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Anyone else facing isolation in a unhappy/ended relationship?

(81 Posts)
GirlOnIt Thu 19-Mar-20 09:46:56

Officially not in a relationship but still living together, two young children. We've actually been getting on fine, but he's just messaged to say from Monday he'll be working from home for four weeks.
I knew it was probably coming and we've discussed it slightly, but I can't deny I'm dreading it a bit.

Anyone else is a similar situation? And any tips to make it bearable?
Least I can send him out on the food/toilet roll hunt instead of braving it with two kids, so that's a positive.

Inver Thu 19-Mar-20 12:22:17

Me ✋ a relationship which has all but ended, but he is burying his head in the sand. No advice, sorry. But you're not alone.

TableDesk Thu 19-Mar-20 12:42:03

Solicitors letters between us although still calm outwardly & customary goodmornings etc.
Not what I had in mind when made the decision to end my marriage 3wks ago.

Still at the doable stage and I really hope it doesn't disintegrate further as lock down looms

Wildthornberry Thu 19-Mar-20 13:01:49

Me - really finding things tense at the moment as we’re just making minimal conversation but mostly in silence.

KirstyHasLeft Thu 19-Mar-20 18:30:13

Going through divorce and was going to move out in May. Its all friendly though. But hard as hell at the same time.
With kids off school - I can't work and I'm not getting paid. So it's good I'm still living with STBXH... God knows when I will be able to move out though.
And now it looks like we are going to quarantine together for 2 weeks!!

And I am terribly in love with my kids' teacher - won't be seeing her now for ages. I am so upset and heartbroken. Idiot, really, as all it is just a stupid crush. Maybe all this no contact for months thing is going to help me to get over her. But I am so so unhappy at the moment.

beechwood85 Thu 19-Mar-20 21:12:52

absolutely, been in a bad marriage for many years, finally separated on/off since january. finally got to the definite finish on sunday night, we have been in lockdown since tuesday, its a nightmare.

workshyfop Thu 19-Mar-20 21:32:04

Yep. Split up at Christmas and still living together with 2 DCs while I sort out a new house. No idea if that will happen now. We’ve been getting along OK but it’s getting tense now. Timing is fucking awful!

lemony7 Thu 19-Mar-20 21:39:34

Yep. Got the keys to my flat on Friday and had planned to move over this week. And we’re in lockdown. It’s awful.

Corroboree Thu 19-Mar-20 22:35:59

We have to isolate for 12 weeks due to underlying conditions hmm

We are being terribly terribly polite to one another at the moment. With the children home too it's all I can do not to go into my bedroom, put a pillow over my head and scream. about twenty times a day

I am guessing solicitors aren't seeing clients face to face at present, and there is nowhere I can go to make a private call at all.

Obviously I don't want him to die. I don't want him to even get ill, but I can't help thinking that if I'd got a move on and separated earlier then at least I would be able to still go into work in person, rather than WFH, and it upsets me that I'm letting my colleagues down.

Confused866 Thu 19-Mar-20 22:53:21

Me. We came close to separating before Christmas but he was very angry about it and I felt hugely guilty about the dc, and realised that I’m financially quite trapped at the moment so we decided to ‘work on it’. Basically we just don’t talk about anything serious and plod on day to day but I’m not happy and I doubt he is. Now that we’re both working from home and I don’t have the distractions of going out to work, seeing friends etc it all feels very suffocating and horrible. I don’t know how I’m going to get through it.

Samtsirch Thu 19-Mar-20 22:53:33

Slightly off topic but women’s aid and similar charities are highlighting the impact that school closures and shutdowns will have on anyone living with domestic violence/ coercive control/ abusive relationship issues, and urging anyone who has knowledge or suspicion of this going on to make every effort to keep in regular contact with the person/ child they have concerns about.

Devoilmum Thu 19-Mar-20 23:07:04

My Dh doesn’t know that I know he’s having an affair. I can’t wait for lockdown- he’s not going to be able to sneak out to meet her. He’s also likely to be out of work for quite sometime. I’m sticking to him like glue (gotta keep myself amused). Totally lining up my ducks but so many jobs he’ll be able to get done around the house and garden before I boot him out!

Stuckfornow Fri 20-Mar-20 02:57:31

Officially ended it early Feb, I’m due to move into my new place in April, I intend to go regardless, will just take a car full of essentials and come back for the rest after lockdown is done as I won’t see anyone between here and the new place anyway. As it stands I will still be working all the way through anyway providing I don’t get ill.

GirlOnIt Fri 20-Mar-20 19:04:16

Apologies for posting and never replying had a minor emergency, but all is well.

