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Need some perspective

(17 Posts)
mmmmmmmmno Thu 26-Mar-20 09:01:47

Last night I was in bed with DH, everything was fine until he took his dirty sock off and threw it on me. I threw it away and told him to stop, it’s disgusting, he got it again and threw it behind him ( I was lying facing him on my side with his back to me) I went in my mouth, I took it out of my mouth and spat without thinking as i had fluff and goodness knows what else in my mouth. The spit apparently landed on the back of DH head. DH told me I was absolutely disgusting, absolutely vile and called me a dick. He had venom in his voice. This morning he has got up and gone to work. I am unwell since yesterday with a cold, body aches etc, we have 4dc. Before he left The dog was sick on the new carpet, I got up and cleaned it whilst he was sat on the sofa watching TV. He has not offered to help at all. I’m really upset that he has gone to work and left me ill and in charge of the kids. I text him apologising for spitting on him but explaining it was a natural reaction to having a filthy sock thrown in my mouth. I said I was upset he has gone to work, he was only talking last night about not going in because of the coronavirus and worrying he may bring it home to the kids. He called me and was just having a massive go at me for spitting on him.

Is he justified?

mmmmmmmmno Thu 26-Mar-20 09:03:09

Btw he is not a key worker

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 09:10:26

No.

Why was he throwing his dirty sock at you (your face specifically) in the first place? Pretty disrespectful, derogatory behaviour.

Noone wants an item of someone else's clothing that tends to be smelly and unhygienic thrown at them, esp their face. I have. I doubt your "d" h is aware of this - because if he wasn't that would make him very very odd. Lacking in the most basic understanding that a child would have. So he's doing it on purpose and it's disrespectful. Would he be all chilled and happy if you were throwing your used socks or underwear at his head? I doubt it.

It's not a nice type of "play".

Your reaction - coughing etc was about a million times milder than many people's reaction would be to what he was doing .. he would have found himself on the receiving end of some minor violence from many people .. but you didn't even do that and you're being criticised and called names.

I'll be honest if a man kept throwing a dirty,possibly smelly, unhygienic item at my face, j would be slapped him or thrown something in his face.

Thing is - you can't win with someone like this.

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 09:11:32

*would have

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 09:12:13

I text him apologising for spitting on him but explaining it was a natural reaction to having a filthy sock thrown in my mouth.

You shouldn't behave to apologize, you weren't in the wrong. He's a bullying child.

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 09:17:39

The spit apparently landed on the back of DH head. DH told me I was absolutely disgusting, absolutely vile and called me a dick

So what if it did - he shouldn't be throwing his used socks at someone's head/face.

Someone in your relationship is all those things but he's s hint, it's not you.

Does he usually instigate things like this and then blame you, call you names etc.

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 09:20:17

If he did get the Corona virus from you spitting/spluttering near the back of his head, it's his own fault.

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 09:21:22

I am unwell since yesterday with a cold, body aches etc, we have 4dc. Before he left The dog was sick on the new carpet, I got up and cleaned it whilst he was sat on the sofa watching TV.

Is this standard? He sounds like a lazy, disrespectful annoying wanker.

mmmmmmmmno Thu 26-Mar-20 10:01:02

No it’s not standard. If he is upset or annoyed with me then yes, he totally ignores me and makes things difficult for me. If we are ok then he is helpful.

I think spitting was disgusting, but him throwing his sock at me was also disgusting. He has done it a few times before, he thinks it’s funny.

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 10:07:33

No it’s not standard. If he is upset or annoyed with me then yes, he totally ignores me and makes things difficult for me. If we are ok then he is helpful.

So his response to an argument caused by his immature, disrespectful behaviour is to stone wall you, huff with with, make things harder for you etc.

You don't have the option if sitting back, doing fk all in the aftermath of a "disagreement", do you? Or things that need fine wouldnt get done - nice that he gives himself that luxury

Brace yourself for lots of posters saying he's an abuser. You'll think it's an exaggeration.

I'm not so sure.

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 10:08:09

*need done

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 10:09:28

If he is upset or annoyed with me

And how many if the times thats he's upset or annoyed with you are unreasonable like this?

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 10:10:05

*of

mmmmmmmmno Thu 26-Mar-20 13:13:04

Yep, pretty much. He knows I will try to act normal for the kids sake. He will probably ignore me for a day or two. He text me saying he doesn’t understand why I would expect him to want to be anywhere near me, I spat at him and that is absolutely disgusting

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 13:50:52

Yeah you spat at the back of his head accidentally/not in purpose because he repeatedly threw a dirty sock at your head/face and (intentionally or not) gif it in your mouth.

So that was his fault.

Plus his reaction/behaviour is totally over the top.

He really likes punishing/bullying/getting on his high horse with you, doesn't he.

GilbertMarkham Thu 26-Mar-20 13:53:24

He's also unreasonable. Hard to have a decent relationship with someone unreasonable.

NoMoreDickheads Thu 26-Mar-20 13:59:42

He's not justified at all in being like he is. You didn't deliberately spit on him, you just accidentally got him as you were spitting out a skanky sock he threw at you!

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