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Is passive aggressive behaviour a red flag?

(26 Posts)
paintthehousered Sun 26-Apr-20 17:56:41

Started seeing a guy just before lockdown so no real attachment to him yet but we get on well and have lots in common. We obviously aren't seeing each other in person at the moment but we keep in touch virtually. A couple of things happened in the past week that led me to googling passive aggressive behaviour and he has signs of it. Is this on its own a red flag or am I just being over-cautious?

OP’s posts: |
Dozer Sun 26-Apr-20 17:57:34

Red flag for what?

In what ways has he been passive/aggressive?

iklboo Sun 26-Apr-20 17:57:32

It's bloody annoying at the very least. Gets very wearing.

OldWomanSaysThis Sun 26-Apr-20 17:58:36

Can you give an example?

Opentooffers Sun 26-Apr-20 17:59:16

Can be, but depends how often it's on display and for what reasons

Rezie Sun 26-Apr-20 17:59:20

Depends on the frequency and the topic. Most of us are passive aggressive occationally. I

arethereanyleftatall Sun 26-Apr-20 18:02:33

Well, like what?
I'm afraid your op on its own means nothing.

Noellyj Sun 26-Apr-20 18:06:12

Can you give an example lovely

ThatsWhatHeroesDo Sun 26-Apr-20 18:07:51

You've only started seeing him and he's acting in a way that has you googling things and wondering if they're red flags. He's shaping up to be a pain in the arse, bin him.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Sun 26-Apr-20 18:08:30

By itself it's not a red flag in terms of abuse, but its massively annoying and is definitely a sign of a poor communicator, which is a massive PITA

paintthehousered Sun 26-Apr-20 18:18:24

So the example that made me google. We had a bit of miscommunication about Skype date. I was supposed to call him but didn't realise that. Instead of just chasing me up and asking what was going on, we had a couple of days where he took far longer than normal to rely to messages and was deliberately evasive (he admitted this later), when I asked him stuff.

Other possible signs are his use of 'it's fine', when really it isn't and a lot of moaning about his house mate but not making any attempt to resolve the situation.

OP’s posts: |
Hawkmoth Sun 26-Apr-20 18:23:04

Yeah, bellend.

youngnick Sun 26-Apr-20 18:25:37

I would personally find it a red flag for me personally, in any kind of relationship, and even if not aimed at me but at someone else it would be very off putting for me.

Even if someone who says something which clearly indicates that they don't think much of you but is not out-rightly rude in a PA way might not be a red flag about abuse necessarily, at the same time it would indicate they don't appreciate and care about you in the way you'd like a partner to, surely....

Passive aggressive behaviour can be abusive eg if they do something which they know will hurt you but in such a way as to make it difficult to prove it was their intention, I think

category12 Sun 26-Apr-20 18:26:12

Well, it's more of a "why would you bother?", isn't it? Couldn't be arsed with it, tbh.

KnobwithaK Sun 26-Apr-20 18:27:15


HollowTalk Sun 26-Apr-20 18:27:15

Oh I couldn't be doing with that. Very poor communication skills, trying to make you look bad... no way. Dump and tell him why he's dumped, too.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Sun 26-Apr-20 18:28:02

The important thing is how he reacts when (if) you call him on it. I can be very PA, which I think is due to my upbringing (expressing anger overtly wasn't 'safe', so I had to do it in ways that slipped under the radar). DH calls me on it every time and I do apologise, though it sometimes takes me a few minutes blush

FourDecades Sun 26-Apr-20 18:32:58

So he was sulking.... can't be doing with a grown man that sulks.

Haffiana Sun 26-Apr-20 18:39:11

It depends. Some people would be fine with constantly trying to work out what is wrong and/or appeasing their partner and coaxing them out of their sulk du jour.

Me, it would make my vag shrivel firmly shut at the first sign.

Wanderlust21 Sun 26-Apr-20 18:50:39

To me it's along the lines of sarcasm and both I consider red flags now adays. If ppl say they have a sarcastic sense of humour I usually think 'bitter, avoid'.

Though when I was young I probably would have been like 'oh me too' - but that's because I was a miserable fucker due to being around all that toxic and having it rub off on me.

I say stay away from people who display passive aggressiveness, consistent sarcy attitude or glass-half-empty mindsets. They arent happy with the world or anything in it. And they'll only bring you down.

MadamBatty Sun 26-Apr-20 19:06:55

so you barely know this man
& already he’s being a pain in the arse? why bother

Dery Mon 27-Apr-20 09:04:38

“so you barely know this man
& already he’s being a pain in the arse? why bother”


fuckoffImcounting Mon 27-Apr-20 15:42:41

Don't be worrying about a stranger - mug him off.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 27-Apr-20 15:54:16

If you like him, I'd probably call him out on it and see what his reaction is.
Tell him you find it PA and that's not acceptable to you.
You either communicate as adults or don't bother!

billy1966 Mon 27-Apr-20 17:15:07

He sounds like hard work.

PA is wearing and a head fxxk.

Why would you bother would be my question.....this is who he is OP.

Good luck

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