Been with DP only 18 months.
When we met he told me he was an alpha male, had a good job, and was living with his mum short term whilst he saved for a deposit for his next house (Old house signed over to his ex).
All sounded wonderful coupled with him being tall, dark, and handsome and a bit shy.
I thought i had hit the BF jackpot being in my 30's and being single or in crap relationships until that point.
He was kind, reliable, and we did lots of fun things together. Sex was great. All good.
Then 6 months in his DM died, in her 80's and frail and very ill for months.
Since that point the sex has been non existant (4 maybe 5 times in the last year) - he says he just no longer has the urge.
Things have been unravelling a bit for the last few months. It transpires he doesnt have any money saved. He ditched his job at the end of last year as his boss was working him too hard and his DMs death basically hit him hard with no end in sight to the "eeyore" - moaning about everything and everything.
He complains about now working 3 or 4 days a week as a contractor, finishing at 3 and gets in a mood i have to deal with if he has to stay on until 4 or 4.30pm
He has no bills to pay but never has any money anymore.
Whilst he is moaning, im thinking... hmm im working longer hours, 5 days a week, in a highly stressful job, paying my mortgage, paying for my car... and all my bills, all our food for the weekend etc.
He has continued living with his dad and since xmas something had changed in my head. I just dont see how we can have a future. He is knocking on 40 years old soon with no plan for his life beyond getting through the next 24 hrs.
He spends his weekends waiting for me to entertain him by making plans (All the mental load) and 75% of the time the financial burden of activities, petrol, food.
I think ive realised we arent going to be the equal partners i had dreamed. Buying a joint home... marriage... kids...
He is depressed, i am aware of this. I pay for him to attend private counselling (As part of a private healthcare annual plan i pay for) and he has been to 4 sessions so far.
Since the sessions started i think, without knowing whats been discussed, its almost given him the right to act even more miserable? Im not sure if that makes sense, but like the counsellor has agreed he has had a tough time, so validated his feelings.
Last night i snapped. He was telling me i hadnt turned the dishwasher on (In MY house, that he has never used) as he couldnt hear it running. I snapped back. He snapped back and laughed at how wrong i was. I snapped again in frustration (Dishwasher WAS on)... and threw a clean wet wipe at him. You know, i was cleaning the work tops, just got a fresh one out... and threw it at him.
It stuck to his elbow. He then refused to talk to me for the rest of the evening and stormed out this morning in a victimy huff about how in the wrong i was.
I havent followed or spoken to him or apologised - that is ALWAYS my job to initiate the adult resolution to an arguement. And im bored of it. Especially as i dont know what i get out of this anymore.
Am i being a bitch? Should i apologise for snapping?
He is depressed - should i be more patient? Give it more time?
Im open to being told im in the wrong.
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Relationships
I finally snapped & now he's the victim?
ChargeX · 22/02/2020 18:14
It feels like it has run its course in many ways which is gutting, he kept telling me things would get better when he had "gotten over" his dm a bit. But we are a year on and all the behaviour that annoys me most is actually behaviour displayed by his other family members (Funnily enough, its the reason HE doesnt like THEM that much). Behaviour he doesnt like - but displays to me and im not supposed to point out the irony?!
So i now actually think its not all the depression, its just who he is. To me, anyway. He is obviously a right laugh to his mates 
but i just get the moaning.
@squishedgrapes exactly was my Dsis said....
Oh my... this isnt good is it.
@SeasonallySnowyPeasant not that i feel sorry for him but i think everyone deserves a 'break' and time to get over something tough. I dont want to walk away and be cruel when he is suffering mentally and ive not given him enough of a reasonable chance to "get his shit together"
I dont mean to drip feed at all but... on the job front... its not the first time he has walked out on a well paid job because he could no longer cope with its demands. The last time co-incided with the end of his last relationship a few years ago / the house / moving back to parents.
I just dont think he copes with life that well and adult responsibilities. And i dont think i want to be his mum which i think is what he wants.
He stayed for 2 weeks over xmas after a falling out with his dad and i said if he wanted to move in, he had to contribute towards bills... he went back to his dads shortly after. 
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