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Husband says he wants to leave

(107 Posts)
Babe2807 Sun 16-Feb-20 17:31:06

We've been married for 16 years. We have 2 kids - 5 year old daughter and 1 year old son. My husband is adamant he wants to leave. Says the road we've traveled on has ended. There's no spark. Doesn't love me like before. We've had our ups and downs but never did I think we weren't forever. I'm devastated and don't know what to do. I just cry. Any advice?

OP’s posts: |
12345kbm Sun 16-Feb-20 17:49:53

Get legal advice.

Happygirl79 Sun 16-Feb-20 17:53:40

Is there another woman?

Inexperiencedchick Sun 16-Feb-20 17:54:30


Whatsnewpussyhat Sun 16-Feb-20 17:55:14

Bound to be someone else involved.

oldestchild90s Sun 16-Feb-20 17:55:38

There's more to it. I don't care what anyone says you don't just 'fall out of love with someone' there's definitely a reason to it. Have you had a proper sit down and chat about things? Sorry you're so upset thanks

Babe2807 Sun 16-Feb-20 20:42:35

We chatted a lot. He says we've grown apart. He also says there's no one else. I'm so confused and hurt.

OP’s posts: |
Babooshkar Sun 16-Feb-20 21:00:08

IME, it’s so very rare for a man to leave, unless there is another woman.

Fantasiaa Sun 16-Feb-20 21:01:23

Whether or not his motivation for leaving is another woman, he wants to leave.

I’m sorry, OP.

Patch23042 Sun 16-Feb-20 21:30:47

OP I’m so sorry. What a shock.

I think that you need to be pragmatic now. Take legal advice. Confide in someone supportive. His mind is made up.

Babe2807 Sun 16-Feb-20 22:28:36

I think you right. He's mind is made up. I just don't know where to start with legal advice.

OP’s posts: |
12345kbm Sun 16-Feb-20 23:19:48

Here's the CABx guide to Ending a Relationship.
Gingerbread For benefits, maintenance, contact etc
Family Law Panel for a Solicitor

SandyY2K Sun 16-Feb-20 23:39:09

His reason for wanting to leave doesn't really matter. He wants to leave he says it's the end of the road.. I'd start talking about the practical terms of a split as difficult as it must be.

I'd never want someone to be with me, if their heart wasn't in it.

Whether he has met someone else or fallen out of love...the and result is the same...he wants out.

He needs to understand that leaving, doesn't mean he gets out of being a hands on dad...assuming he's actually one at the moment.

Notmygumdropbuttonz Sun 16-Feb-20 23:45:24

I am sooo soooo sorry Op. Look after yourself and your DC as you and them are your top priority. Please surround yourself with family and friends. Real life people who can give you hugs l❤️ ve and support. I hope u get as much support on here for your post too.

May not be the case but are you sure there is not another woman. So upsetting for you and all those in the same position as you. We just want to find our forever person..then we meet someone who promises the earth ,moon and 🌟 and then drop bombshells like that.
It's horrible life experience to go through.please stay strong and I promise you you will pull through. You will get through this. When you go on mumsnet you will see the amount of absolute shit that is going on behind closed doors in some many people's family lives. There are so many lovely pp on here who will hear you out and give you their advice.
Kids in bed so I can imagine it's hard for you to do the same. Maybe go have a shower (you can cry to your hearts content in there). get into some warm cozy PJs, have a hot drink read comments on here who will support you if it helps or go on you tube and watch some mindfulness or something where you don't have to think. If not just try and switch off as best as you can and get some shut eye. It will be hard and you will most likely toss and turn. Think of anything but him so you can sleep. Wish you all the best. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

oatmilk4breakfast Sun 16-Feb-20 23:48:20

I’m so sorry. Can you ask him to try couples counselling? The school of life has just published a book about love being a skill - you work at it. So many men seem to just give up.

DelphiniumBlue Sun 16-Feb-20 23:58:45

The most common time for marriages to collapse is when the second baby is a toddler, apparently.
Life is hard at that point, and the guy who is used to being bigged up by an adoring partner is coming a very poor third to a an exhausted wife, who's probably recently gone back to work with all the stress that entails. Weaker, less resilient men can find this hard to cope with, and some have their heads very easily turned at this point. Its probably for the best if you know he's not in it for the long haul now. It's very hard to respect a man who behaves like this, but it must be a shock for you.

If he can do this to your family, he's not the man you thought he was. Be prepared for foul play.
Get legal advice , and if you can move some money to an account only you can access, so much the better. Make sure you have full details of all assets,pension plans, copy wage slips, bank statements etc.

altogirl Mon 17-Feb-20 00:01:53

You deserve better! You deserve someone who thinks the world spins just for you and who loves you passionately. Dump the "end of the road" manchild who is probably having an affair and go live your best life! It will be hard at first but in a year, you'll be freeer, feel lighter, and be happier.

okiedokieme Mon 17-Feb-20 21:54:59

Get advice but try to sort things out between you, lawyers cause anger and hatred. It's hard, I went through it last year but it gets better

Babe2807 Mon 17-Feb-20 23:07:47

Now he says he wants the excitement of something new. Maybe new relationship. To start going out. Going travelling. What!!!!!! He's got 2 small kids!

OP’s posts: |
atomicblonde30 Tue 18-Feb-20 03:35:53

Seriously? Selfish prick. He’s got two small children in what universe does he think he can check out of reality and all his obligations like that? Honestly get legal advice and ensure you take him to the cleaners.

Babooshkar Tue 18-Feb-20 07:25:10

Don’t we all!!

Bathbedandbeyond Tue 18-Feb-20 07:28:00

OP, I think OW is extremely likely.

CalleighDoodle Tue 18-Feb-20 07:31:59

Maybe new relationship

And there we have it.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Tue 18-Feb-20 07:34:29

Absolute twat - doesn’t like the responsibility of children clearly / another woman. I hope you get good legal advice OP!

PicsInRed Tue 18-Feb-20 07:48:25

He's preparing the narrative for him to "meet" someone who he's already seeing on a night out real soon.

OP, do you own your home? Pensions? Do you both work?

Don't agree to 50/50 on the children where it didn't exist before. It's common for this to be used to minimise child maintenance and/or financial settlement. See a good solicitor. The sneaky ones are virtually impossible to negotiate a fair and normal divorce settlement with. They invariably want you to walk away with much less than your entitlement or even nothing, purely to feel less "wrong" in what they did (despite the fact that a decent non-cheating man would also make a fair settlement).

This doesn't mean that a settlement with minimal solictor involvement isn't possible - you could still negotiate, run it past your solicitor, do financial disclosure and have a consent order drawn up - no court case. However, you need good advice and you need to be prepared for his good will to disappear - I'm afraid it often does with these ones, as people publicly accept what they've done and the guilt evaporates.

Put yourself financially first in the divorce - then you'll be able to "put the mask on" your children for the rest of your life.


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