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Failing relationship

(9 Posts)
bubbleandsqueak Tue 11-Sep-07 18:37:10

I am considering leaving my husband as I can no longer deal with being a single parent without support in a foreign land. We moved to France for the health of my son who has asthma, we were supposed to give up life in the UK and turn our attentions to finding work and living the dream. Un-expectedly my Husband continued to work in the UK joining the commuting crowd every other week. I have never been happy being here on my own for the week whilst he works in the UK but things are now getting worse. His wook load now demands that he spends the majority of his time away from home leaving me as a single parent to 2 children. My son continues to have his illness and we often stay in hospital and I am very often on my own when attacks occur, its a very stressful experience. However its my relationship with my husband that is really bothering me. He comes home most weekends so tired that he has to sleep for the weekend, thereby not contributing a lot to family life. He is so busy at work that he forgets to phone home or he's just to tired. I now feel that the advancement of his career is just to high a price to pay for my happiness. I often feel isolated and alone and really want to move back to the UK but as yet hav'nt been able to sell our house. Right now I just want to get on a plane and come home. My question is am I over reacting, or am I really being taken for a door mat?

toadstool Tue 11-Sep-07 18:51:24

If you think your son's health will be OK enough in the UK and you want to work on the marriage, I'd say moving back sounds like the best option. Perhaps renting out the house will fund somewhere in the UK. Would you have good support back home, perhaps if you manage to live somewhere a shortish distance from where your DH is working and living, so you can have proper discussions with him?
FWIW, my mum moved back from France with the 2 of us when her marriage failed; it was very difficult as she'd set her heart on living there, but it turned out to be for the best, for her as well as for us (children are very, very flexible if their [parents' lives are less stressful thanks to a move). HTH

Pages Tue 11-Sep-07 18:59:10

I don't think you are overreacting and can totally understand how stressful your life must be. I have 2 DS's and one has SN and I can't manage on my own with them both for very long without tearing my hair out - different situation to yours but, still, when one child has extra needs it is hard.

But isn't there some arrangement you and your DH can make to solve the problem? Have you talked about it? It sounds like he is pretty stressed and exhausted too, even if his life is very different to yours. Maybe a move back to the UK is the right thing, you will be living with your DH again and have family and friends around for support. Maybe your DH won't need to work so hard if he is not going back and forth between two homes?

If you leave your DH you will be a full-time, permanent single parent. How is it going to be easier? Do you still love him? It sounds like the stress of your situation is overwhelming and that you need more help but I can't see how leaving your husband is going to solve that?

HappyWoman Tue 11-Sep-07 19:01:28

I think you should move back - i think it is something a lot of people dream of doing - moving away from it all to a foriegn country only to find that the problems 'follow' them.

We did something similar a few years ago - moved to the middle of nowhere in the country - seemed like the perfect life for everyone. Then i realised that it wasnt really for me after all - i hated it i am not a country girl at heart really, i need the hustle and bustle of life around me.

We lost money on our house and had to downsize which was hard at first but worth it in the end. You both need to support each other. A short spell of overworking is ok but this sounds as if it has not gone to plan.

Good luck with what you decide.

bubbleandsqueak Tue 11-Sep-07 19:34:17

Yes, I do think you are all right, i should move back, however I need to sell my house to be able to buy back in the UK. its been on the market for 6 months and as yet no offers, and as the economy is having a blip it doesn't look like there's going to be that many people interested in buying abroad. I am rather stuck in a hole as I now long to be back home but can't afford to leave here with out selling. DH's complete lack of interest or direction is not helping, should I just settle down and wait for the sale, or up and leave it all as the stress is almost to much to bear.

shreddies Tue 11-Sep-07 19:38:09

You sound as if you really have had enough. Do you think you are in danger of sinking into depression if you stay? Can you afford to let the house and come back?

bubbleandsqueak Tue 11-Sep-07 19:52:43

Yes, I think you've hit the nail on the head, depression is not far offI'm managing to keep it at bay, but just!! Maybe I should do as happywomen suggested and just downsize, I have to say that I am also over whelmed but the thought of moving, finding a place to live, new schools for the kids etc. I can't see anything positive in staying or going!!

shreddies Tue 11-Sep-07 21:23:01

You poor thing. Have you got anyone you can talk to about it in RL? Or who could give you some practical support in coming back if that is what you think is best?

bubbleandsqueak Wed 12-Sep-07 07:22:38

Thanks for listening, its given my some new ideas on dealing with my problems. Good luck to all of you.

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