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Parents want to go away for Christmas, and they want all the family with them, which includes my ex!

(237 Posts)
Pinkchampagne Wed 12-Sep-07 16:07:21

They want to go abroad because staying at home will be too upsetting without Nan, which I can totally understand as Christmas Eve has always been Nan's day, for as long as I can remember, and we will all be feeling very sad without her this year.
They feel that it would be more bearable if we all go away for Christmas, and they have talked to my ex husband about possibly going to Florida. (he told me about this when he phoned to speak to boys on Mon night)
They haven't said anything to me yet, but they apparantly want all the family there, and dad is going to call one of his family meetings about this!hmm

I feel it would be good to get away this year, and Christmas is a time where you should be with your family, so I should make the effort, but I just don't know if I could grit my teeth and get through it.

I wouldn't want the boys away from their dad at Christmas time either, and he would obviously want to see them, so can kind of understand him being included in a way, but it would feel wrong to go away with him & could give him & my family false hope.

What do I do about this one?

duke748 Wed 12-Sep-07 16:12:03

I think its good that your family are putting your kids' needs first. Too many families don't do that. I can see how it would be akward though.

Also a bit strange that your ex knows about it before you!

I think you simply need to say something to your ex like 'shall we make sure we get hotel rooms near to each other so that the kids don't have to traipse too far down the corridor to see each of us'?

That makes it clear that this is about the kids and that you will be sleeping in seperate rooms!Let us know how you get on.

Kewcumber Wed 12-Sep-07 16:13:21

I would suggest he could stay somewehre close to you but not in the same hotel/house.

How do you feel about it?

ELR Wed 12-Sep-07 16:15:28

i agree with duke but be warned holidays make you do funny things so make sure you are sur of yourself before you go, but you would proberbly have a great time

Pinkchampagne Wed 12-Sep-07 16:21:55

It has all done my head in a bit tbh.
We have only been properly apart for 4 months, and my parents were very anti the split.

I wouldn't want to be here alone while all of my family, including my sister (who is very up for it) are away, and it will be so sad without Nan at Christmas time. At the same time, I wouldn't want to go away, taking boys away from there dad, and the only other option is to go along with their plan, which includes my ex.
None of the options are ideal, but if I did go along, I would make sure he stayed in a separate hotel room or whatever.
It is all a bit of a headache!

Pinkchampagne Wed 12-Sep-07 16:38:24

I am worried it will give my parents and my ex false hope if we are all away together, and it would feel very odd.

mytwopenceworth Wed 12-Sep-07 16:39:14

Wasn't it you with the mother giving the ex a key?

Pinkchampagne Wed 12-Sep-07 16:40:08

Yes, that was me!

mytwopenceworth Wed 12-Sep-07 16:41:54

They just aren't giving up, are they?

Take me along. I'll be your 'friend' while you're away.

That'll send a message.

Plus I could do with a holiday.


Seriously though, are they EVER going to give in?

MascaraOHara Wed 12-Sep-07 16:46:22

I knew this would be you lol (sorry)

At one of his meetings could you just stand up and announce their madness?

Your posts have started reminding me of "Roman's Empire" that was on bbc2 a whwile back.

I hate to laugh but honestly I don't know how you keep your temper.

fireflyfairy2 Wed 12-Sep-07 16:50:43

I would go mad!

I think you have done well so far keeping so calm.

Tell your parents that no matter what they do you don't want back with your ex!

I'd also tell them you need their support, not pressure to stay with a man you don't love.

ProjectIcarusinhercar Wed 12-Sep-07 16:51:50

I knew this would be you.

<off to read the post now>

ProjectIcarusinhercar Wed 12-Sep-07 16:53:17

I think it is another example of them not accepting the split tbh and trying to convince you to get back together.

I wouldn't go. How about you host a new gathering on Christmas Eve in your new home....?

Pinkchampagne Wed 12-Sep-07 16:59:07

Lol @ me standing up to announce their madness during the family meeting! I can just imagine dad's face!!

