Do many women have good, enjoyable sex lives after menopause?

[AnotherDayAnotherQuestion]

I'm in my early 40s, happily married for 20 years, and have always had a relatively high sex drive which is well matched to DH's. However, I've recently had some times when I can happily go quite a bit longer without sex, and I keep reading things which make me nervous about the future. Is this definitely going to change dramatically soon, during peri-menopause and menopause? I supposed I'm just wondering whether any older women have encouraging experiences to share, as I keep reading about how you have to redefine your relationship, etc.. I'm not asking for details and am not a troll/pervert - I've been on here yonks, but am serial NCer.
Thank you!

[Sosadandempty]

Bumping as I would really like to know as well. In my case I am middle aged and divorced and really wonder if there is any point in hoping I meet someone else as it feels so hopeless .

[Mum4Fergus]

I had to undergo a radical hysterectomy iin Jan 2018 (I was 49). It would be fair to say sex life undertook an almost immediate decline...and shows no sign of improving I'm afraid. I live DH dearly (we only married 6 months after my surgery) but the need or want us just not there on my part. Right up until then we had sex 3-4 times a week.

[Ibizafun]

Early 50’s here.. everyone different but as said above, the need/want just isn’t there anyone. If I never had it again I’d be just fine..

[thepeopleversuswork]

I'm perimenopausal so not past the rubicon yet but I don't think is one size fits all. My sex drive has never been higher (the fact that we're in lockdown isn't helping), although I recognise that could change. I know anecdotally of several women who have continued to have an active sex life and some who can take it or leave it.

[granadagirl]

Post memo here

With me, no desire. Like it was switched off
didnt want to mess about with hrt trying to get hormones levels correct as that is just prolonging symptoms till if/when you manage to get them ok

I’d say, read as much as you can about it, as there’s symptoms you never that was connected to menopause

I’d say everyone is different, different symptoms
I would say desire is much less, as hormones are well depleted
VA seems as massive problem for a lot of women. Anxiety and depression which I never knew.

Menopause matters is an excellent site
Very informative and a great wealth of personal experiences

[DangerCat01]

HRT is amazing. I don’t know why all women don’t take it, the risks are minuscule. Totally saved my libido amongst other things.

[RTP9]

Have to remember that it drops for a lot of men too.

[Jaguarana]

I'm postmenopausal and my sex drive has vanished, partly due to vaginal atrophy which makes things uncomfortable even with treatment.

[hopsalong]

Would like to know the answer to this too! I have heard enough older women talk enthusiastically about post-menopausal sex to believe it's possible. But I also don't quite see how. In my early 40s now and 90% of my interest in sex is restricted to a few days around ovulation -- rest of month could more or less take it or leave it. I sort of assume this is to do with declining fertility, and as it declines further I fear all sex drive will disappear. Or maybe that isn't a fear and would simply be a relief??

[Sparklingplasters]

Peri menopausal and rampant here. Masterbating several times a day. Just goes to show how different we all are.

[Musicaltheatremum]

I'm 57. It's all wonderful. I'm in an 18 month relationship. Coming off citalopram (antidepressant) really boosted my sex drive. That was before I met my partner. Am on hrt too but that didn't have the same effect as coming off citalopram.

[justanotherneighinparadise]

Honestly for me my libido dipped when I was no longer able to conceive children. I just didn’t see the point anymore. So even though I still enjoy sex and use bio identical HRT. I rarely have sex more than once or twice a month.

[LikeATipple]

Postmenopausal here and have high sex drive and enjoyable sex, everyone's different.

[RandomMess]

My 3 older friends have all said that is like a switch going off and they make have to make the effort these days...

[FlowerArranger]

Sex drive definitely reduced during the change....... but randy as a teenager after it was all done...

[Oblahdeeoblahdoe]

I'm in the 'use it or lose it' camp. If you want to continue to have an active sex life then focus on that whether you fancy it or not at the time. I really wish I had as well as trying HRT. It's very hard to recapture what my DH and I once had.

[ClareVH]

Is it OK to go on HRT just to boost libido?

[Knittingnanny]

Off sex for a while (55) but then the drive returned. 63 and still enjoy it just not nearly so often, didn’t have hrt.
Yes dryness is a problem( sandpaper sex!) but mine was solved by capsules inserted weekly

[Knittingnanny]

Should add that the desire does often reduce for men as well. We were fortunate in that we are pretty well matched

[Mamagin]

I'm 65, married for 36 years (God! ) and all fine and dandy here. Not at it like rabbits, but when the urge strikes everything still works! Once or twice a week...

[PinkMonkeyBird]

I'm through the menopause and sex drive is actually better than ever before. I've always had issues with sex before due to abuse in my childhood, depression in my 20s and 30s. My ex used to compare me to pornstars so I had issues with that and felt objectified.

With my man now, I feel a lot more comfortable and confident, sexually. I did have early menopause so I'm glad I'm through it all now.

[TheStuffedPenguin]

Some depressing stories here - I am post menopause and on HRT . I have a better sex life now than I ever had - mind you I was married to an emotionless twat . Since splitting from him I had an amazing sexual relationship with a man for over a year and am now happily married again . We have sex regularly . There is no need to accept "this is it for the rest of my life" . Yes I am sure the HRT helps and a new partner definitely does .If you're dry get some lube .

[thepeopleversuswork]

Reading some of these comments and prepared to be shot down but I can't help wondering if some of this is psychological.

I'd be prepared to bet that in a lot of the scenarios where libido drops off at or around menopause its connected with exhaustion from looking after children, frustration with lack of domestic support/acknowledgement, boredom with male partners. I would add that in a lot of cases the decline in libido in women is characterised only as a decline as measured by the amount of sex that their male partners want. Would be curious to know if anyone has done similar studies into what happens to libido at menopause in women in relationships with other women...

Also can't help noticing the poster justanotherneighinparadise who said her libido died after she was no longer able to conceive children. I couldn't feel more differently to this. I love the fact that sex is decoupled from the risk of conceiving children. Allows me to feel so much more selfish and self-indulgent.

The menopause is so poorly understood and presumably there's been less clinical research done into the biology and psychology of it (because inevitably less investment goes into medicine that only affects women). I wonder if long-term studies which took some of these factors into account could shed some more light into this.

Not holding my breath...

[TigerDater]

I’m 57 and post-menopause, divorced at 53 after 8 years without sex (though did regularly masturbate - use it or lose it). I went on Tinder at 55 and slept with six different men in two years, each one was fantastic. I’ve now been with my ‘bf’ for 14 months though separated by lockdown. When we’re together we are literally at it like rabbits, I honestly never expected to be rampant again. I think they call it the SilverSurge. Bloody marvellous. Embrace your individuality on this one, I’m sure everyone is different but it’s by no means a foregone conclusion that sexual desire goes out of the window. And you can’t get pregnant, yay!!

[fuckoffImcounting]

Postmeno here. I used to be randy as anything, could fuck any old time and always orgasm. Desire just dropped like a stone, not much interest at all. Dry old vag does not help and I am allergic to the lube stuff. I can get going but it takes a lot of mental effort and does not happen that often.