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Finding it harder to relate to best friend, feeling guilty(7 Posts)
I'm finding it harder and harder to relate to my best friend and its got to the point where I try to avoid her. We have nothing in common. She's married and I'm a single parent but she laughs at everything I try to do. She laughed when I told her I'd taken up a training course, she laughed when I told her I wanted to be a social worker and she completely ignored me when I told her I was starting with the open university.
She goes on about silly, trivial stuff all the time. A major incident to her is something like a kid at school skipping a reading level and getting ahead of her DS. She doesn't watch the news so I cant talk to her about current events. When that school shooting happened in america and it was all over the news...she knew nothing about it. She only knows about madeleine because of people talking about it at the school gates.
She goes nuts at her DS for the silliest reasons. Like yesterday she went mad because he'd seen his friend walking to school, said hello and carried on walking (he was walking with my DS at the time) and my friend went ballistic saying he was ignorent and she ordered him to go back and walk with his other friend. She then turned to me and told me about how pig ignorent he was...surely its more ignorent to suddenly stop walking with one kid in favour of walking with one you've just seen?
And lastly, if it doesn't effect her, she doesnt care. For instance my DS was being badly bullied by a boy in their class. Everytime I mentioned this kid my friend agreed that he was a brat and needed sorting out. But then her DS came home and said that this kid had stuck up for him during an argument with some other kids and so now my friend thinks he's lovely and sweet...despite the fact that he's still bullying my DS. Now if I mention the bullying, she completely ignores me.
I'm just bored of the same silly conversations about reading books and playground gossip. I'm sick of being laughed at (she now finds it hilarious that I've taken up karate, she said its embarrasing and that she wants to come and take a photo!)
I do feel guilty though because she is a nice person, we just don't see things the same like we used to.
I don't know if its because I'm doing stuff she wants to do but can't. (like working, going abroad etc).
Has anyone been through this? I suppose its like a breakup.
Had you ever thought that she wants to end your relationship? To me it sounds as if she wants to break off your freindship, but doesn't want to offend you so is trying a be nasty to you so you will dump her.
I am a bitch so when this happened to me, I killed him with kindness for a yr in a kind of stalkerish way. I drove him nuts in the end. I wouldn't do that though SMS I think now that I have mellowed, I would just walk away.
As an aside, can you take your ds to karate, it might make him feel less vunrable
I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you. It sounds to me like you're growing as a person, taking on new skills, challenges, experiences. And she's in a rut (being kind) or just dull (being unkind!)
IMO, friendships alter over time, as each person changes. However, some of my best and oldest friends are people that I have little in common with now. But shared time and experiences keep us together. And caring about each other obv.
Tbh, she doesn't sound terribly supportive. Perhaps you should concentrate your time and energy on other friends, or make new friends, that are more on your wavelength.
I wouldn't 'break up' with her though. Just put a bit of distance between you.
Sounds to me that you are simply brighter than her and maybe you didn't realise it when you were first friends.
I have been through similar experiences. I know it is sad but I would move on, be pleasant to her if you do bump into her but use your time to form new friendships with people who are intellectually on your wavelength and going on the same direction.
It sounds like you have just outgrown her and that you need to move on and make new friends. How long have you been friends?
She sounds like a 15 year old girl, as if her emotional and social development halted when she was at school. It is not acceptable adult behaviour to belittle a friend's concerns and hopes.
You would be better off without her.
Long term friendships really wax and wane with changes in circumstances. I've had some a bit like this - but some have been renewed when one of our lives changed. So perhaps you could let yourselves have some distance wihtout dropping her completely. Jill
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