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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DD tells me she's pregnant

44 replies

gingerninger · 10/09/2007 14:05

My 22 year old has told me today that she is 10 weeks pregnant. She is at university in her last year of Ba Education the other side of the county to where we live. We have not met the boy didn't even know she was seeing anyone.
I told her everything would be fine, and not to worry but am concerned how will we manage financially as I am a mature student so on a grant for the next yr or so. HHHEEEELLLPPPPPP

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KerryMum · 10/09/2007 14:05

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KerryMum · 10/09/2007 14:06

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Wisteria · 10/09/2007 14:06

(((((hugs))))))

Must be very worrying for you, it will work out ok though, these things usually do.

Are you going to go and see her to talk things through or is she going to come and see you? How far away is she?

gingerninger · 10/09/2007 14:10

She is home at the moment, she wants the baby. The boy doesnt want to be a parent (yet) he is a student too.
I'm concerned that she wont finish her degree....concerned about money and the impact this will have on her life if she doesnt finish her degree.

OP posts:

EffiePerine · 10/09/2007 14:11

Practically speaking, she is 22 so the financial side is her responsibility really, even if you do say you'll help where you can.

madamez · 10/09/2007 14:11

DOes she know whether or not she wants to go ahead with the pregnancy? WHat sort of terms is she on with the boy in question?
Financially she will be able to get grants, etc (I am sure there are student mums on here who will be able to offer advice) if she decides to go ahead. Understand that it must be a shock for you but good luck with supporting her whatever she wants to do.

MerlinsBeard · 10/09/2007 14:13

Gingerninger...i would just like to point out that i became pg with ds1 at 21. I didn't do a degree and i turned out fine

I know you are worried about her finishing what she has started though. She will be able to do the majority and may be eligible to defer her last year or d it distance learning.

Financially-after the baby is born she will be able to claim child benefit at the very least.

EffiePerine · 10/09/2007 14:13

Has she spoken to college about deferring/time off/other ways of finishing? She may be able to defer her finals.

I wouldl say again she is an adult, she is having a baby, she needs to take responsibility for this (though she may be doing so already). As does her boyfriend, sorry he has no choice here even if he doesn't want to be a f/t father.

goingfor3 · 10/09/2007 14:13

Good luck to your DD. I was 21 when I first got pregnant though was lucky enough to have the support of DP who was 22.

Wisteria · 10/09/2007 14:14

I bet you are, how awful for both of you.

There are no words which will help really, apart from the obvious one that there will be a lovely bundle of joy eventually, however that's no consolation when you are looking at the practicalities of it with the knowledge of how difficult it all is.

I hope she finishes her degree, I really do. A friend of mine got pregnant just after her degree and managed to bring up the baby, have another one, work full time and do a post grad so it doesn't have to be the end of the world.

Has she spoken to the college/ uni counsellor. There are often funds in place to help, free creche places etc.

Hassled · 10/09/2007 14:16

It was a very long time ago now but I had my oldest aged 21 and at University - it was hard, but manageable. Can't help with financial practicalities because it was so long ago (I managed to get extra money from some uni fund for childcare), but she will really regret it if she drops out now. My maths is poor but I'm assuming she'll have a newborn at the time of her finals - it will be tough.

cluelessnchaos · 10/09/2007 14:18

I had dd1 at 20, was in my 2nd year of uni, with no parental support and managed to carry on my studies with the OU, she needs you to be calm and tell her its all going to be ok, and that you will support her where you can. So close to the end of her degree he must be able to finish, but as has already been said, it wouldnt be the end of the world, good luck

TheMuppetMuggle · 10/09/2007 14:29

Hi
I had my DD at 22 and became a single mum as father wasn't ready, but we are both fine i finished my course, i work P/T and in a relationship TTC#2.
If shes got your support she'll be fine

VagusPabo · 10/09/2007 14:34

"the boy"

Sheesh.

And are you sure she wants to live with you after she has the baby?

lol Kerrymum's first post

more · 10/09/2007 14:38

How do you feel about it Gingerninger?

If your daughter is happy about this, I don't think this is such a bad situation. I am sure she will be getting a lot of help from the University and the government, to help her through this.

She is also lucky that she has you to support her. Do you think that the father's family would be keen to help her out as well?

How long has she got left at Uni?

DumbledoresGirl · 10/09/2007 14:39

Sorry, I can't work this out. If she is 10 weeks pg now, when is the baby due? Is there any chance she could do her degree after giving birth? If there is, she should be encouraged to do so.

MerlinsBeard · 10/09/2007 14:41

due end of march beginning of april i think DG

VagusPabo · 10/09/2007 14:43

gingerninger has taken km's advice to heart and killed her 22year old.

Personally, I am shocked shocked shocked that a mere lass of 22 has not kept her distant parents more up to date regarding her courting habits at university.

MrsScavoEatsPizza · 10/09/2007 14:43

Your DD is 22, an adult, as is, I presume the 'boy' who is the babys father. I won't say 'how terrible' because if she has decided to continue with the pregnancy, I think everyone should focus on the positive.
Of course it will be hard to give birth and take her finals simultainiously, but if you can get her though that, then there will be so much light at the end of the tunnel.

MrsScavoEatsPizza · 10/09/2007 14:44

Oh, and you don't have to be 'seeing' anyone to have sex and get pregnant!

3madboys · 10/09/2007 14:46

i had my ds1 when i was preg, i was in my second year when i got preg, my parents hadnt met my dp either, tho i had mentioned him on the phone to them

it WILL be fine, its not going to be easy but it is doable and she will be able to get extra loans/grants etc to help with childcare etc.

i had my baby in aug, was meant to start my third year when he was three weeks old, i took a year out and went back, there will be plenty of options open to her.

there should be a dean of students who she could go and talk to?

also i bet there are other people at her uni with kids? i went up to one girl who had a small toddler, and spoke to her, she is now my best friend 8yrs later and was my birth partner when i had my third baby

congratulations to your daughter and to you xxx

3madboys · 10/09/2007 14:47

edit that should say i had my ds1 when i was uni not i had my ds1 when i was preg

i am expecting no 4 and have preg brain.

btw i am still together with my dp, he was unsure abouthaving a baby, my mum told me to have an abortion and his mum wasnt best pleased, but it has all worked out ok,

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Thelittlesoldiersmummy · 10/09/2007 14:53

I am 7+1 today and by bud is due on the 26th April so she must be due at the beginning.

It is lovely that your so supportive but financially she is a grown up and if she is happy to keep the baby she should stand on her own two feet as much as she can which I am sure she wants to! Also the father may not feel ready to be a parent but he is so should contribute in some way.

This is a happy time! your going to be a grandparent, congratulations

VagusPabo · 10/09/2007 14:54

MrsScavo, I sense that gn is from a different time......and planet.

gingerninger · 10/09/2007 15:08

Oh my! I had my dd when I was 23 and working in a shop no degree until much later. So she is following in my footsteps so to speak...baby due 10th April.
Obviously, she will be at home with us and yes that's where she wants to be at the moment. It is joy but also fear! money is very tight at out house but we have to support her whatever!

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