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Partner ex and me

(60 Posts)
Maxboy Wed 22-Apr-20 07:57:28

Where do I start.. I used to go out with this guy 20 years ago we split and both moved on, we met again roughly around a year ago, relationship started again. So he constantly calls me his exes name and then tries to make out he didn’t by carrying on conversation like it didn’t just happen, second issue- we now live together and I Own my own home he just pays for food, he said he would help me before he moved in, we have discussed the money but apparently it’s fair him just paying for food as it’s my house, so I pay everything mortgage bills, extra bits daily if we need it, the other day he was stuck with his internet banking and he showed my his account he’s been sending his ex money as well every month, they do have a 18yr who earns his own money. I didn’t say anything because I was so shocked the amounts he was sending nearly every day, he’s told me he doesn’t give her anything and wished he could help me more. He still doesn’t know I know but it’s started causing an issue as he will then call me her name again. They have been split up 5 years. The other day he was talking to his son and he said he will sort his mums car out with parts and ring everyone for her, He went and sat In the car and did it secretly; I am now at a point where I feel he’s still emotionally involved regardless what he says is it time to love on and let him be with his ex? It’s making me really uncomfortable

CuriousaboutSamphire Wed 22-Apr-20 08:43:22

If you are uncomfortable with it then open your front door and put him out. You don't owe him anything. He seems to be quite happy to live for almost free with you... you don't have to continue.

He'll have somewhere to go... Let him!

balonzz Wed 22-Apr-20 08:48:19

he's no good - get rid.

Intothefuture Wed 22-Apr-20 08:50:10

He’s living with you but not putting you first. I can’t see what’s in it for you.

Weenurse Wed 22-Apr-20 08:54:38

He lives with you, he pays half.
You have a cock lodger

LovingLola Wed 22-Apr-20 08:56:43

Is he fantastic at sex? Is that why you haven’t told him to leave?

pokemongrief Wed 22-Apr-20 08:58:56

He is not worth the effort. His commitment is still elsewhere.

mummmy2017 Wed 22-Apr-20 09:04:14

Find some houses like yours to rent.
They will come with a list of running cost.
Tell your DP either he fronts up half of all money to run the house, or he can go.
Be strong, your being used.

Maxboy Wed 22-Apr-20 09:15:22

I do feel I am in a triangle and I am at the bottom my nature isn’t confrontational so I know I must address this situation sooner rather than let it carry on. He was my first love and I guess That’s where it should of been left. I have said about the bills he reckons it ok as it is, so I will tell him to go and change the locks he can support her as he’s doing anyway so he should really be living there.

Inconnu Wed 22-Apr-20 09:22:26

It does sound like he is using you OP. He can't expect to live somewhere for free.

GingerScallop Wed 22-Apr-20 09:25:34

A word I learnt on here last week: he is cock lodging. Let him out

CrotchetyQuaver Wed 22-Apr-20 09:26:00

Well it's not working is it?
All you need to say is you don't feel he's committed to your relationship so goodbye and don't slam the door on the way out.
You could bring up the continuously calling you the wrong name and his lack of financial contribution if you want to, but what's the point as he knows he's doing it already.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 22-Apr-20 09:29:19

I have said about the bills he reckons it ok as it is
Well.. for him it is.
Blimey, he's doing alright isn't he?
No rent. No bills.
Please wake up and smell the coffee.
You have yourself a cocklodger there.
Stop letting him take advantage of you.
Stop being a door mat.
Does he do half of all the chores as well?
Cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, tidying, etc...?

Maxboy Wed 22-Apr-20 09:54:18

Nope doesn’t do a thing I mean nothing at all, he has moved 179 miles from home, I suppose I have felt a bit guilty over that, but this is now an issue and I am
Not supporting another man especially one that’s not over his ex and one that obviously still very much in contact and financially still supporting her life style, the final insult came the other day when he asked me to pay half for something and I said I can’t afford it because of my out going and he told me to manage my money better.
That is short was the last insult. Emotionally now he’s on his own and soon as the covid restrictions lift he’s gone, I have even found him somewhere to go incase he throws that one at me grin

Cherrysoup Wed 22-Apr-20 10:01:05

Wtf?! He lives in your house for free and does no chores?What would you say to someone whose DP did this? He is royally taking the piss.

Maxboy Wed 22-Apr-20 10:17:05

I would say wtf you doing are you stupid the blokes a joke get rid

hellsbellsmelons Wed 22-Apr-20 10:18:20

You don't have to wait for the Covid restrictions to be lifted.
He doesn't pay his way.
He doesn't do anything to help.
He is an adult and he can fuck off and find somewhere else.
Stop putting up with this.
Time to woman up.
Big girl pants.
Tell him you will help him pack but he goes by Friday!!!
Please stop allowing yourself to be walked all over.
He gets worse and worse the more you write.
If necessary, have a google at on-line assertiveness courses.
Get him gone - THIS WEEK!!!!!!

Khione Wed 22-Apr-20 10:19:25

You don't need to wait until after lockdown. House moving is allowed - especially with relationship breakdown.

If he wants to stay until after lockdown then he immediately pays for half of all bills, except mortgage - although he should pay rent.

MashedSpud Wed 22-Apr-20 10:21:46

He’s seriously taking the piss.

Windyatthebeach Wed 22-Apr-20 10:27:34

Sorry this ain't working for me mate.. You need to pack ya stuff and fuck off..
Should cover it.
You owe him absolutely nothing.
He owes you ££££ I imagine.

Maxboy Wed 22-Apr-20 11:00:01

Your all right the blokes a piss taker and I need to man the fuck up and drop him off and hers off he goes no one cares!

Intothefuture Wed 22-Apr-20 11:08:49

Don’t wait till the lockdown is over. You’ll have to wait on him and pay for him until then and you don’t know how long that will be. He can go today can’t he!

Lynda07 Wed 22-Apr-20 11:10:15

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BackseatCookers Wed 22-Apr-20 11:15:00


No punctuation, Maxboy?

Is that really necessary, Lynda?

mummmy2017 Wed 22-Apr-20 11:20:12

No one cares about the Gramma Police.
I think you already knew he was using you.
Mumsnet is great at having your back when you chuck a user out.
The users have no idea that you have support, so think you will just roll over

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