This is a tricky one because of the situation with my nan recently passing away, and I can understand them wanting to get right away for a bit of distraction, but all of us together as a family including my ex husband is a bit much, isn't it?

Pinkchampagne Wed 12-Sep-07 17:00:38

It could give them false hope, while confusing the boys, and doing my head in badly.
Bad idea all round really

ProjectIcarusinhercar Wed 12-Sep-07 17:01:17

I think it would be confusing for the boys for the first holiday after the split to include your ex.

ProjectIcarusinhercar Wed 12-Sep-07 17:02:03

Splendid x posts.

Pinkchampagne Wed 12-Sep-07 17:04:43

We were thinking the same thoughts!

bigknickersbigknockers Wed 12-Sep-07 17:06:26

I knew this was you pink champagne, its madness on their part to think it could ever work and not to mention the effect it would have on your boys.

BeetrootBevan Wed 12-Sep-07 17:07:35

I would not go.
I think your fmailoy are manipulating you AGAIN
U think you need ot stand up to them and say NO thank you. It is not appropriate.

Then organise a lovely Christmas for youa nd the boys -
They can see their father christmas eve until 12 christmas day or 12 christmas day until boxing day

You make sure you have something organised

They really are unreal

Freckle Wed 12-Sep-07 17:12:04

Oh my. I won my bet with myself when I clicked on this thread because I just knew it would be about your mad parents wink.

They are really doing their best to scupper any chance you have of making a new life for yourself, aren't they?

I think this is something you will have to discuss with ex-h. Find out what his views are re seeing the children over Christmas.

At the end of the day, you could always do Christmas here by yourself with ex-h just popping in for pressie opening or something and then him having the boys for Boxing Day.

I know the issue of your nan is what is prompting this, but your parents shouldn't be using it as a tool to force you to spend time with a man whom you have chosen to remove from your life (apart from his involvement with the boys).

bigknickersbigknockers Wed 12-Sep-07 17:15:16

well said freckle. they are using this sad situation to manipulate you.

hazygirl Wed 12-Sep-07 17:25:39

think carefull pcx

tribpot Wed 12-Sep-07 17:27:35

Ahhhhhh the madness of PC's family. Yet another one who just knew this had to be your parents. They will stop at nothing, I think possibly without conscious intent (although hmm given their history) they are using your nan's death to blackmail you into agreeing to this.

And they've mentioned this to him but not to you? WTF? Because presumably they don't need to because in their world, you're still together.

If you really have to go through with this, couldn't you go somewhere nearer than Florida, so it would be for a shorter period of time? What if your ex-H has gone public with his new 'girlfriend' by then? (I don't think currently that liaison has a status with an official name but who knows what might have happened by Christmas).

I know you don't want your parents to know about your own dating adventures but I would be so tempted to say "oh well but ex-H may be involved with someone else by then, it wouldn't really be fair at this stage to assume he will be unattached ... ". All said very reasonably and with a straight face.

Christmas Eve is going to be a hard day wherever you are. Having to endure a fortnight in the company of your ex is going to make things much worse. Why not suggest as an alternative they arrange a big family meal out on Christmas Eve (at home) so you have something to take your mind off the day without having to spend a prolonged period with the ex?

Pinkchampagne Wed 12-Sep-07 18:01:39

Thank you all for your advice on my latest headache.
I know you must all be thinking "Why on earth is she even giving this any thought?"
It is the issue with nan that is causing me to get myself all confused on this one though, as I know it will be hard without her, and I know that mum will find it especially tough, so don't want to upset the family.

They haven't come to me directly about this yet, but they have discussed it with ex H, who has then informed me of their plans. My sister has also been informed, and seems keen, but I think it could be a recipe for disaster, and am not at all comfortable with it.

They have tried to get us together on holiday before now, first with the bribe of a holiday paid by dad if we stay together, and then the offer of £1000 last Christmas, towards a holiday together! Neither of these plans worked for them, and this one has only caused me the headache because of the circumstances.

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