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Finding hidden alcohol

(36 Posts)
mumof2under2sohelpmegod Sat 25-Apr-20 10:33:57

So please, tell me thoughts on finding empty beer cans and bottles around the house, properly hidden (in a hole under bathtub for example) by your husband.
Is a legitimate reason- I thought you'd be annoyed if i drank in front of you? If you thought someone would be annoyed at you drinking would you do it anyway and hide it? Am I the crazy one here?
X

OP’s posts: |
NoMoreDickheads Sat 25-Apr-20 10:38:05

It's not normal to hide bottles of course. Has his drinking been the cause of arguments before?

mumof2under2sohelpmegod Sat 25-Apr-20 10:41:18

Yup, due to quantity, the after effect and his relationship with it, his emotional crutch and when he drinks everything comes out!

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Sat 25-Apr-20 10:41:34

Hiding alcohol is a very, very bad sign. Your husband has a serious problem.

Bluntness100 Sat 25-Apr-20 10:41:57

I’d assume alcoholic, drinking in secret and hiding the empties?

Not remotely normal.

Unless you’ve issues and don’t want alcohol in the house. Then you’re both being weird.

WingBingo Sat 25-Apr-20 10:42:34

Had an ex that did this. Hid it badly too.

He is still an alcoholic I think.

heartyrebel Sat 25-Apr-20 10:43:54

My alcoholic ex did this. Drink a little bit in front of me and a whole lot more that was hidden.
Classic signs of a huge problem.

category12 Sat 25-Apr-20 10:44:16

Alcoholism.

SavageBeauty73 Sat 25-Apr-20 10:44:29

My ex husband did this. It escalated to chronic alcoholism.

Not good. How do you feel?

heartyrebel Sat 25-Apr-20 10:47:00

I once opened a cupboard in the garage and it was full of empty beer cans and vodka bottles. He stashed them everywhere. It only got worse until he reached rock bottom about 8 years later.

YouJustDoYou Sat 25-Apr-20 10:48:21

Hi op, I did this. I was an alcoholic. Would hide bottles everywhere.

DatingDickheads Sat 25-Apr-20 10:50:55

I’ve just posted on another thread about this. My ex done this and this is when i decided to leave. It’s never acceptable to be hiding drinking alcohol. And he’s blaming you basically - he thought ‘you would be annoyed’. He’s saying you made him do it!

mdh2020 Sat 25-Apr-20 10:51:45

I’m afraid your husband is an alcoholic. For years my husband said he had given up alcohol but then his behaviour changed and I began finding hidden bottles. My sister used to pretend she was drinking juice but it was more vodka than juice. I believe you can access AA and Al Anon (for families) online at the moment.
You can’t stop him drinking. It has to be his decision. This usually only happens when a person reaches rock bottom and , in my double experience, rock bottom is much lower than you could ever believe.

FYI, In my husbands case, It was me who reached rock bottom and told him I was throwing him out after 50 years of marriage. He is now sober and involved with a charity that works with alcoholics and drug addicts.

You are in a difficult situation during lockdown. I wish you all the best. Stay safe and keep in touch.

Soph1993 Sat 25-Apr-20 10:51:52

Hello, you are not crazy at all, this would annoy me if my partner hid drinking from me and then went to them extreme measures to hide the evidence, I would not be annoyed if anyone drunk alcohol in front of me whilst I was pregnant or not pregnant but our situations could be different and even if they thought I would be upset id rather they said something then hid it, maybe he was genuinely just trying to protect you ? and wasnt thinking clearly the lockdown is making people act strangely however he could of just had a few drinks more discreetly respecting that you may not like it rather then hiding it , hiding drinking does not look good either. I completely understand why you would be annoyed with this try to be positive tho x

mumof2under2sohelpmegod Sat 25-Apr-20 10:53:41

Thanks everyone. I know what he is but honestly i think im naieve to alcoholism (the depths it can take you to as ive not seen it), i'd like to think that this will stop but its just i have no trust in him

OP’s posts: |
LividLaughLovely Sat 25-Apr-20 10:56:04

I found hundreds of vodka bottles in the lining of the sofa. God knows how I didn’t hear it rattling.

