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If you’ve gone no contact with certain family members what was the final straw

(62 Posts)
Lardlizard Sun 26-Apr-20 07:45:01

That made you come to that decision

OP’s posts: |
allformykids Sun 26-Apr-20 07:53:38

I found out my mum had passed after I woke up from a nap as people were messaging me, my brother had posted it on Facebook before I'd even been told. Haven't yet forgiven him and it's been 2 years

Aussiebean Sun 26-Apr-20 07:55:26

Her blaming my long deceased father for our relationship.

They had divorced a few years before and apparently she overheard him say to 11 year old me the she didn’t love me.

Her response was to do nothing, say nothing and blame him.

95% sure he said no such thing. It makes her look bad as if I heard my husband say that to my kids I would do something about it then and there and she fully believed it was the answer.

It made me realise that she was not going to change. To admit fault. To apologise. To be a loving person/mother to me.

I gave up and protected myself.

ohmysoul Sun 26-Apr-20 08:00:18

My father having lied about many, many things told me that he was going into hospital for brain surgery and he was likely to die. Told me where his will was, what songs he wanted at his funeral etc. I was naturally suspicious after previous lies and when it turned out that this was a lie too it was the final straw. It's been nearly 4 years since we spoke and despite the fact that I've got married and had a baby in that time he hasn't reached out.

JellyBabiesSaveLives Sun 26-Apr-20 08:10:13

Something utterly trivial. That’s the definition of a straw, no?

Of course family thought I was being completely unreasonable to have such an over the top reaction to something so small. Best decision I ever made, wish I’d done it a decade sooner!

DoIneed1 Sun 26-Apr-20 08:26:32

My MIL's appalling behaviour in the run up to our wedding day. Then on the day itself loudly criticising everything.

It sounds a tiny thing. But my husband and I were getting married after 30 years together, during which my MIL has lied, screamed, cried, hit me (as a joke?!) and been vile to my husband. She was a terrible mother and is a nasty grandmother. My husband is low contact with her, but my aim is never to see her again.

differentnameforthis Sun 26-Apr-20 09:01:27

She stole a substantial amount of money from me, by deceiving a company into thinking she should be the beneficiary. Neither the company not the small claims court did anything to help me get it back.

She said she would keep it for me. In reality she bought her dh a games console and extensively repaired his car.

Almost 30yrs of NC.

FoxtrotOscarPoppet Sun 26-Apr-20 09:32:22

Mother was a narcissist, control freak and rapidly heading towards alcoholism.

Final straw was when my Dad received divorce papers in the post one day. They still lived together, there’d been no warning of this coming (a few rows but they’d always argued) and she filed for divorce on the day his pension hit its peak, thinking she’d get most of it.
She was thoroughly vile throughout and almost gave my poor Dad a nervous breakdown.
We found out afterwards that she’d been having an affair the whole time.

HazelBite Sun 26-Apr-20 10:32:14

My younger sister (encouraged and supported by her vile husband) took myself and my older siter to court in the belief (her over fertile imagination, no proof whatsoever) that we, as executors of our late fathers will, had taken a substantial sum from one of his bank accounts.
Of course it was nonsense and even hurt more as my Father had generously lent her and her DH a substantial sum to buy a house they had fallen in love with, and they had upset my Father while he was terminally ill, by not making any attempt to pay it back, even though they could.
It was the thought that she could believe that either me or my sister could be so dishonest, and take it to those extreme lengths.

pooopypants Sun 26-Apr-20 10:53:19

When I first became a mother and realised what it meant to love your child unconditionally. It made me realise that she only gave birth to me because she found out too late to have a termination. Compounded with the fact that I couldn't ever imagine treating my child the way she treated me throughout my childhood and teen years. I offered an olive branch and she prioritised a parking space over meeting me.

I've never looked back and have never been happier.

Aussiebean Sun 26-Apr-20 10:57:32

@HazelBite. My bet is she thought you and your sister were dishonest because she would have done if she could have.

Hedgehogblues Sun 26-Apr-20 11:04:38

I realised I couldn't heal from the abuse they had inflicted on me while still having a relationship with them

PumpkinP Sun 26-Apr-20 11:05:43

I haven’t spoken to my brother in 3 years. His partner made a malicious referral to social services about me, the weirdest part was I had never fallen out with her, or him. It was totally out of the blue. I had never had a close relationship with her but nothing had happened to prompt it. My brother took her side.

MaeDanvers Sun 26-Apr-20 11:06:21

When I realised how much their happiness would always depend on my unhappiness. Fuck that.

dontgobaconmyheart Sun 26-Apr-20 11:31:57

There wasn't a final straw really, though it felt like the fi al straws had been numerous and endless and I'd just never actually done anything about it.

