear your head and talk about your thoughts. xx everyone one is different my story could be completely different to yours and your path to happiness smile

caffeineandchoc Sun 26-Apr-20 23:08:39

I feel the same. I posted yesterday about how miserable I am feeling but you’ve said between you what I feel better than I managed. I too feel no warmth when I look at him - just annoyance and/or anxiety that this is all there is. It so unbelievably lonely.
We will sit next to each other all night with nothing to say. I wish he’d leave and go to a different room because that would actually be less stressful and lonely.
Sorry I don’t have anything useful to say. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone x

Bearski77 Mon 27-Apr-20 01:12:29

Same here. I'm so lonely too. The only affection I get it from my kids, and I need it from a man. I feel like I'm wasting my time and my woman-ness if that makes any sense. All I want is a cuddle from another adult, but not from dh. I can't wait til he goes off upstairs with a cd, or to the shop or something. I too feel no warmth when I look at him, tbh I can't look at him, he just gets on my nerves. It's an awful thing to say, but that's how I feel. Hugs to all the lonely ladies here x x

Itsallpointless Mon 27-Apr-20 02:11:02

Hi OP, sorry to hear you are feeling lonely, it is the most awful feeling isn't it? I think if you've always felt this way, the relationship you have will probably exacerbate the feeling, however, it doesn't sound like it's you're relationship that's the problem.

Have you looked at your childhood? That's normally where everything stems from, and will probably be where you need start from to get to the root of your problem.

I too, feel lonely. It is deep within me, and I have resigned myself that I will always feel this way. I was in a relationship for 7 years, I was incredibly lonely in that relationship. Admittedly I wasn't happy at all, and I finished with him, but he wasn't the cause of my feelings of loneliness, it runs much deeper than that.

I can be surrounded by people, and still feel terribly lonely. I am aware of this, and try hard to acknowledge those feelings, but it's a work in progress.

I have low self esteem and self confidence, think nobody likes me, and always feel excluded. I joined a Meetup group when I split with my partner, I chat to everyone, and feel like I get on with them, but I watch others make friends, while I barely make acquaintances. I constantly question myself, what am I doing wrong? I have decided to distance myself, see if anyone actually notices my absence, I doubt it, so I will eventually leave the group. They're all nice people, I know it's me that has the problem. The group magnifies my issues.

I hope you find a solution to your problem OP, I would try looking for the root of it first. These isolated times are truly a time for deep thought and reflection. thanks

GingerBeverage Mon 27-Apr-20 10:05:18

I have low self esteem and self confidence, think nobody likes me, and always feel excluded. I joined a Meetup group when I split with my partner, I chat to everyone, and feel like I get on with them, but I watch others make friends, while I barely make acquaintances. I constantly question myself, what am I doing wrong? I have decided to distance myself, see if anyone actually notices my absence, I doubt it, so I will eventually leave the group. They're all nice people, I know it's me that has the problem. The group magnifies my issues.

I do this too. I even find group chats difficult and feel as if I always say the wrong thing.

Greenmum2019 Mon 27-Apr-20 12:44:10

Thank you all of your, lovely to give you time and thoughts.

I am a self saboteur.... But I think being with someone who is not affectionate and emotionally distant makes it even worse.
I'm not good in relationships ... I need excitement all the time to make me feel happy.

I do think it comes from childhood. Rejection, advise and constant critical voices. I have low self esteem and never feel loved or valued. It takes a lot to feel love and to be fair to husband.... It prob would never fulfil that. It's unhealthy isn't it.

There are incompatabilities between us but hard to address when I have these issues.

Thanks for the advice.
I will look to go back to councilling I think. And focus on bring happy in myself.

OP’s posts: |

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