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Found searches for escorts and cheap sex on my boyfriend's phone

(12 Posts)
Wwga1wga Sun 22-Mar-20 12:48:31

Yesterday my boyfriend had left for work but left his phone home. I looked at his search history and found searches pretty much everyday for porn and escorts. All types blonde brunette Asian transexual and cross dressing. He had also searched for cheap sex (our local area). I looked on his emails and found that he had sent pictures of his dick and info about himself to crimson talent, which is a porn thing. I also found an email from man which was a response from an advert my bf had placed on another classified sex ad site asking for his phone number which my bf sent to him.
I spoke to him about what I found and he said that after changing jobs and becoming self employed a couple of months back, that he was desperate for money and thought that he could make money by doing this. He said he never followed through with anything and that he found out he would have to pay to be part of this crimson talent porn agency. He said he searched for escorts to get an idea of how much it should be. I pointed out that he was searching for the local cheap sex on Friday. I know there isn't an explanation, I don't know if he has had sex with any woman or men and anyway he obvs would of done if it had worked out differently. It's actually effed up and I feel such a strange sense of calm about it all. I don't even know what I want to do. He used to be my hero and has contributed to my growth as a person so much. I feel like I don't actually know who he really is. I told him that it is not fair for him to think that he can keep me around while doing/searching for something else. He has only asked me once if I am ok and the rest of the time he is complaining about people annoying him and how much his work is peeing him off. He is being so selfish. I still don't know how I feel, I keep swaying between pretending that nothing happened and obviously knowing that it's seriously effed up. I feel so disassociated from the situation. We are on completely different levels. I am currently at home on the last week of mat leave. Our son is 8 months old

NoMoreDickheads Sun 22-Mar-20 13:06:08

He's not going to search for 'cheap sex' just because he's planning to sell it himself. That's not going to give him an idea of how much to charge or anything, and hardly anyone except maybe those who work on the street are going to use being cheap as their selling point.

Wwga1wga Sun 22-Mar-20 13:15:07

Yes obvs it's all bolx. There is no explanation.

Wwga1wga Sun 22-Mar-20 13:16:18

Also for context, we have been together 10 years

rowrowrowyaboat Sun 22-Mar-20 13:25:14

LTB find some self respect, hes cheating end of.

RLEOM Sun 22-Mar-20 14:35:13

He's chosen a story that's not as bad as what he's really up to, but either way, whatever he's been up to is bad and therefore a reason to leave.

Dery Tue 24-Mar-20 09:13:06

You must have suspected something to decide to search his phone. That’s not a natural impulse in a healthy relationship.

How could you move beyond this? His story is a lie - a cheap price is what you look for when you’re buying, not when you’re selling. If he’s not sleeping around yet, that seems to have been his plan for the future but it’s often said on here that people are rarely caught out the first time. It’s incredibly risky behaviour at any time and now add CV into the mix. Has he been behaving responsibly around that risk? Either way, he sounds like a walking health hazard.

The early years of parenting are tough on any relationship but this is when good parents put their own needs aside and focus on nurturing the family unit they have created. They don’t go shopping for sex far and wide.

The CV lockdown which has now started makes it hard to kick him out if he has nowhere to go but in your shoes I would be avoiding physical intimacy if you can.

So sorry that this has happened especially when you’ve just had a child together. But please look after yourself. What he’s done is not hip or cool - and I speak as someone who has been in a polyamorous relationship - so don’t feel you have to be fine with it. On the contrary, it looks like he was very willing to put your sexual health at risk without your knowledge (condoms reduce risk but they don’t remove risk entirely), and that’s a big red flag in a partner.

yesterdaystotalsteps123 Tue 24-Mar-20 09:48:18

Can you send him to family? He has complex issues you are not going to be able to solve. He's also abusing you and putting your health in danger. He will always be like this and will get worse as he ages. There's no cure for this kind of behaviour. You must protect yourself and your child as this abuser will destroy your physical and mental health if you let him

Candyfloss70 Tue 24-Mar-20 16:41:12

You will feel calm now because you are in shock. Once this hits you, things will change.
Believe me, there is no coming back from this. You may try and get past it, but it will eat you up.

Epona1 Tue 24-Mar-20 19:52:53

Well firstly find your self respect
Secondly end it and kick him out
Thirdly get an STI check immediately

LovingLola Tue 24-Mar-20 20:01:06

Get rid

Closetbeanmuncher Thu 26-Mar-20 19:59:06

Why would you want to pretend nothing happened OP??

He's exposed you to STDs and is disturbingly self absorbed.

Only you can make the decision on whether or not you wish to stay with him, personally I would be running for the hills and passing an STD clinic on the way.

Can you make him go somewhere else whilst you process it all?

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