Genuinely it just clicked one day that I don't HAVE to even engage, I don't have to see anyone I don't want to see, I'm an adult and can essentially do whatever the hell I like. So I did. It was the best thing I've ever done for myself and whilst I am sad that I lack a sense of family, and often waver over misplaced guilt, I have absolutely no desire to see them and function in a more stable way where my life moves forward rather than in a weird status, without them.

NotMyNigel Sun 26-Apr-20 12:07:24

When I realised that they were emotionally abusing my child. I naively thought that they deserved a chance to be better GP than they were parents.

Of course it shows that deep down , I still thought the abuse I experienced was my fault, so it would be different with another child.

It took a long time to understand that they were abusers and would abuse anyone vulnerable because THATS WHO THEY ARE.

newyear123 Sun 26-Apr-20 12:56:17

My dad was a really nasty, sadistic alcoholic who told me when I was 14 that if I left home, he wouldn't look for me. He had an operation and had moved to another country. I saved up for six months and went to see him as there was no one else there. He was so critical and abusive, that I couldn't stop shaking. I cut my trip short and never spoke to him again.

My mum sat me down on Christmas day and said there were other people she could spend Christmas with. I didn't go back for Christmas the next year and she refused to speak to me on the phone. She used to beat the crap out of me and was also sadistic like my dad. Never supported me, slagged me off to everyone and was basically a nasty piece of work. I haven't spoken to her in 3 years and have no intention to.

My siblings took my mum's side and treat me with contempt.

mindutopia Sun 26-Apr-20 13:19:47

MIL brought a known paedophile around my dc (convicted, went to prison, but was, of course, “wrongly convicted”). When confronted, she said she did nothing wrong and spouted off about how children manipulate men into situations where they can then cry abuse. hmm We told her to choose between him and her grandchildren, and she said she’d be fine to never see them again. It wasn’t a hard decision to make, as you can imagine. envy

mbosnz Sun 26-Apr-20 16:00:23

MIL brought a known paedophile around my dc (convicted, went to prison, but was, of course, “wrongly convicted”). When confronted, she said she did nothing wrong and spouted off about how children manipulate men into situations where they can then cry abuse. hmm We told her to choose between him and her grandchildren, and she said she’d be fine to never see them again. It wasn’t a hard decision to make, as you can imagine. envy

I have got literally no words for this. My gob is truly smacked. I'm not sure her gob wouldn't have been also. . .

Thethiniceofanewday Sun 26-Apr-20 16:17:42

Moved house, though I’d wait and see if any of them asked for my new address. 6 years ago, still waiting.

Windyatthebeach Sun 26-Apr-20 16:24:55

Mil snubbed our newborn ds after years of declaring to dh she didn't want to be a dgm.. Then expected to come to our wedding. She did indeed ring the suit hire shop and try to alter the choice of tartan dh had chosen for his kilt!!
Dh went and told her actually she wasn't invited to our wedding. Emailed lies about us to her friends and ruined our honeymoon plans.
Been over 5 years now.
No regrets.

Robin233 Sun 26-Apr-20 17:27:04

Just want to say - well done everyone

Warmhandscoldheart Sun 26-Apr-20 17:40:53

Turned their back on our elderly parents when they needed our help most. I finally realised how selfish they really were.

MsReturntoLife Sun 26-Apr-20 18:03:36

I am a single parent and only work part time. I don't get ant support, either money or practical help from the F. 2 out of my 3 sisters live reasonably near me (one is overseas). The 2 near me have partners. When help was needed for those 2 sisters I was the first person to be called. I provided assistance every time no matter what the demand was. I didn't object as I thought that is what being family is about.
One day it happened that one of my DCs fell and seemed to have a broken leg. I asked for one of them to take my other child while I took the other one to hospital. Both evaded the request so I took both DCs to the hospital. A nurse mentioned could no-one have looked after the uninjured child.
When I had settled the DCs after the hospital trip (the leg was broken) I started thinking. This is how it always was. I was the one to help and they sat back and took that help.
Since then I have not made contact with either of them and neither have contacted me. Looking back into the distant past this has been going on for decades and I was being far too soft and they took every bit of advantage they could.

Erictheavocado Sun 26-Apr-20 19:18:10

Person 1. A member of the wider family whom I had always been very close to. They always were very much 'me, me, me' , made everything about themselves. Were always the most 'affected' by any death in the family - even to the ppintbof trying to kick me and sibling out of funeral car when our dad died. Used their own 'poor health' to blackmail the family into doing whatever they wanted. Stirred trouble and lied about their part in the ensuing arguments. Final straw for me was at a famiyevent when they were very unkind to me, both in words and actions. It was noticed by seveyother people, so definitely not my imagination. Next time they contacted me I said I do longer wanted a relationship with them due to what had happened. They denied it, then I got the 'you know I would never hurt you'. I reiterated what I had said and have ignored every attempt at contact ever since.

Person 2. Suffice to say that 40 odd years of snide, unkind and downright nasty comments towards me and then my dcs and dgc mean I haven't seen or spoken to them in over a year now and I don't ever intend to do so again.

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