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Has anyone successfully managed to re-vavavoom their relationship?

(9 Posts)
toomanydaves Thu 06-Sep-07 10:45:19

Dh and I have been really struggling this year - and after 8 months of avoiding discussing it we have had a frank conversation and I have fessed up that I am going to go to Relate. He really doesn't have time, as he works all hours. We have two dds, both school age. I seem to have reached a stage in life in which many relationships are crumbling around me - I'm 37, which is classic midlife crisis age for females - and I can see from what some of my friends, and some of the posters on this site, are going through, that my dh is totally not a wanker, and is in fact pretty amazing. I like him and enjoy his company. And he is a brilliant dad. However, I have totally lost all desire for him, and find the idea of having sex with him a real turnoff. I wish this were not the case.

Has anyone managed to properly get over this problem? To make it trickier, we get very little time together when we are not totally exhausted. I find the Sopranos a far more attractive proposition than bedding my husband, and sometimes the idea of getting myself to desire him again just feels like too much work. I am also finding myself desiring other people. I want our relationship to survive, however, and as - despite me being pretty lardy these days - his desire seems to have remained intact - I need to sort this one out.

toomanydaves Thu 06-Sep-07 13:19:56


HappyWoman Thu 06-Sep-07 14:18:19

Go to relate, but you must try to make time for each other. All work and no play ......... We all have the excuse of too much work ect.
Relationships do take work from time to time. Have you talked about your desire for ohters to him (its a big thing - how would you feel if he told you he desired others?)

You havent given much as to why things are not working - there must be something for you to feel like this.

Good luck i do believe it can work but you both need to really make it work. Once you both know that then just have fun. Set aside a time when you will try something new and different. I still fancy going out naked except for a coat as seen on a programme a couple of years ago!!!!!

toomanydaves Thu 06-Sep-07 19:56:41


VengefulSquirrel Thu 06-Sep-07 20:04:57

Hope you manage to get this sorted, Daves. Not much wisdom here but I do believe that a strong relationship can go through a bad patch and survive.

Sending lots of positive vibes.

toomanydaves Fri 07-Sep-07 09:33:01

thank you!

VengefulSquirrel Fri 07-Sep-07 21:10:58

Daves, are you around?? How are things today?

Mommalove Fri 07-Sep-07 22:44:25

Message withdrawn

dalmatianbabe Sat 08-Sep-07 17:38:39

I couldn't believe it when I read your thread, this is EXACTLY the same situation I found myself in a couple of weeks ago with my dp (of 20 years) I find my desire for him is a bit like the tide, all washed out or banging and crashing and can't get enough of each other. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and 'make' yourself have sex, once you get back in the saddle its much better. And to have him fancying you still is great. Its routine and everyday drudgery that kills desire, nothing in him or you. I think its OK to fancy other people! I get crushes on other guys all the time. Means you're not dead from the waist down! Go on, get back in the sack, you might surprise yourself. Good luck!!

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