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My marriage is over in just 12 months [INCLUDES DV DETAIL - EDITED BY MNHQ]

(55 Posts)
Ivy2134 Tue 24-Mar-20 16:47:30

Hi all, I'm devastated, heartbroken, crushed beyond repair.
I got married in October 2018. I was so happy.
My husband had told me I had completed him and I was all he ever wanted and that he would mind and protect me until the day he dies. He was my first relationship.
Things was nice until boxing day 2018 that evening we go out end up having one drink to many. Anyway we got into a stupid argument that resulted in him punching me in my head then choking me to where my voice was hoarse the next day. I made him leave.
I told his mother she suffers with mental health and it resulted in her taking am overdose.
He blamed me then threatened to kill one of my family if she didnt make it.
Anyway we make it back up a few weeks later and he was saying all his sorrys. Me being gullible fell for it.
A couple months later we go for another drink with his mother and father when a guy and his girlfriend came over to me and his mom and was being friendly and hugged us on the way out.
When we get home he calls me a smell and tells me never let him see me hug another guy ever again well he was the first to ever have me so I went mad and put him out.
Fast forward a couple of months and i end up in hospital sick with my kidney and the night I was admitted I tryed to call him which he answered unknown and I could hear music in the background! Anyway he tell me a lie and says he didnt answer because he left his phone in the car. I argued and he said that his conversation was more important!!
He would mostly be out on the weekends but j thought hed give it a break knowing iwas in hospital.
Anyway couple months down the line I end up in hospital again he stays with me until he has to go.
I find out the next day hes went out all night and didnt return until 7 in the morning.
So I go mad and tell him to go but he didnt he just decides to ignore me while I'm in hospital and hes driving my car up and down with his mates doing whatever when my uncle tell him that it would suit him better to be with me than his friends. My uncle demanded my keys of the car of him.
I didnt even get a visit!! Next day no phone call nothing then I get told I can go home I had to get a taxi home he didnt even ask if or when I would be coming home!
Got home and him and his mat are stuffing there face with a pizza without a care in the world.
Any way next thing is he gets into an argument with my landlord and end up getting kicked out of my home where I was for 18 yrs.
We moved burning was starting to get very depressed. Then one night I get phone call to pick him up he was drunk. He gets into the car and I ask him is this the life that I'll have to continue to live with him I was shouting at him but he then grabs my hair while I'm driving from behind and I'm trying to control the car cause he has such a grip on my hair. He tryed to beat me that night but he was to drunk.
Anyway as it goes I forgived him. But i said to him the next day that if that was his mother or sister would he hit them then he got upset and said that I was mad.
A couple weeks go buy and he goes drinking again I come home and he rips my hair out throws it on top of me give me two running kicks into the ribs I got up and tryed to punch hill back but he got me on the floor and kept standing on my head and face and kept punching me in the head he kicked me so on in my knee I couldn't walk for two weeks he tore all the tendons and ligaments I really thought it was broke. I screamed in pain and begged to be taken to the hospital where when he told me he would stab me. My head had so much lumps and my face and eyes were black. He said sorry next day but said I should have just left him alone.
I didnt leave because ididnt want my family to.see my face. I healed then I left he begged me not to go but I did.
Then he gets into trouble and people come to my door my cousin to be exact and asked for his mothers address and i give it he then had a guy ring me to tell me he was gona blow me up.
He then asked me to meet him and that he was gona get help.
I thought ok stupid me I know but I did I kept meeting him and he was telling me that he would anything. So I had asked him if he had been with anyone since me being gone and only meeting with him and he told me no!
Any way I get his phone and I find pictures of a woman standing nude and it's only in the hotel we had our honeymoon. He has ripped my heart out and life apart I'm so depressed I've cried every day since he has effected me so badly.
I just think with the pain thays in my heart that I carry every day is never going to go away.
I dont see anywayford I know this sound so stupid but i loved him so much after everything thing he done. Whybor how is that even possible item to hate him. But I dont why? I just dont understand myself. I haven't gone back though. Words of wise and wisdom if anyone can reach out! Thank you.

notapizzaeater Tue 24-Mar-20 16:51:00

Run and keep,running, don't look back. Next time he might kill you.

Bluntness100 Tue 24-Mar-20 16:58:21

How old are you op? Because honestly I though this was a teenager writing it until you got to the living in your home for eighteen years. Are you both very mature adults?

You need to end this, you need to seek assistance from women’s aid, because you’re in a deeply abusive situation. This will never get better, this man is a monster.

No one who loves you beats you. No one. No matter what they tell you. They don’t love you. You need to stay away from this monster.

formerbabe Tue 24-Mar-20 16:58:27

He sounds terrifying. Don't go back ever. He could end up murdering you. This is serious. Stay safe.

LouLouLoo Tue 24-Mar-20 17:03:08

You’ve given him way too many chances. He won’t change. I’d be celebrating the end of your marriage.

mencken Tue 24-Mar-20 17:03:19

Jesus. Lucky escape. You weren't to know what he was, but you do now. Use that knowledge and run.

police are still here. get safe and never go back because he WILL kill you.

