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Is it a bit crap that he didn't send me a birthday card?

(44 Posts)
Stuckandsadintheupsidedown Wed 25-Mar-20 12:00:53

It's my birthday 🎂
I know this is so self indulgent but I am sad new boyfriend hasn't posted me a card. He sent a text this morning saying happy birthday and we'll celebrate once this is all over. I know some would say that's equal to a card, I certainly don't expect flowers or a gift but the I am sad at no card.
My dad was late posting yesterday so no card from him, it's just me and ds who is letting me play with his robots.
I know it's unchartered territory at the moment but boyfriend had been off work 3 weeks already and been out to asda to buy beers and food etc.

insancerre Wed 25-Mar-20 12:03:17

I didn’t get a card from my husband and we’ve been married 33 years
It’s also his birthday and I got him a card
It’s all a bit weird at the moment
Happy birthday flowers

LightenUpSummer Wed 25-Mar-20 12:03:36

Yes that's extremely crap! Don't doubt your own judgement please.

Hope you have a good day anyway flowers

TheStuffedPenguin Wed 25-Mar-20 12:10:09

Men don't necessarily do cards ( sexist I know) plus he is new . My now H didn't the first time ( same situation)but dressed up and took me out for a special dinner but I let him know and he now realises this is important to me . This is minor really . How is he otherwise ?

JenNtonic Wed 25-Mar-20 12:10:17


Stuckandsadintheupsidedown Wed 25-Mar-20 12:28:08

He's a really nice guy, been together about 6 months. I have been shopping with him before all this to help him choose cards for his mum and sister so I know he's not card averse iyswim..
Think I'll wait until the end of the day and then tell him I'm a bit upset by it.
In my last relationship it ended up the same way- big fuss of my bday to start with then petered out to nothing. I know it's daft but it's the one day of the year that you are special isn't it?

smiften Wed 25-Mar-20 12:35:59

6 months isn't that new. I'd be disappointed too.

Happy Birthday anyway. cake

thedevilinablackdress Wed 25-Mar-20 12:40:49

Maybe he didn't want to risk sending the virus to you in the post? From him or anyone else who handled the card.

thelistener Wed 25-Mar-20 12:42:00

Happy birthday daffodil

Mothers day was like that here. 3 living children (2 of whom are adults) and got text messages on Sunday and cards later - doesn't help at the time though xx

DartmoorChef Wed 25-Mar-20 12:43:36

I have been shopping with him before all this to help him choose cards for his mum and sister so I know he's not card averse iyswim.

If he needs help choosing a card then hes useless at it. No idea why so many blokes (and it usually is them) are crap at this. My dp is thoughtful and generous and over the last 6 years has treated me to some amazing gifts.. But cards..not one. He thinks they are a waste of money. 🙄

However my ex was a complete abusive arse hole 365 days a year, but would always get me a fancy card.. Just so people could see how thoughtful he was... Hmmm... I will stick with card phobic dp any day.

AnneJeanne Wed 25-Mar-20 12:45:11

I honestly wouldn’t worry about it. A lot of people don’t get the whole card thing. It’s like a throwback to an older generation. The important thing is that you were on his mind first thing this morning. Happy birthday!

inwood Wed 25-Mar-20 12:47:17

I wouldn't go to the shop to buy a card right now.

ItsTrueISwear Wed 25-Mar-20 12:58:46

Happy Birthday cake
With the current situation I wouldn’t set too much store by this. Traipsing to the shops for a card and stamp isn’t essential.
If, up to now, he’s been great, give him the benefit of the doubt.
We’re living in difficult times.

category12 Wed 25-Mar-20 13:22:45

I'd expect at least a token gift at 6 months. It is crappy. Don't have a low bar - if things like this are important to you, don't try to pretend they're not and let him away with it. It sets expectations for the future.

Yes, times are difficult, but he could have done something.

You should cut out the helping with his family stuff - if you end up together long term you'll be one of those women who buys his mum's mothers day card and gets fuck all herself cos he can't be arsed.

goldpartyhat Wed 25-Mar-20 13:39:09

Tell him why your last relationship ended and he may rethink k his card giving ways.

Some people are just not card people though. I'm not, but I love unexpected flowers or treats on other days of the year

LightenUpSummer Wed 25-Mar-20 15:16:01

Don't have a low bar - if things like this are important to you, don't try to pretend they're not and let him away with it

I could not agree with this more - it's crucial not to deny to yourself what type of relationship you actually want.

billy1966 Wed 25-Mar-20 15:33:04

I agree with not settling for a low bar relationship.
6 months is long enough for a card.
Mark his card OP and don't bother wasting time on him if you think this is a pattern of careless behaviour.

Happy birthday to youflowers

TheStuffedPenguin Wed 25-Mar-20 15:41:47

I know it's daft but it's the one day of the year that you are special isn't it? You should be special to him every day of the year .

Northernparent68 Wed 25-Mar-20 17:26:53

I’m surprised at this thread, the card shops are shut, how was he supposed to get a card ?

category12 Wed 25-Mar-20 17:33:22

Supermarkets sell cards, chocolate and flowers. The postman still delivers. Moonpig etc still exist. You don't need a card shop.

LightenUpSummer Wed 25-Mar-20 17:36:58

Given the amount of men who take women for granted, it's hardly irrational to look out for the warning signs.

MMmomDD Wed 25-Mar-20 19:03:12


Warning signs - sure. But this is not one of them.
I am sorry OP, but this is childish and selfish too a bit in the times like this.
At this time - people who go to work to stores, store supplies and mail deliveries should really focus on what’s most needed and essential.
A birthday card is not, at all.
And should we even mention the impact on environment of all the card making?

He didn’t forget your birthday. He sent you a text as is a nice and responsible thing to do.
Making a deal over not having a card is strange even in normal life to me - and at 6mo - he might not even know you somehow need a card to not doubt the relationship.
Relationships don’t need to he tested on a special day in a year - relationships happen daily. If he is a good bf on a normal day - then being happy about it is the best thing you can do for yourself.

category12 Wed 25-Mar-20 19:10:36

Well maybe you should tell that to all the people clearing the shelves of alcohol and crisps - hardly essential hmm.

Various special occasions are important to people, and it's valid to want a partner to make an effort for them.

BradyBugs Wed 25-Mar-20 19:34:17

At these extreme times where people are avoiding going out at all costs depending how seriously they take this virus, I wouldn't be worried this time around. These are unusual times, people aren't going to be doing their usual activities or even thinking straight at times.

Its not something I'd be upset about at any time, I don't do cards myself, for anyone. I give gifts but usually cardless. But in these times the last thing I'd be trying to do is get out to a post office or even to a store to buy a card. It doesn't rate high in the trying to survive right now list. But if it's important to you even in these unprecedented times, then do him a favour and end it. I think these unusual times require a bit more lenience and understanding not getting your back up over a card when he did message you and acknowledged your birthday. If he hadn't even acknowledged it I'd more understand the annoyance.

Aerial2020 Wed 25-Mar-20 23:32:11

What? The OP is selfish for feeling hurt she didn't get a card for the birthday?
Oh my god. Ths shit things people say on here.
She's allowed to feel hurt. Jeeze. Give the woman a break.
Some people are way too harsh.

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