I have had a string of disastrous relationships. People who have been abusive or just emotionally unavailable. I seem to thrive on these, I enjoyed the game and the chase and being on my toes.
I have had therapy. I worked out I was scared of commitment. I get it now.
I’ve realised over the last few days that I threw a away a man that was totally and completely and fully into me...I loved conversations with him, we talked for hours and hours. The sex was good but not amazing. As soon as it ramped up and he wanted to put a label on it, I became terrified, pushed him away, felt unattracted to him, the list goes on.
Weirdly and coincidentally this man has contacted me to ask if I want to meet when restrictions are lifted. It’s come out of the blue and we have had some short text exchanges about it.
I am worried that if I meet him I will be stringing him along as I don’t know if I see him if I will feel that settling fear - which is sad because literally all I want in life if to be settled - I don’t want to go on another date and flirt all night with a stranger. I want to be with someone that makes me feel safe and I can build a future with. I am scared I would be leading him on though and also I feel conflicted because sometimes people say wait for the person who sets your heart alight! I have never felt like anyone has set my heart alight AND made me feel safe and loved, at least not in equal proportions. Am I being a failure to give up on that X factor and to see this man? Am I clutching at straws hoping I will feel differently or has anyone had this realisation and gone on to build a life with someone that is calm and steady?
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Relationships
Calm and steady man back after series of awful relationships... What would you do?
17 replies
Sophie628 · 26/04/2020 11:04
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