I divorced him eventually and he was dead at 39.

category12 Sat 25-Apr-20 11:03:01

Get in touch with Al-Anon and start learning about alcoholism. He's shown you clearly that he's not going to stop.

mumof2under2sohelpmegod Sat 25-Apr-20 11:04:58

@mdh2020 how do you feel now you're apart and he's sober etc? Do you resent him for not sorting it whilst you were together?
I'm 35 and right now have two small children, is there any hope we could work together and get through this?
X

OP’s posts: |
AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 25-Apr-20 11:05:29

mumof2under2

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Alcoholics hide empties in such a manner. There are likely to be more scattered about in your garage, shed, in the eaves, under the stairs too.

Please contact Al-anon and get support for your own self. I would also urge you to seek legal advice asap with a view to divorcing this man. This is no life for you or any children for that matter to be a part of because you merely lurch from one crisis situation to another with you firefighting it. You cannot save him but you can certainly rescue your own self here from this life and your children will thank you for doing that too.

If there is no trust there is no relationship. Your man's primary relationship is with alcohol and that is a cruel mistress.

Meadows20 Sat 25-Apr-20 11:08:33

A family member died in his late 40s from alcohol abuse. When his wife done up the house, she found well over 100 bottles hidden under the floors downstairs.

Hiding is never a good sign and sadly it sounds like the addiction has well and truly set in. Start seeking advice from Alcoholics Anonymous and your GP, they can refer you to services to support you as well as your husband. Good luck.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 25-Apr-20 11:11:50

"is there any hope we could work together and get through this?"

No.

There is no WE when it comes to alcoholism and if he does not want to properly address why he is misusing alcohol then there is nothing you can do to help him. What you have tried to date has not and will not work. There are also no guarantees either when it comes to alcoholism; he may well go onto lose everything and everyone around him and he could still choose to drink afterwards.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. Make no mistake either, you are not able to protect them from his alcoholism. Also these children will pick up on all the vibes both spoken and unspoken here, they sense how preoccupied and otherwise worried you are.

Do not get to 36 years of age or even older and be in this same situation. Hard as this is to read too, I would urge you to read this article because you are playing out the usual roles associated with spouses to alcoholics:-

www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/68440-alcoholism-tragic-three-act-play-there-least-4-characters-1-a.html

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 25-Apr-20 11:12:54

I would also urge you to contact Al-anon here:-

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

mumof2under2sohelpmegod Sat 25-Apr-20 18:03:44

So big chats today, we're going sober together. If you don't have hope then you don't have anything right? Currently were in lockdown and I need a new job so my situation gives me an opportunity to stay and do what i can do to support (I'm blody forced to let's be honest!).
Any tips on the first few steps? Any success stories please?
X

OP’s posts: |
category12 Sat 25-Apr-20 18:18:58

You really should speak to Al-Anon and get support there, and make sure you really understand problem-drinking/alcoholism. I think you're being quite naive thinking you and he agreeing to go sober will be successful.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 25-Apr-20 18:31:11

I feel for your children the most in all this because they are the ones who will and are feeling the effects of their dad's alcoholism here along with your naïve and further attempt to help him.

He has and will continue to hide bottles from you. Apart from wanting to help him (he does not want your help or support and what makes you at all qualified to help him anyway?) you sadly remain in denial as to the extent of his alcoholism and in turn are playing the usual roles associated with such spouses which are enabler, provoker and codependent partner. You are as caught up in his alcoholism as much as he is; its not called the "family disease" without reason.

This is no life for you or your children for that matter to be a part of because you merely lurch from one crisis situation to another with you firefighting it. You cannot save him but you can certainly rescue your own self here from this life and your children will thank you for doing that too. Contacting Al-anon would be a far better use of your precious time rather than making his alcohol problem further become yours too.

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