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Need some help for a dear friend re marriage breakdown!

(9 Posts)
Twinkie1 Mon 10-Sep-07 12:58:35

Right Mumsnetters - I need some help.

I have a very dear friend who I hope will come onto mumsnet because she needs some advice right now - I am going to post a little of what she is going through and the questions she has in the hope that if she doesn't come on here I can advise her to some extent. I hope she doesn't mind.

Right anyway - her husband has told her he no longer wants to be with her, she has changed since they had DC and he is unfulfilled - in life generally not just in his relationship - no reason really to finish the relationship and I think he may be having a breakdown, if not there is another woman involved!

He has left the marital home but says he will continue to pay the mortgage and car payments etc... - does this mean that he can come and go as he pleases - I have told her to make him give her back the house keys.

He is saying that as she works 3 days a week and can have DC on the other 2 working days he wants DC all weekend, every weekend. DC is at playschool one morning during the time she is supposed to have DC and will in all probability have to go back to work full time so this is not going to work - when this was mentioned to him he got very angry!! I did tell her usually it is every other weekend and half the holidays as that is what happens with my DC.

What happens in terms of Tax Credit - can she claim some being the only person living at that address now with DC - even if he still pays the mortgage etc? Things are going to be tight for her and she could probably do with everything she can get.

All replies glady received - as I now live a way from her I feel like I cannot do much and at least if I had some concrete information I could give her I would feel like I would be doing something.

Many thanks - don't want to expand too much - I would rather she wrote on here for emotional support - all I can give her from here really is hard facts as to what her rights are.


Twinkie1 Mon 10-Sep-07 13:51:42


Twinkie1 Mon 10-Sep-07 14:38:18

Anyone out there?

LilyDaisy Mon 10-Sep-07 15:00:25

If they own the house in joint names then he does have legal rights to enter - but it is not reasonable for him just to come and goes as he pleases - he needs to respect her privacy now. I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate her marching into wherever he is living now.

I'd point her down the route of a family solicitor for some advice. Most offer a free consultation.

Twinkie1 Mon 10-Sep-07 15:13:18

Oh right so he would have to agree not to just come and go as he pleases. He is the one finishing the relationship but ringing every night and acting as though nothing has happened when he goes to visit DC - its almost as though he doesn't accept that this is tearing her apart!

chocchipcookie Mon 10-Sep-07 15:24:41

She needs to see a solicitor, if nothing else it will indicate to him that he can't call all the shots.

LilyDaisy Mon 10-Sep-07 15:35:12

I suppose she needs to explain to him that it is inappropriate behaviour now. He needs to understand the consequences of his actions doesn't he? Bit of a cake and eat it thing going on with him it would seem.

She could change the locks - i'm sure it would really annoy him but I doubt he'd go through the expense of legal action to assert his right to go in the house.

It must be confusing for the children too. I think that some sort of visiting pattern would be more stable for them. Perhaps she could address it from that point of view.

He seems to be thinking of his own needs rather than theirs and probably trying to lessen his own guilt.

Twinkie1 Mon 10-Sep-07 16:23:07

He just doesn't get that he is hurting her though - he lets himself in and says 'Hello Darling are you alright' - er obviously not you just left me and DC!

Everyone thinks he has someone else but he swears he doesn't and by the looks of him at the moment no one would want him he looks awful.

What about the tax credit thing does that go on what you earn as a couple or would they just take into account her income as the sole earning occupier regardless of him paying the mortgage? She could do with a break and me telling her that she could maybe get financial help may go a little way to quell her fears about being left totally broke!

LilyDaisy Mon 10-Sep-07 17:41:33

i'm not too sure on the tax credits - so long as you are working over 16 hours a week I believe you can claim - the government website has loads of info. I don't think it matters who is paying what - its the income they look at. But i'm no expert!

She will certainly have some financial benefits open to her as a single parent.

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