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Why does she do it?

(10 Posts)
talie101 Fri 14-Sep-07 17:14:51

My sister keeps going after the men that I have dated or potential dates etc..

The first guy I dated I decided I didn't like him but would stay just friends....I later found out the following weekend she went out on a date with him. It wasn't the fact that she went on a date with him but the fact that both her and him kept it a total secret from me...he was even still phoning me telling me how much he still wanted to date me during his weekend with her! I was telling him how happy I was that he'd managed to find another girl to date and that I hope it all worked out for him...little did I know it was my sister!

We fell out for a short while over this incident as I didn't like her going behind my back. When we made up, she apologised and said she wouldn't go behind my back again etc.

The second guy I was chatting to on the internet and had arranged a date with...she is on the same dating site so I told her that I was talking to him, liked him and that I was going on a date with him. She then proceeded (behind my back) to contact him and set up her own date with him. I confronted her about her strange behaviour around me when her mobile rang or a text came in!....she confessed, got shitty with me and said he was all mine!...but kept in contact with him. I pulled out of my date with him. Told him I wouldn't go there!

I had words with her and again she agreed not to go for the same men at the same time.

I have now just found out that she is contacting another guy that was interested in taking me out....we were all at a concert...she went to the toilet, closely followed by him which I thought was funny but didn't think anything more. I found out they are now in contact because his name was also on an email she sent to me! He can only have given it to her at the concert.

I haven't confronted her about this one... just told him I wouldn't be keeping in touch with him.

Why does she do this....ok I know these men are not exactly mine as it's early days and I understand that they may prefer her to me and that is fine by me....but ffs why doesn't she stay well clear for a while? I wouldn't dream of moving in on her men! The shit would hit the fan if I tried!

Do I just not tell her anything any more? I don't trust her at all. It's difficult not to chat as sisters normally would though as I go out with her quite often....but I can't be doing with every potential date being taken off me all the time! I suppose they aren't the men that I really want to be with if they can just go off in the first place but that's besides the point. I tend to back down and walk away....she's full on and very flirty.

Any advice most welcome on how to deal with the situation.

bluejelly Fri 14-Sep-07 17:29:17

OMG that's outrageous! She should so steer clear
God how tricky

Spandex Fri 14-Sep-07 19:51:09

Is this for real? She's single white female! Just don't tell her anything. Hope she doesn't go after your future dh!

sleepfinder Fri 14-Sep-07 20:37:27

its certainly odd behavior

is she older / younger? - has she always tried to emulate you?

she's not your TWIN is she, having an identity crisis? (I'm not joking)

Pages Sat 15-Sep-07 08:39:25

Not quite sure how I would deal with it but it seems qute clear that she envies you and wants what you have. I am tempted to say that you should take it as a compliment that she wants to be like you, although it probably is immensely upsetting and irritating.

fawkeoff Sat 15-Sep-07 08:46:51

don't tell her anything about future dates anymore, i think she is behaving very juvenile and she needs to grow up.has she always been like this?????

fawkeoff Sat 15-Sep-07 08:47:49

can i just add these men don't sound so great either so she mayhave done you a blind favour

totaleclipse Sat 15-Sep-07 09:13:08

Tell her you want to date the fat greasy looking guy who works in the chippy.

kindersurprise Sat 15-Sep-07 09:15:07

It appears to me that she is very insecure and perhaps jealous of you. A very nasty thing to do to anyone, never mind your own sister.

I wouldn't tell her about a new man. It is a shame to keep secrets from your sister, but she doesn't deserve to be in your confidences.

StarryStarryNight Sat 15-Sep-07 09:21:12

How strange!
In a very twisted sense it is a little flattering, she seems to have very bad judgement in doing this, and a total faith in YOUR judgement, as she is thinking, well, if my sister wants this man, he is probably a catch. Which obviously he isnt...

I would stop telling her things, and concentrate on my other friends. Join another dating site without telling her.

When she questions this, you may tell her why, and she will realize that her actions have serious consequences, as now, nothing changes so it doesnt really matter that she does this to you.

How do you think that would work?

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