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Would you bring up that your DC doesn’t like your ex’s new partner?

(12 Posts)
ACNH Fri 24-Apr-20 04:05:14

I have made the decision that DC shouldn’t see their Dad because he was taking them to other houses since the beginning of lockdown.

My 9 year old really dislikes his GF and now she (and her child) have moved in with him. He’s always been fine with other GF’s his Dad has had in the past. So it’s not a case that he would be like that with anyone.

Before covid- 19 he had already agreed to delay them moving in together because of DS voicing his point of view about her.

My ex has now said he will take me to mediation/court, would you bring up anything about the partner or would that be disregarded?

Usually I wouldn’t get involved at all with this and have told DS many times to talk to his dad about his feelings.

OP’s posts: |
SnowsInWater Fri 24-Apr-20 04:19:39

You can mention it but tbh the fact that your DS doesn't like the girlfriend wouldn't hold any weight with any decision making unless she was actually abusive to your child. It's exasperating how many people (both mums and dads) put their happiness before their kids' when it comes to new partners but the bottom line is that each parent can make the decision about who is around their kids as long as they are safe. I would be very careful about using this as an excuse to withhold access. Unfortunately if they have moved in together it's a bit late to try and appeal to your ex's good nature! Good luck.

Inapickleortwo Fri 24-Apr-20 07:41:42

Have you found out why he doesn't like her? Things like 'I just don't' 'I don't know' 'I don't like her cooking' aren't really valid reasons should he say them and it could be more he's slightly worried and/or jealous of his space at Dads now being share by GF and her daughter. I can only speak from my experience but we tell DSD 'I don't know' when we ask why she doesn't want to go to mums isn't a valid reason into not going. It then transpired she didn't like the house being shared with mums BF and him making dinners with foods she doesn't like only be genuinely hadn't realised she didn't like certain things and mum has also made two versions when cooking.

Windmillwhirl Fri 24-Apr-20 08:00:32

Maybe your daughter doesnt like that her dad has another child that he focuses on. Surely if there was a legitimate reason you would have some inkling or she would have hinted something. Could be hatred from jealousy, which is not uncommon.

Her dad has a new life, it's understandable she is hurt.

Windmillwhirl Fri 24-Apr-20 08:01:31

Sorry, son not daughter

AlternativePerspective Fri 24-Apr-20 08:06:58

No court will agree to stop contact based on A, where your ex took his child after your split or B, how the child feels about his new partner.

Your DD is entitled not to like his new DP however she is in his life now, and either your DD will build a relationship with her over time or she won’t, in which case she can make decisions about whether she wants to go there when she’s older.

My DS doesn’t like my eXH’s partner. When I told ex he said it had to come from DS, so he told him and ex didn’t like it.

He and partner had a baby together, moved in together as well as her DC from previous relationship, DS withdrew himself from them for the most part and hasn’t been to stay there now for over three years. But he’s seventeen.

I didn’t get involved. I told him all along that things might change over time because he won’t be the same age forever and relationships change etc, but things didn’t change. But that was his decision to make not mine.

ACNH Sat 25-Apr-20 03:02:34

I’ll not mention it then, just trying to get everything straight in my head for mediation, thanks

OP’s posts: |
AgentJohnson Mon 27-Apr-20 13:25:14

What exactly doesn’t your child like about the his father’s gf? Is he having trouble adjusting to the change in the relationship dynamic with his partner, or is it something different.

LightenUpSummer Mon 27-Apr-20 13:30:24

Try to find out exactly what he's unhappy about. My stepmum wasn't technically abusive but she made very clear she wished dsis and I were never born, which was horrible and shook our self-esteem. Apart from that she also made sure we never had a second alone with ddad without her there.

If it's something emotional like this then you can try to counter it by explaining that it's not personal, that he's still important, you're glad he's alive, or whatever he needs.

LightenUpSummer Mon 27-Apr-20 13:33:24

But bear in mind he may not be able to tell you. There's no way dsis or I could've told dm (we'd have been too afraid of the consequences)

Greendayz Mon 27-Apr-20 13:42:24

I would help my child to think through and articulate what it is that they don't like about the GF. And then help them to have that conversation with their dad. He's much better placed than you are to address whatever the problem is.

Starlight1243 Mon 27-Apr-20 13:47:54

I agree with pp you need to find out the valid reason why he doesnt like her and if it's just a kid being insecure because another kid has moved in with his df or if he has genuine concerns over how he treated by her.

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