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New date can't perform...feeling "deflated"..literally

(13 Posts)
Sophie0579 Fri 14-Feb-20 20:42:27

Your advice needed I’ve been dating this guy who is really nice and seems genuine but one major drawback....three times now he hasn’t been able to perform in bed. Before meeting me he took over a year off dating after a bad relationship with a narcissistic ex. He says he’s lost his confidence but that was over a year ago now and he decided to start dating again because he felt ready. Its now the third time we’ve got down to it and he seems keen and initiates it but can’t follow through enough. The first two times I was super sympathetic and understanding but now I’m getting a bit fed up with it and feeling deflated about it. When you start dating someone that initial lust and passion should be amazing and we are missing out on that because of this. What do u think? Am I being harsh or would you feel the same?

Wannabegreenfingers Fri 14-Feb-20 20:44:48

Sorry, but no. Been there got the t-shirt. It doesn't get better x

Guiltypleasures001 Fri 14-Feb-20 21:27:54

I have sympathy for him op, but your entitled to what you want and need
You are not a counsellor and don't have to be his

Interestedwoman Fri 14-Feb-20 21:34:20

Of course it's not his fault as such, but I agree with @Wannabegreenfingers . I'm unlucky enough to somehow have often ended up with lovers who have ED. It doesn't really change. I mean, any guy can have it happen every now and then, but if it's a regular thing it doesn't tend to go away.

RandomMess Fri 14-Feb-20 21:45:08

Well did he do all the other things but you just couldn't do PIV?

twinnywinny14 Fri 14-Feb-20 21:49:31

My now husband had this same problem when we first got together, after a while it improved and now it’s me not him lol

Sophie0579 Fri 14-Feb-20 22:04:48

Well we've only tried three times but every time he can't get hard or does very very briefly but loses it so we have to stop. I just didn't expect to meet someone and have to deal with this. I find it strange that after over a year he's blaming it on nervousness or lack of confidence after an ex. I don't want to be mean but it's ruining what should be an amazing bond/moment

RandomMess Fri 14-Feb-20 22:06:41

So he isn't willing to satisfy you with his fingers or oral once his erection goes it all stops?


Sophie0579 Fri 14-Feb-20 22:15:03

On two occasions he's not even got an erection so we havent even been able to try. Yes he satisfies me but I want the whole experience not just oral.

PigletJohn Fri 14-Feb-20 23:25:34

do you know if it's an emotional cause or a physical one?

Salene Fri 14-Feb-20 23:27:41

Very easily sorted with viagra which you can now by from boots etc £9.99

TheSnootiestFox Sat 15-Feb-20 00:01:23

What wannabe said, also been there and got the t-shirt for 15 years. No Salene it's not just as simple as Viagra, although that is the only reason I have 2 kids......

Interestedwoman Sat 15-Feb-20 00:49:31

Viagra doesn't work for everyone, especially if the cause of the problem is psychological. If it doesn't work he coulld try a pump.

But if he has ED from (presumably) psychological causes, that's a bad sign OP, it means he's really messed up. He needs to see his GP, and get therapy and/or meds.

You don't really want to sign up for the long term to someone who's this messed up from the get-go. I recommend getting out before you become more involved.

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