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I'm hurt and I wish I could talk about it

(10 Posts)
CapFan Fri 14-Feb-20 23:37:10

I started seeing someone I knew from school. I knew he had a reputation and there was a massive guard. I told him from day 1 this was not a romantic relationship and I just wanted this to be a bit of fun. He said he really liked me but was determined to be respectful of my guard but also prove me wrong. He said he wanted to work towards us being together. He did so much and was so caring and as soon as I trusted him, he started treating me like dirt. I got sick of this treatment in short and ended it with him. In the week I was ending it I found out I was miscarrying his baby. I never told him because I didn't want him to know in simple terms. Part of my realisation was to learn that he'd told people we went to school with intimate details, and also bragged that he was getting away with messaging other people at the same time. I was sent screenshots. Screenshots where times matched up that he was with me telling me I meant everything to him and also messaging other girls pictures of my house and my pets. So I absolutely wasn't going to tell him about something as personal as a miscarriage.

I found it so hard to move on but literally within 2 weeks of me telling him it was over he has a new girlfriend. They've been together a month now and he does nothing but post pictures of them. I've received abuse off his friends. I literally haven't messaged him since before this girl was in the picture and he was messaging me right up until they were 'Facebook official' asking me to speak to him. But they messaged ME I should leave him be??

How do you get past this? I fully told myself it was nothing from day 1. But now I see him all over social media with this new girlfriend, and I can't help but ask myself... why wasn't I that special? He made out I was everything, but clearly I wasn't? I try and move on and in every day life I do so well but occasionally I just want to break down. I have to make posts like this to stop me from messaging him to be honest.

Justtryingtobehelpful Fri 14-Feb-20 23:55:35

So sorry to hear of your miscarriage.
You know he's not worth it.
Everything he did sounds like it was all about boosting his ego. Even with the new girl, it's the same - making him look amazing b
You dodged a bullet by the sounds of it....

MapMyMum Sat 15-Feb-20 00:03:02

I dont think she is any more special than you. I think he has played with your emotions and is using this woman to do it even more. He will at some point start doing it to her too, if he hasnt already. As for his friends messaging you, just ignore them. If you try and deny anything they will twist it and take it as guilt.

You are worth more than this game playing pillock, seriously you are. You have dodged a bullet here.
I am sorry to hear about the miscarriage. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve, but dont contact him or his friends

CapFan Sat 15-Feb-20 00:15:57

Thanks guys. It's helpful.

@MapMyMum I haven't contacted them, they've contacted me. My friends responded saying that he had been 'left alone' and I was the one who needed to be left but still accusations are being flung about. I never did anything wrong and he is now happy with someone else. Why can't that be the end of it and I be left to get on?

Obviously I'm gutted about the miscarriage. But I never knew it was happening. I only knew when it happened. It's a difficult thing to go through when you know it's not a good thing and it's for the best. Still hurts though. Especially when you're enduring it as that guy is proving to you exactly why it's for the best.

MazDazzle Sat 15-Feb-20 00:26:05

You sound like the adult here. He sounds like a child.

Count yourself lucky to be rid of him. Block him and any of his friends who try to contact you and move on.

Rise above it and aim for dignified silence.

Janedoe82 Sat 15-Feb-20 00:29:06

What age are you OP? Are you still at school?

Maighdeann Sat 15-Feb-20 00:32:14

Well done for escaping. He sounds like a nightmare. thanks

TenShortStories Sat 15-Feb-20 00:48:34

It hurts because it's meant to - someone burrowed through your emotional barriers and then kicked you in the stomach. Feel it, acknowledge it, reassure yourself that you did have all the correct spidey senses telling you to keep away (this is actually really important) and that next time you'll listen to them flowers

He sounds like the sort of guy who might come waltzing back into your life one day, expecting to still be up on a pedestal so be on your guard!

SallySun123 Sat 15-Feb-20 00:59:42

What age are you OP? Make sure you talk to someone about the miscarriage flowers sorry to hear this has happened.

Graphista Sat 15-Feb-20 01:36:26

So sorry you're going through this, I went through something similar a LONG time ago with my first pregnancy.

Young, serious relationship but both families were against and that put a LOT of strain on us both. Eventually other circumstances added more pressure and we split. About 2 weeks later I mc our baby and we weren't on speaking terms so I didn't feel able to tell him.

I didn't talk to anyone about it for a very long time.

Please talk to people, here, in real life to people you can trust, to the miscarriage association.

You've done nothing wrong and he's behaved appallingly.

Block him on sm you don't need to see his taunts and self glorification. You definitely dodged a bullet there.

Be honest. Brutally if necessary with people accusing you of "chasing" him but only once. Don't get into a "back and forth" with them and if any of those people are supposed friends cut them off.

If they were true friends they'd know you better and they wouldn't accuse.

thanks mc is tough give yourself time to start healing. You never really "get over" it but you get better at coping.

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