Pavlova31 Tue 24-Mar-20 17:08:11

Please Please Please PLEASE stay well away from him at all costs Op.
Stay safe. Keep safe . He has shown you that he is dangerous and you have escaped him.Never .Ever . Whatever you do go back .flowers

MrsMozartMkII Tue 24-Mar-20 17:08:25

Bloody hell lass! Run!

carlotta43 Tue 24-Mar-20 17:09:03

Don't get back with him. Thank God you don't have children - imagine what he'd do to them. Well done for getting rid of him, now just keep on walking.

SeriouslyRetro Tue 24-Mar-20 17:14:08

Are you In The uk?

GenxfeellikeaBoomer Tue 24-Mar-20 17:17:46

Run so far that you cannot see this in trainwreck in your rearview mirror. Don't get drawn in to defending your decisions.

Please check out Dr Ramani, Meredith Miller, Michelle Nieves, Lisa Romano on youtube. You will like one of them.

From your own point of view, you made a mistake. That's ok. You're allowed to make a mistake. Acknowledge it, accept it, forgive yourself for the mistake you made allowing this scumbag in to your life and then work on your better future without him.


Deadposhtory Tue 24-Mar-20 17:18:28

I too thought it was a teenager.....
Run for the hills

GenxfeellikeaBoomer Tue 24-Mar-20 17:24:19

scroll through this list OP, see if any clips interest you

Lisa A Romano

Michelle Lee Nieves

And coaching slightly less specific to abuse but still about resilience and healing etc

Stephanie Lynn coaching

Julia Kristina counselling

And on the subject of healthier relationships
check out Alan Robarge and Brianna McWilliams.

I know it's not for everybody but I found a lot of comfort and wisdom on just youtube channels.


hairyxmasturkey Tue 24-Mar-20 17:27:10

I got to the bit early in your post where he hit you in the head. I need read on. You must leave, he is scum.

You are worth more than this.

AlexaAmbidextra Tue 24-Mar-20 17:35:08

He’s beaten you to within an inch of your life, repeatedly, and the thing that has finally broken you is a picture of another woman? Have I got that right? Stop forgiving him and taking him back. He will murder you. He is a vicious nasty thug and you need to stay away from him for good. Oh, and while you’re at it, report him to the police.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 24-Mar-20 17:35:12

OP... blimey your post was so hard to read. You have family, please tell them. Leave and don't tell him where you are, never contact him again - and please go to the police and press charges.

Next time, he will probably kill you. He's been ramping up the violence and knows that you have shielded him from it.

No more.

FAQs Tue 24-Mar-20 17:45:04

Blimey, any kids involved ? That aside you need to build yourself up so you also don’t contact him, he is a violence nasty piece of shite. You and any other women need to avoid him.

Samtsirch Tue 24-Mar-20 18:00:46

Thèse may be of use, I apologise if not

Best of luck to you.

12345kbm Tue 24-Mar-20 18:13:40

National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247
Dial 999 if you think he's going to attack you again.

OP this man is going to kill you. You need to get out and stay out and yes, this is an emergency and you need to run, don't walk to a place of safety and stay there.

Look up trauma bonding.

I've posted advice and information here if you want to post on this thread for advice and support.

GilbertMarkham Tue 24-Mar-20 20:06:53

He's a woman beater.

He isn't going to change.

He also sounds unfaithful.

That probably won't change either.

How long did you know him before you got married? Getting to know someone for a good few years before you get married or have a child is essential.

There's no shame in being divorced, not at all but especially not in circumstances like these. It's impossible for you to stay married to him. At best he can't offer you a decent marriage/relationship and at worst he's really dangerous.

Lots and lots of people are divorced, and go.on to have happier lives, meet someone good etc. Sounds like you don't have kids ... You can't have kids with this man. Do that another reason to separate, divorce and move on with your life.

GilbertMarkham Tue 24-Mar-20 20:13:24

*So that's

GilbertMarkham Tue 24-Mar-20 20:15:25

I dont see anywayford I know this sound so stupid but i loved him so much after everything thing he done. Whybor how is that even possible item to hate him. But I dont why? I just dont understand myself.

You love who you thought he was. He's not that man, that's a shock and a huge adjustment.

simplekindoflife Tue 24-Mar-20 20:28:12

Bloody hell, that was hard to stomach. He's probably done permanent damage to your knee and next time I have no doubt he will do a lot worse.

Please do not ever go back to him. thanks

BecauseReasons Tue 24-Mar-20 21:13:12

Contact woman's aid. And as pp said, leave carefully. It's dangerous to leave abusers, but more dangerous to stay with them. If you do stay and he beats you up again, go straight to the police.

Gobbycop Tue 24-Mar-20 22:09:23

Quite a lot to read but I think I've got the gist.

Leave him or you're quite possibly going to end up dead.

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