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Ex doesn’t seem to get that it’s over

(4 Posts)
Nc25 Sun 26-Apr-20 14:59:51

Nc as ex knows I’m in here and I don’t know if he knows my usual username.

Me and ex have been together 3 years and have 1 child he has a couple of kids from a previous relationship.

I ended things with him about 5 weeks ago it was in heat of an argument but I had been having doubt about our compatibility for a while. Don’t really have that much in common, prefer to do our own thing separately, no intimacy or sex, sleep in separate beds. Once I had said it out loud I knew for me there was no going back.

I sat down with him a week later and calmly spoke with him about my doubts and the issues listed above and said I wanted to end things. He wasn’t happy but for me it’s like I’m living with a family member and even if he wanted to start having sex/ sleeping in the same bed I just don’t want to anymore. It would feel wrong and I have lost romantic feelings for him although I do love him as the father of my child. He highlighted a few things that he wasn’t happy with too.

He carried on as normal as I’d said I’d like to do for the children’s sake until he found somewhere else as I don’t want them to feel any atmosphere or unwanted/unwelcome. He then started talking as if we were still together I.e we need to start saving for Xmas or for the kids birthdays. I said have you had any more thoughts on our conversation he said he wants to make it work (for me it’s over and no amount of trying is going to bring back the relationship) but he can see that I don’t want to and I said it’s not that I hate him or don’t love him it’s just not in that way anymore and I want to get on for our child’s sake.

He’s acting the same again as if we’re together saying we, offering to buy stuff for the house (my house) he has been given a sum of money off a relative and the plan was for him to save for his own deposit on a property but he’s wanting to put money into the house and buy garden things and offered me money to pay stuff off and buy clothes?

I understand we are in the middle of a pandemic and I know he cannot easily find another house right away and I am happy for him to stay and save because our child will be going there and I want our child to have a nice bedroom/nice things just like I’d like his children to have the same and also for him to be happy in his home.

I’m finding it hard to keep saying that we aren’t together anymore because I know it hurts him.

What can I do apart from say for the 3rd time that we are not together any more? I was going to ask about the house hunt but He can’t do much at the min? I’m a bit stuck?

OP’s posts: |
Toly Sun 26-Apr-20 15:36:49

All you can do is just keep reiterating that it’s over every time he brings up joint future stuff.. he’s obviously hoping that you will just change your mind but surely he has to realise you mean it sometime soon otherwise you’ll have to ask him to leave

billy1966 Sun 26-Apr-20 15:41:17

He's trying to wear you done by not hearing you and ignoring what he's been clearly told.

Tell him one last time and tell him if he doesn't except it, its better he packs up and leaves.

SandyY2K Sun 26-Apr-20 17:22:33

Can you calmly ask why he keeps talking as if you're still together? Tell him his behaviour is puzzling to you.

If he continues, don't respond. If he asks why...tell him again you're not a couple, so xyz is irrelevant.

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