Brief overview:
2 yrs ago dh admitted to having an affair (not total surprise to me, I was suspicious, but devastating nontheless).
We have managed to survive this after a very messy period when OW was still around, but now I feel we have reached a place where emotionally we are pretty sound, but physically things are not right.
DH has previously had a very high sex drive, and our sex life was pretty good considering we have 2 young dc.
During the period of this affair our sex life faded away, no big surprises there, and while we have been mending the rest of the situation I have not pushed the sex side of things.
But I did rather assume that as our emotional relationship got back on track, that physically things would improve. This has not happened. We have moments, but they are very sporadic, and I'm never quite sure if he is just doing it to please me.
I have asked him about it and he says that he just doesn't have those sort of feelings most of the time anymore. About anyone. He has mentioned that it crossed his mind that it could be a physical problem, but seems to me everything certainly functions ok on those rare occasions!
So - my theory is that it is guilt based psychologically. He does feel very guilty about what he put 'us' through, and I suspect that there are aspects of the relationship with OW that he has never told me about.
Has anyone ever had any experience of this sort of thing? Could him feeling guilty about what happened dull his sex drive, as if he doesn't deserve to be forgiven or soemthing?
And before anyone shouts the obvious, I am as convinced as anyone can be that there is no 'OW' now. I could give you all the reasons, but you would be too bored, and I stand to be corrected in the fullness of time. But for now if we assume I am right about that, what do you think?
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Guilt - can it affect your sex drive?
7 replies
hotwaterbottle · 04/09/2007 23:52
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