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He wants me to reanact what happened to me

(98 Posts)
Apricotjam82 Mon 24-Feb-20 19:27:41

A few weeks ago my partner and I went on a mini break We have a very volatile relationship where is can be emotionally abusive. He has been so lovely to me since Xmas but whilst we were there we rowed and he said he didn't love me, told me I was a silly little girl, refused to speak to me when o was trying to sort it out and asked for his key back (I'd told him of he asked for it back again it would be the last time). O did something really silly and I left. Tooly bag and went to find a new hotel. I called him to go back but he didn't answer. O found a hotel and then got really drunk and ended up going back to a blokes flat. Here I don't remember much other than I left there screaming; I ran partially clothed, no shoes and ran and ran. He did something to me that made me run. I don't know what. I ran around this town o didn't know with no much one until someone stopped and helped me and took me back to my hotel. I called my partner during this time over 40 times and left voicemails screamimg and asking for help. He answered none of them. The next morning he called and asked if I was still in the town and he'd give me a lift back. I told him o thought I'd been sexually assaulted. He replied I don't believe you, you went there and slept with someone else. He ended it. O don't know what happened to me, I literally remember nothing than going to that flat and leaving screamimg with no shoes on and no bottoms. My partner doesn't believe me as he said my jeans are too difficult to get off and he can't do it. He said hell consider taking me back, if I show what happened, I have to show him what I can remember physically and o have to wear the same top, underwear, jeans, everything. I said I can't face doing that. So he's blocked me, dropped all my belongings on my doorstep and that's it. It's over. I am just devastated I did this to him

CodenameVillanelle Mon 24-Feb-20 19:29:45

You've had a very, very lucky escape. Keep him blocked and run very far away from him.

Flutteringsatlast Mon 24-Feb-20 19:30:47

He is an absolutely abusive bastard. Run op and seek professional help for your assault.
Never contact him again.

bluejelly Mon 24-Feb-20 19:31:06

Oh gosh that sounds terrible. For what it's worth I believe you 100%.
Have you though of contacting your local Rape/ Sexual Assault helpline? They are amazingly helpful and sympathetic.

ursuslemonade Mon 24-Feb-20 19:35:57

He is a monster.
Please don't consider getting back with him.

Thingsdogetbetter Mon 24-Feb-20 19:37:30

He's a fucking bastard! Seriously!! A 100% bastard.

He dumps you. You get sexually assaulted. And he says you need to reenact it - which is one of the creepiest things I've ever heard - to prove it was assault?

And you think you YOU have done this to HIM? He's is a grade A shit!

You need to get help and support. Both for the assault and for your mindset of feeling that you have done something wrong. Both these men have abused you. BOTH!

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Please don't take responsibility for THEIR abusive behaviour. Please seek help and support.

Eddielzzard Mon 24-Feb-20 19:39:11

What a total and utter arsehole. Seriously, you're so well rid.

BendyLikeBeckham Mon 24-Feb-20 19:41:04

Dear God. Stop trying to get back with this man. You didn't DO anything to him. He is an arsehole.

You were sexually assaulted and he wont believe you and wants you to act it out for him??? FFS NEVER DO THIS.

Go to the police. And work on your self esteem because it must be at rock bottom for your perspective to be that his behaviour is your fault, that you deserve someone who treats you like shit, and that you should be with him.

Go and live a happy life without him.

HollysBush Mon 24-Feb-20 19:41:34

Are you on your own or do you have friends you can talk to? You’re better off without him 100%

icelollycraving Mon 24-Feb-20 19:42:11

Dodged a bullet. Him not believing you is one thing, wanting to recreate it? That is fucked up.
So, so fucked up.

sunshineANDsweetpeas Mon 24-Feb-20 19:44:34

Do not go anywhere near that man again. Keep him blocked and see a councillor about what happened in that night

AdoraBell Mon 24-Feb-20 19:44:42

You did nothing to him. He is abusive and if you did what he wanted he would use that to humiliate you for years.

Block him and don’t look back. You are worth so much more than him.

