Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Boyfriend moved in due to lockdown(10 Posts)
Boyfriend of 2 years moved in yesterday so he can work at home due to lockdown. I was so excited and happy as he works away in the week and we only see each other at weekends,
Not gone so well so far. I left him to his own devices today as I know that he had to work. This evening I was expecting some company but he was asleep at 7pm and even missed the 8 pm clapping for the nhs.
I know he does get tired as at weekends he will often fall asleep in the evening. However, I feel so lonely in the evenings and now that looks like the case whether he is here or not.
Sound really obvious but have you spoken to him about what you expected?
Maybe come up with a plan of action for your evenings, I assume you're furloughed if you left him to his own devices to work (feel free to correct me if that's wrong)
If you're making dinner for you both, encourage him to sit in the kitchen and chat to you while you're cooking, or cook dinner together.
Agree on a movie to watch tomorrow evening after work, you can curl up on the sofa and put a movie on, doesn't matter too much if one or both of you fall asleep.
Suggest your 1 trip out for exercise be during lunch break and go for a walk (if you can)
Spend lunch enjoying the sunshine in the garden.
I think you just need to suggest things to do together, he'll get the hint quite quickly
Gee OP, not a good enough reason for him to move in....
Sounds like it could be a convenience thing...not good.
Think about what YOU want.
Thinkg about what suits YOU.
Be very careful of being a convenience stop.
Him sleeping a lot would be a deal breaker for me.
Is he good company at all? Ever?
Do NOT be a convenience.
It's a difficult one... would he have moved in anyway? was this move planned.. or part of self isolation ?
If the guy needs to work then he needs to work... you knew his job was demanding because you said he slept alot at weekends... you know self isolation is not a holiday right ?
I think you need to either ask him to move back to his own place... or accept that he needs to work.. and cherish your weekends together..
Sorry OP... I'm not much help..
Does he have a reason to be SO tired? Like sleep apnea? Or does he stay up too late after his evening nap?
Maybe he was up really late last night packing his stuff so he could move in today. It's only been one night so I don't think you know if this is a normal pattern for him.
I think expecting him to have exactly the same schedule and priorities as you do, particularly without talking about it, is unrealistic. One of the best things about living alone is that you can do what the fuck you want whenever you want to do it, and if you’ve not had a calm and reasonable conversation about how to diverge your lifestyles then I think your expectations are unreasonable.
We did the same thing - we live in separate homes by choice even though we’ve been together years - but decided I’d move into his from early March onwards. It’s a one bedroom flat and we’ve realised we’re actually really good at simply existing in the same room, doing separate things.
But, as we speak, I am sitting on the sofa in the living room and boyfriend is sleeping. We have somewhat different sleep-wake schedules, apparently, which we weren’t wholly aware of before. In the days and weeks to come, we’ll sort it out. I certainly wouldn’t expect him to be awake and ecstatic to greet me if I get in from work at midnight; and likewise he has tried to wake me super early (4/5am) for sex on a couple of occasions and it just hasn’t happened because turns out I sleep like the fucking dead when I’m bone tired. (And I am usually totally up for being woken for sleepy sex.)
Communicate. It really sounds like you need to. Moving in together is hard, and you just sound like you each need to adapt.
Lots to think about. We had talked about moving in together but we were in no rush. Both have been married before and have older kids so didn’t want to rush into it. I am concerned after my first marriage not to make a second escape. I think , I need to see what happens over the next week or so. This Lockdown will be a big tester to see if it lasts especially as I am off work too. I think ,I have finally realised that I am happy on my own with my two boys aged 18 and 14.
I am sure there a lot of other couples in the same situation.
Oh god, I wouldn't live with someone unless he made me so much happier than living without him. Are you sure you want him hanging around for weeks on end? Do your kids want that, too?
It doesn’t sound like a great reason for moving in together, to be honest, but maybe it’s instructive to see if this is actually something that will work longterm? Yes, maybe he is exhausted tonight, but you say he also falls asleep this early at weekends — assuming he’s in good health and has an ordinary sedentary job, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone that low-energy.
I have a friend who lies dozing wrapped in a slanket on the sofa after dinner and has to be woken regularly to say goodnight to his ten and twelve year olds. Perhaps not surprisingly, he’s getting a divorce, and despite being an attractive, solvent professional in his early 50s, I doubt he’ll ever be in a relationship again — waaay too much work and leaving the sofa in the evenings.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Get started »
Please login first.