Sorry others are going through similar but it's nice to know I'm not alone. While he's been working it's been quite easy and we've got into a nice routine. We do chat about the kids and general "how are you?".
Hopefully we'll find a new ok routine with him off or I might consider volunteering to go back from Mat leave early 😂

RiseAgain Fri 20-Mar-20 20:18:02

So glad I found this thread! Yes, same for me - divorce almost done, but still living together. The plan was for STBXH to move out in May. That looks increasingly unlikely now and with all of the stress now I also have to worry whether I lose my job. How much more stress can one person take?sad
Wishing you all strength and endurance!

GirlOnIt Fri 20-Mar-20 21:15:46

You too @RiseAgain

We’d planned for him to move out when I go back to work from mat leave in November. I’m not sure if spending this amount of time in close quarters will make us decide to do it sooner.
I’m quite liking him tonight though he managed to get me some flour.

Wannabegreenfingers Fri 20-Mar-20 21:35:52

Me, we aren't living together, but the only way he can see the kids is at the house. Its hell. I've been nice, he is being polite and says he doesn't need to be anymore. He is perfunctionery, but speaks to me like an inconvenience. It's like having a stranger in my home sad

morethanmeetstheeye Fri 20-Mar-20 21:38:42

God I'm so so relieved I found this thread.
Me too.
It's very very tense right now...

GirlOnIt Fri 20-Mar-20 21:43:50

Has anyone got any plans/ideas on how to manage it? So far when he's been at work, he's come home and took over with the kids, we've eaten together but with Ds too so the focus has been on him. Then he's bathed the kids and done bedtime and I've been going to the gym or a run, then he'd go upstairs to his room and I'd stay down or go to bed.

Luckily he's got the loft room that we just got finished, with his own bathroom. Bit annoying as it was going to be our room, but keeps him out of my way at least.

He asked tonight if he could watch the big tv as he wants to watch a film, said I was welcome to join him but I've come to bed.

marly11 Fri 20-Mar-20 22:02:10

Yep, me too. Timing is terrible - like a sick joke. DPs delighted as he had no intention of moving out or deciding anything so this is the perfect excuse for no action now. The only positive since the DC don't yet know is that I can move bedrooms with 'keeping separate ' as the excuse. It's hard - very hard- I'm not good with not knowing what's definite at the best of times but now I am truly stuck in limbo. And since I made it clear that we are definitely splitting DP seems to be wandering round in the mornings or post shower with no clothes on which I'm finding both repulsive and possibly passive aggressive - it's odd - very odd. Glad to find you all for some moral support. I have made the spare room (DS1s old room) more comfy but the single bed is doing my back in.)

GirlOnIt Fri 20-Mar-20 22:05:21

I'd be very tempted to making gagging noises or laugh and say "well I don't miss that" @marly11. But I admit I can be immature.
ExDp is luckily being respectful of boundaries, stays out of my room/bathroom and I stay out of his.

marly11 Fri 20-Mar-20 22:17:44

I'm thinking it @GirlOnIt but at this stage have managed to stop the words popping out. Give me a few days of confinement and things will change!

Stegasaurusmum Sat 21-Mar-20 09:49:58

Yes! Was just about to start my own thread.
We've had 2 sessions of counselling. I'd decided months ago that I'm done, we are still very civil and friendly but I don't fancy him anymore, I've got no love left. He's still trying to fix things but I'd intended to use the counselling to help him see it can't be fixed.

I was feeling suffocated already, that was without having to be off work now, with the children home all the time and him potentially working from home.

Was hoping to have moved into separate bedrooms, then to have started discussing how we split, by a month or twos time. But now everything feels like it's on hold. Was feeling like we could have things sorted by the summer... My job and friends are my lifeline and now I can't do any of that.

I feel like I'm going mad already. Felt like there was light at the end of the tunnel. Turned out to be a fucking train.

Sunshineandeggshells Sat 21-Mar-20 10:33:08

Separated last month. He is moving back in as lock down seems imminent. I am torn. Feels awful yet I don't want to be alone. I have "underlying health conditions" and keep panicking about dying alone.

MsSC Sat 21-Mar-20 11:09:40

Told DH two weeks ago that it’s over. He is devastated as he loves me and had no idea how unhappy and checked out I was. We’re being very nice to each other, and in some ways much more honest in discussing things. I’m flat hunting, but no idea what will happen if I find a place and we suddenly go on lockdown. Planning to tell DC (11 and 9) once I’ve found a place so there’s a timeline rather than more uncertainty.

DH has suggested putting everything on hold until this madness is over, but I can’t face the idea of staying in the same house indefinitely, I just don’t think it’s healthy.

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