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time to 'talk' to my husband

(7 Posts)
ScatteredMama82 Wed 08-Apr-20 11:26:02

My DH is a fantastic man, I love him and I still fancy him,

BUT I 'm struggling with sex. I've done a lot of soul searching and I think there are 2 aspects to it. One is I'm too busy, I can't switch off and by the time we go to bed I'm so tired I just want to read a few pages of my book and go to sleep.

The other is, I have issues from my past. I've been burying them and I don't think I can any more. DH knows, but I don't think he realises how much they affect me and that's my own fault for not addressing them sooner. I've been in a number of situations where I've been taken advantage of. Touched inappropriately, treated roughly and on one occasion raped. As a result, I need his help to work through this. I know he will want to help me, and he'll be horrified to find out how I've been feeling for so long.

I just can't carry on pretending I'm find any more. I guess I'm putting this here in the hope that you will encourage me to go through with it. I've got to this point before then chickened out. I NEED to do this. He's had to go overnight to work but he's home later and I want to talk to him tonight when the kids are in bed.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Apr-20 11:36:59

Please do reach out to him OP.
You need some love and help and support and he sounds like he can give you that.
Please give him the opportunity to help you.
Have you had some counselling?
You could also reach out to Rape Crisis and get some online therapy.
Stop burying this.
Tackle it head on with your DH and some professionals.
I can't imagine what it must be like OP.
I'm sorry you've been through such hard times.
Time to face it.

ScatteredMama82 Wed 08-Apr-20 11:42:13

Thank you @hellsbellsmelons. I guess I feel like a bit of a fraud as I put myself in those situations, it's through my own actions that those things happened to me. I'm actually beginning to look forward to getting it off my chest.

I've never had counselling, that might be something I'll consider once I've spoken to DH.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Apr-20 12:12:05

it's through my own actions that those things happened to me
No it is not OP!
This is very backward thinking on this subject.
Did you ask someone to rape you?
No you did not.
You were taken advantage of and abused and that is down to the abuser noT you, the victim.
You are doing yourself and many other victims a big disservice with this thinking OP.
It's not right.
Reach out to Rape Crisis as soon as you can.
NONE OF THIS WAS YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!

Modestandatinybitsexy Wed 08-Apr-20 12:31:30

Can you send him a message on the way home to brief him on what you want to talk about to help him prepare and to stop you from chickening out?

You do need help with this, I hope your husband can be the rock you need but he's also very close emotionally and I would advise you to seek advice from a third party.

It was not your fault then. It's not your fault you feel like this now. Well done for seeking the help you need. Good luck thanks

NoMoreDickheads Wed 08-Apr-20 16:24:52

he'll be horrified to find out how I've been feeling for so long

What does he do that you don't like? Is it's possible that what he does is suboptimal and a bit pushy or anything?

Thank you @hellsbellsmelons. I guess I feel like a bit of a fraud as I put myself in those situations, it's through my own actions that those things happened to me

@ScatteredMama82 No. Wherever you were and whatever you did, men didn't have to take advantage of you, rape you etc. It was nothing you did. xxxxx

MargieMo Thu 09-Apr-20 18:24:11

Whatever happened, NONE of it was your fault. I would strongly recommend to contact RC anyway, for sure please do that.

Also, you might find it helpful to write something down, and let your partner read it in advance. In that way you are both prepared. That is what I did

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