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Am I being ungrateful?

(13 Posts)
potter1234 Fri 14-Feb-20 16:35:12

Hi everyone . Don't know weather I am being overly sensitive or not . So obviously Valentine's Day today I have put a lot of thought in to today . Booked us a lovely table at a really nice restaurant that he loves , arranged the taxi, got him some lovely gifts and also a card which I always write some lovely things in . I know some
People don't like Valentine's Day but I think it's one day a year . We work hard and long hours so I do like to make him feel wanted and appreciated today . Well anyways Valentine's Day Christmas birthdays ect are never about gifts for me . I'm a card person and he knows it . So I have been looking foward to getting home and reading my card . Nothing here . He gets in from work an hour ago with a bag from a supermarket. Then pulls out a card and says I need a pen to write on it . Two seconds writing hands it to me and that's it . To me love from
Him . That was it . I just feel
Really deflated . Can't tell
Him tho because hel probably get mad . He knows something is up tho keeps asking am I ok . Would anyone else feel like
Me or am I being stupid x

Sadolmeee Fri 14-Feb-20 17:11:56

I was the same, I always enjoyed writing a really personal message in his V Card and he did get better when I made a joke about how much effort I put into it
I would just tell him that it would make your day next year if he put some thought into it
My Ex would turn up on the day (be that bday/Mother’s Day/v day) with a supermarket carrier bag whereas I planned in advance and put thought into it.

Some men don’t see it as a big deal, but if you’ve mentioned it before then he should take it on board that you’d appreciate the effort

Onesailwait Fri 14-Feb-20 17:26:38

If he is aware you are upset and asking you what the problem is just tell him. Don't play games, spell out to him exactly what you want from him if its really important to you. It doesn't matter if Valentine's is important to others or not, If its special for you then spell out exactly what that lools like so you are not perpetually disappointed. This year when we were shopping we each picked out a card we liked, showed it to the other to read and put it back on the shelf, who says romance is dead. I Hope you have a lovely eveing out.

Bezalelle Fri 14-Feb-20 17:35:27

You're mad to go to all that effort. It's a meaningless consumerist holiday FFS.

wowsertrousers Fri 14-Feb-20 18:13:43

as with many people's grumbles about valentine's day, birthdays etc, it's the imbalance isn't it. it sounds like you go to tonnes of trouble, he accepts it all but then doesn't give anything back in return. this used to be me and my DH. every year it would pee me right off. until the year I decided I wasn't going to bother anymore either. hey presto, no more imbalance. an entirely negative way of sorting the problem admittedly... but effective all the same! I occasionally still wish he made an effort but now that I don't bother either I don't feel in any way cross about it. it is just a made-up bullshit day after all.

puds11 Fri 14-Feb-20 18:15:08

Why would he get mad? Does he tend to react angrily to things?

Giroscoper Fri 14-Feb-20 18:22:59

Does he normally make an effort with the cards? If yes, this is a one off, if no you have to accept that this is him. He clearly knows you are a card person and has put no effort in. So it depends if this is the be all and end all for you?

Dh is romantic, but we don't do Valentine's Day, in fact he is at present with his Dad who has had a minor operation today and needed someone to watch over him as he was sedated. But we have been married 20 years and to me it is the day to day thoughtfulness and consideration that matters not the grand gestures.

I often come out the house to a heart drawn on my car window in the frost, or a heart drawn on a piece of paper stuck in the fridge. He brings me cups of tea and massages my feet when they are tired. He buys me chocolate in advance of my horrific period and produces them like magic when I need them, he washes my hair when I'm in the bath etc etc. This to me is far better than a Valentine's day card.

NameChangeNugget Fri 14-Feb-20 19:11:28

No idea why you’ve done all that.

RLEOM Fri 14-Feb-20 19:23:03

What's he normally like with Valentine's Day? Or is this your first one?

Elieza Fri 14-Feb-20 19:40:15

Sometimes things mean more to one person than they do to another. He may just feel that you know how much he loves you and spending time and effort on a stupid card is pointless when you know his devotion to you.

Or he could just be an arsehole who has stopped trying and takes you for granted.

Was he always this way? Did he ever make any effort? Are you happy with your relationship apart from this?

Double3xposure Fri 14-Feb-20 20:30:08

Why are posters asking why the Op did all that for her DP? Read her first post - she did it because Valentine’s Day matters to her !! She wanted a nice thoughtful card with a special message. Her Bf didn’t do that and shes upset, because she went to a big effort for him .

What’s so hard to understand about that ?? The fact you / my aunt fanny don’t care about VD is totally irrelevant.

OP, are you sure that you and you Bf are compatible ? He sounds very selfish .

OoohTheStatsDontLie Fri 14-Feb-20 20:35:12

OP. If he said to you, 'I really like x. And would really appreictae it if you did it for me' Would you do the complete opposite for him? If he admitted he was upset about this, would you get angry at him?

I couldn't give a shit about valentines, we just sent a text to each other, but if it was important to him I'd make an effort

potter1234 Fri 14-Feb-20 22:38:21

Hi all Thankyou for replying . I feel a lot better now . Thankgod lol . Can't believe how upset I felt earlier . I just think it was the way he came and wrote on my card in front of me . Then leaves it on the table he didn't even come over and give it to me . I think he did feel like he could of made more of an effort . Especially when my mother walked in with a huge bunch of roses and a card . I always buy my mother and grandmother gifts and cards because no one else would and even tho they say they don't want anything anymore I think deep down maybe they do feel a little sad and more lonely on a day like today . I also love buying gifts for people and making them happy . As for me not telling my partner what's wrong is because he doesn't deal well with stress . This is what he had told me in the past . So if there is something on my mind or he thinks something is wrong he will ask and ask me and seem really concerned. If it's nothing to do with him he is supportive but if there's anything said about him negatively he doesn't like it so it's far from game plying it's more of staying quiet for an easy life. I know how sad that sounds to most people . I don't know why he can't deal with criticism. Every year he has wrote me than he did today on a card and because he is last lap used to write on it in the car ha ha . Today just really took me by suprise I think I have come to the conclusion when ever I look foward to something it never goes as planned and when ever I ain't it's always a lot better 😊. Anyways enough ranting from me . I hope you all had a great day and night x

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