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Does your partner’s affair partner resemble you in any way?

(29 Posts)
TysonFurry Thu 26-Mar-20 17:00:33

I’ve just read the thread asking whether men regret their midlife crises. I’m struggling through the aftermath of discovering my own dh’s affair (and have had lots of sensible and helpful and supportive advice from mn) so all affair-related issues are close to the surface for me now.

Which got me wondering if there was anything about your partner’s choice that resembled you or did they go for something completely different?

In my case, ow is older than me, has more children, and is very different in terms of appearance (apart from us both having long dark hair). But I think she’s probably a similar personality type to me and in another life I think we could have been friends sad.

ravenmum Thu 26-Mar-20 17:04:45

She looked very similar to his mother.
I don't.

TysonFurry Thu 26-Mar-20 17:30:29

Ooof ravenmum, double blow!

Notthewife Thu 26-Mar-20 17:34:37

I think we look quite different. Apart from both being blonde

I am tall and curvy
she is petite and athletic
She is 13 yrs older than me

Personality wise, I wouldn't and don't want to know.

CallmeIT Thu 26-Mar-20 17:36:24

Very like me looks wise, just older and less interesting (haha) very different personality. Quite like his Mum. Who he hates confused good luck to him!

TysonFurry Thu 26-Mar-20 18:12:33

Interesting that three of us have partners who went for older ow. If they have to be deceitful lying arses, at least they’re not being ageist deceitful lying arses smile

supersop60 Thu 26-Mar-20 18:20:33

Not me but my BiL (Dsis H) had an affair with someone identical to his first wife, and is now very friendly with another one who is an older version of the same. Unresolved issues????

StirCrazed Thu 26-Mar-20 18:22:25

Very different physical types. Probably different personalities as well.
A change is as good as a rest n all that

DivaRainbow Thu 26-Mar-20 18:29:39

Ow was complete opposite from me, She was younger, Blonde and a few dress sizes bigger. She was also different personally wise

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 26-Mar-20 18:35:39

Notthewife, you're being very insensitive. You're the OW. I've just seen you be a bit of a dick on the thread about how affair partners are managing during the virus with some seriously hurt women on there.

It smacks to me as if you're desperate for your relationship with your married man to be talked about and validated still now that you can't see each other.

Have some dignity and rein it in maybe?

Joy69 Thu 26-Mar-20 19:33:39

My ex husbands first 2 girlfriend's were different to me. His latest is the spitting image of me. Men are strange beings, given up trying to work them out 🤯

TheTittefers Thu 26-Mar-20 19:38:31

She’s very like me at first glance, but she’s plumper and her hair is more red, whereas I’m coppery. Also, I’m not a cunt.

Mrsorganmorgan Thu 26-Mar-20 19:38:57

No I am small dark haired and slim, she (I have only seen a photograph) is tall, blond and bigger than me.

TheTittefers Thu 26-Mar-20 19:39:33

By the way, @TysonFurry can you link to that other thread; I’d like to read it. 💐

Dzundza Thu 26-Mar-20 19:46:46

The OW of my ex couldn't have been more different than me. Very cold and manipulative woman (I knew her first so thought this before they even started something), different interests, different body type, different hair and skin colour, much quieter. We have nothing in common. Maybe that is best? They're still together almost ten years later so maybe she really is the one for him. I do think he really loves her so that's nice for him.

Laurenxx12 Thu 26-Mar-20 19:51:47

@TysonFurry don't let them off the hook just yet! My ex had an affair with someone about 10 years older than me, it completely baffled me so I asked him why he went for an older woman and he replied "because they're easy. Flattered by the attention of a younger man."

MrsPworkingmummy Thu 26-Mar-20 19:53:03

I'm 18 years younger and am the complete opposite in all respects. The only similarity to his ex is that we are both ambitious when it comes to our careers.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Thu 26-Mar-20 19:59:45

My ex's OW was similar in that she is the same age as me (12 years younger than him), supports the same football team and went to the same school. She was (at the time, don't know about now) very slim, short dark hair, striking features, athletic and into horses, whereas I was curvy, had long red hair, reasonably pretty but nothing special, and not in the slightest sporty. They are still together and now married, and I met DH after my ex left, so clearly she was more his type than me grin

TysonFurry Thu 26-Mar-20 20:06:19

TheTittefers I’m sorry, I don’t know how to link blush. It’s called something like My Dh had an affair for 18 months. Will I get over it?”

Myhusbandischeating Thu 26-Mar-20 21:00:31

She has a disfigurement. I don't.
She is probably the same size as me but taller.
She is dark haired. I am blonde (have been for 18 years but dark naturally, but not as dark as her.
She's 34. He's 54. I'm 45. He likes them younger I guess that means.
She wears a pink plastic (fake leather) lace up mini skirt very regularly for the school run. I don't do a school run anymore but when I did i never wore pink mini skirts of any type and still don't.
My husband once bought me pink trainers and i know if he saw that skirt in a shop he would have suggested it to me and i'd have laughed it off.
She's ticking more of his boxes than me.

RLEOM Thu 26-Mar-20 21:26:36

1st ex's AP looked like his mum.

2nd ex's AP looked like a plain, slimmer version of me.

isseywith4vampirecats Thu 26-Mar-20 21:30:13

she was a younger plumper version of me im tall and slim but apart from clothes size she looked like I did ten years before

HollyBollyBooBoo Thu 26-Mar-20 21:35:10

No totally different. I'm fat blonde Caucasian, she's younger teeny tiny Japanese.

Apricot10 Thu 26-Mar-20 22:21:56

Mine was and is basically me but 16 years younger. Same looks, same hobbies and interests. If she hadn't snagged my husband we probably would've got on great! hmm

Dowser Fri 27-Mar-20 08:33:54

The first was ten years younger than me and was mad for him. I think she thought he was more than he made out to be.
She was ordinary looking. Nothing special. She dumped him when he wouldn’t commit. Saw a photo,of her a few years later and she’d blown up by about4 to 5 stone.
Second one was a plain Jane with hair like a cabbage patch doll. Also ten years younger than me.
I’ve always looked a bit younger for my age so I don’t think that was the attraction
They were drinkers and I’m not.
They were welcome to him..I found out after he left for the second one, couldn’t wait for him to go by this point, that he was a serial philanderer
He was even on a dating site when with the second one, who had to marry as they were living in Dubai.
Me and my second husband are far more suited

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