Is my mum right or is he right?

[BlueDino]

We're going to Ibiza next week.
"We" are me, my two kids and my DP (not their father).

We have both paid half each on the cost of the actual holiday. We have both bought an equal ammount of euros as spending money.

However, I also had to buy 3 passports, new suitcases and new clothes for 3 people. DP had his suitcase bought for by his mother and she also bought him new clothes to go away with. So, in a way he has had it alot easier as far as preperations go.

Anyway, I am so short of money now, I have £70 left in my bank which is lower than it has ever been. Im stressing like mad. I had to buy my son a new karate kit last week and his stuff came upto £40...this is seperate from the holiday issue however.

DP has spent the last month looking at expensive cars, eying up quite a few and going on about them to me, he's intending to buy one as soon as we get back. He's also been buying himself numerous xbox games and also bought himself some £40 headphones for his ipod as well as some new trainers. I know what he spends his money on is his business (we dont live together) but I cant help feeling a bit bitter towards him, he gets everything bought for him, doesnt have to pay any bills or anything and sits back buying toys waiting for the holiday whilst I'm stressing like mad over money and everything else.

Anyway, he has recently booked a hire car for when we're in ibiza. Paid for it himself. He also needs to book a hire car to get us to manchester airport and he has now asked for petrol money from me for this trip.

My mum says he is taking the piss and being selfish, I'm annoyed at him too but is it justified when he has paid for both hire cars?

[NAB3]

He can spend his money how he wants. You aren't living together as a family so I don't think you should expect him to pay for your children. Would be nice if he offered though.
BTW Do you want a relationship with a Mummy's boy?

[BlueDino]

I don't expect him to pay for the children but I thought asking for petrol money when he knows how skint I am was a bit petty...?

The mummy's boy thing is a whole other thread!

[RubySlippers]

it sounds like you are in very different financial and family circumstances
what do you mean when you say he doesn't have to pay bills?

[RubySlippers]

but does he know how skint you are?
have you told him how much you have spent?

[NAB3]

Depends what kind of relationship he has with you. Does he want to be part of your family and a father figure or does he want sex and a holiday but not much responsibilty?

[BlueDino]

He lives with his mum so doesn't pay rent, council tax, utilities or anything...doesn't even pay for the food he eats. His wages litrally all go on toys.

He knows how skint I am, I told him and he just laughed and said "its not my fault you have kids and I dont".

[RubySlippers]

at his last comment

[RubySlippers]

that is a horrible thing to say
mean with money means he is mean with everything else - his emotions and feelings certainly judging by his last comment

[jellybelly25]

Do you think if he knew how broke you were he would still ask for petrol money? He might not have a clue. If he does and still expects it then that is a bit tight.

Unless he is alo broke as a result of spending?

[McDreamy]

Hmmm not sure he's the one for you. Agree his money is his business esp if he is not living with you but I would be unable to forgive a comment like that!!! Have you thought what he might be like on holiday?

[jellybelly25]

sorry just read it properly, scrap that he's being a total knob

[hertsnessex]

hes asking for petrol oney, what a tw*t.

as far as you being short, i think thats your problem, would be nice if he offered to help, but ultikmatley it sounds as though he is not going to.

as for his mum buying him clothes..........hahahahahahaha

cx

[bluejelly]

How old is he?

[Mumpbump]

Dh and I have separate finances as he has children from his previous money. When dh and I go on holiday, we split everything 50/50, including petrol. A little anal perhaps, but it's just simpler like that to my mind. Perhaps you could suggest that he keeps track of how much it comes to and you'll give him the cash when you aren't so financially strapped?

[Squirrel3]

BlueDino, you say you have both bought an equal ammount of euros as spending money, is it all going into one 'kitty' so to speak, if so who is going to 'hold' the purse strings?

I ask this because when I went on my first holiday with my dp and his kids we both put money in and dp 'held' the purse strings and I had to ask for anything I wanted, which after being single for many years and buying what ever I wanted (within reason) it grated I can tell you.

Are you going to have to ask dp if your kids want an ice-cream etc? Is he going to be happy to keep handing money over for things like that, are you going to be happy to keep on asking? we all know what kids are like on holiday asking for money for the assumements etc. If dp has no kids of his own is he going to understand that?

[Blu]

This is really hard - he is your boyfriend, not living with you and the kids as a family, and you'r trying to fit two sets of circumstances together. Has he paid half of the hol including the costs of the children? if so, I think that is quite generous of him, even given your different financial circumstances. I understand that you feel envious, resentful even, about your different circumstances, and it does seem petty to ask for petrol.

A hire car sounds a v expensive way of getting to the airport!

There is a lot unresolved...I think you need to talk to him calmly about your different expectations and perspectives on your responsibility. It wasn't nice, the way he talked of the fact that you have children, but otoh, if he isn't living with you as thier step dad, what responsibility should he have for financing the children??

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

BlueDino

Have you posted before under a different name about him?.

I only ask this as the circumstances seem remarkably similar and she was also going on holiday. She also has two children, both boys. Her partner (I refuse to call him DP because he is patently not) was also not their natural father, lived at home with his parents, was and still is an immature manchild. These men seem to come out of the same bloody box and patiently search out women with low self worth to care for them.

You should listen to your Mum and get rid of him. And I don't say that lightly either.

How can you stand someone saying to you, "its not my fault you have kids and I don't". How did you feel when he said that?. Are you prepared to put him before your children, I bloody well hope not. Sounds like he just wants you so he can have sex. In other areas you're just carrying on where his Mummy's left off - these men just want another mother figure to look after them and with sex on tap too. Viz calls these men "cocklodgers".

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

And what's he going to do on holiday?. Sit by the pool drinking beer and moaning about your children having fun no doubt.

[NAB3]

HE IS AN IDIOT.
I TAKE IT he knew you had kids when you started dating?
Great example to your children.

[warthog]

lifesteeth? that you? you still haven't broken up, and you're still going on this holiday?

[mummytheresa]

I'm with Blu on this.
Is he a 'Partner - DP'
or a 'Boyfriend - BF'
It looks like you are coming up to the point where this needs to be decided.

[whiskeyandbeer]

"I don't expect him to pay for the children but I thought asking for petrol money when he knows how skint I am was a bit petty...? "

and he could equally say that you expevting to get the benefit of his rented cars without paying a dime is you being tight.

[CitizenCarmenere]

Lifeteeth what exactly do you want mners to say to you?
Because you have completely ignored all the advice you have received on here for the last year.

[geekymummy]

"He knows how skint I am, I told him and he just laughed and said "its not my fault you have kids and I dont". "

Pathetic, completely lacking empathy. I think it's time you cut your losses and end the relationship.