Also, as suggested, contact one of the support organisations. They really will help you.

damnthatanxiety Mon 24-Feb-20 19:46:26

Oh FFS, why are you even considering this man. He's appalling. Move on.

RuffleCrow Mon 24-Feb-20 19:47:44

Two abusive men in this. OP you need to contact the police, rape crisis, victim support etc and get some professional support. And then get some counselling to find out why you are putting yourself at additional risk in this way. What happened was in no way your fault, but you do need to start treating yourself as you would a dear friend and being protective of yourself rather than reckless.

LochJessMonster Mon 24-Feb-20 19:48:58

It sounds like a very toxic relationship, lots of arguments, he is emotionally abusive and you left and got drunk with another guy.

Not a healthy relationship. The sexual assault is a separate issue.

Apricotjam82 Mon 24-Feb-20 19:50:29

He doesn't believe because I was drunk and things I'm lying to cover it up I slept with another bloke. I did go there willingly and I was drunk but I left half naked hysterical.

Its my fault cos of this

He wrote this in a text

I don't want someone that could walk away
I don't want someone that would choose to keep the company of random men in the middle of the night over being with me. I definitely don't want someone that would choose to go off 1 to 1 with one of them to engage in alcohol in the middle of the night over being with me. Forget how much you might have contributed to him thinking that his di_& going in you could even be remotely on the menu, you still chose to go and have wine with another bloke in the middle of the f@#+ing night.

AMomHasNoName Mon 24-Feb-20 19:54:04

Wow OP. Run a fucking mile. Better yet. Run 10. Dont try to get back with this piece of shit. I'm so sorry this happened to you x

Shoxfordian Mon 24-Feb-20 19:55:44

Your ex is an irredeemable knobhead

Can you call rape crisis to get some support or talk to a kind friend? I'm so sorry this happened

GabsAlot Mon 24-Feb-20 19:57:14

Have you posged before apricot?

Your ex is abusive and controlling yu havent done anything to him you can go where you please

you were drugged or drunk and cant remember being assaulted he should be hekoing you not accusing you

catpoooffender Mon 24-Feb-20 19:59:49

He is sick OP. I think he is getting a kick out of this. I'm terribly sorry for what happened to you and would urge you to get some help - whether that's from a GP or a counsellor or a Sexual Assault Referral Centre thanks

Wereeaglesdare Mon 24-Feb-20 20:00:35

Arsehole complete and utter twat!

I'd reply to cunty mcgee with this.

You are the reason so many women who have been raped and sexually assaulted keep it quiet and so many rapists are out their scott free. I hope in time you can forgive yourself for not even attempting to support me during this very difficult time in my life and not coming to my aid when I rang you over 40 times. I hope when you have time to reflect on this you think about your mother, sister, daughter and I hope you feel shame. However the heartless scumbag who sent that message probably doesn't feel anything. I pity you. Do not contact me.

Block delete
Say goodbye to possessions in his it's not worth it.

Ring the helplines and reach out to support. You very may have been spiked for you to be unable to remember things. But don't blame yourself and hold your head up high you are worth so much more than that. He deserves nothing one last message about how you are feeling for your closure then give him nothing. I'm sorry doesn't cut it this time. What he is is despicable.

lazylinguist Mon 24-Feb-20 20:02:54

Tbh it was perfectly obvious you should leave him before you even got to the bit about reenacting the assault. Why would you want to be in a relationship which was already volatile and emotionally abusive?!

Ozziewozzie Mon 24-Feb-20 20:04:46

Listen very carefully op. Your ex is NOT asking you to re enact what happened to you to prove what happenned to you. He’s pushing you to do it because he’s sick. He’s punishing you. Some very creepy people will take the view that you deserved it to happen and your ex wants to watch it as though it happenned and get kicks out of watching you distressed, abused and humiliated. Take it from me, he’s a pathetic example of a man and you desperately need to leave him well alone. He’s not just an abuser, he sounds very disturbed.

gypsywater Mon 24-Feb-20 20:06:00

Do the Freedom Programme
Stop drinking alcohol
Never take this man back into your life

GabsAlot Mon 24-Feb-20 20:06:18


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